Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?
I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.
This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.
We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.
Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.
One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.
One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.
The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.
You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.
These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.
Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!
But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.
Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.
In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!
It was mental about his beliefs!
What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.
One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.
Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.
One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.
This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”
When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.
Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).
If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.
I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.
As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.
I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.
When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.