Anal Massage Lesson For Young Couple

Sometimes you have to try something totally different.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 2

anal massage sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergThen I asked them if they had ever considered anal sex.  They said no but they were open to it.  I had her flip over to her stomach and began massaging her glutes and sit bones.  I explained to him all that I was doing.  Using lots of lube I began to massage the crack of her ass.  Very slowly.  I told her before every change in stimulation I made.  I went from that to direct pressure onto her anus.  Using my 3 fingers together I placed them broadly against her anus and pressed into her body slowly increasing the pressure until it was firm checking with her all the time to make sure it was feeling good.  She enjoyed all the external stimulation.  I moved on – slowly – using one fingertip to massage her external sphincter.  Just dipping the tip of my finger into her anus I gently applied pressure – up, to the right, down, and to the left – checking at each point to see if she felt pain and also explaining to her boyfriend what I was doing.

Since everything was feeling good I sunk my finger in a bit deeper so I was penetrating her inner sphincter.  I repeated the pressure in the four different directions.  At this point she wasn’t feeling pleasure just pressure.  I explained that that was fine and that she would take some time to become used to this type of stimulation and to allow it to become erotic.

I slowly began sliding my finger in and out of her anus.  I just kept my finger straight and didn’t apply any pressure in any direction.  She was able to take my entire finger into her anus without discomfort of any kind.  I told them that they would most likely be having anal sex before they had vaginal sex since she wasn’t feeling pain in this area.  I gently bent my finger aiming my finger tip toward her pubic bone.  For the first time she felt the pleasure of pressure against her g-spot.  At the same time she felt like she may have to have a bowel movement.  I reassured her that there was no fecal matter in her rectum and it was just habit that when she felt pressure in this area it meant she had to go to the bathroom and that with practice that physical signal would change.

Her boyfriend wanted to try so I moved and he sat where I had been between her knees.  I coached him to go slower and slower.  He did and was so pleased when he was able to penetrate his girlfriend without bringing her pain.  He began sliding his finger in and out of her anus.  As he got more excited he began to speed up and she asked him to stop.  He did and I explained that the tissue is very sensitive and this is a new type of stimulation.  Over time he would be able to “finger fuck” her and even add a second finger.  I told him that the sign that she would be ready for anal sex is when he is able to smoothly slide tow fingers in and out of her anus without causing discomfort.

We mutually decided she felt done and it was his turn to work with me.

25 Year Old Virgin Couple Due To Vaginal Pain

Private coaching sessions are available via phone, webcam and in person.

For more information visit http://www.nikkilundberg.com/sex-coach-products-and-services/private-sessions/

There are many sexually conservative cultures throughout the world.  I work with you to observe your comfort levels and provide the most informative pleasurable experience possible.

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

 

 

A great resource for people suffering from Vaginismus is http://vaginismus.org/

Happy New Year!

I am super excited for 2014 because every year has gotten gotten better and better for me and 2013 was fricken amazing.  The last week was no exception…

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 1

I met with a couple who were visiting from out of town.  They had been looking online for a massage therapist and came across my site.  Seeing that in addition to offering massage I also offer sex coaching they set up an appointment with me.

They were very nervous.  Neither one of them had done anything like this before.  They were in their mid – 20s and were both virgins.  This was not by choice.  They had been in a committed relationship for several years but had several problems when it came time for penetrative sex.  This had caused their passion to wane and even though they had enjoyed oral sex in the past the fun had even left that because of their frustration.

When I arrived we discussed their situation and their histories.  They were both from a very conservative culture that didn’t allow for free sexual expression and experimentation.  They had never found someone to consult with.  They said they would be much more comfortable if I would be nude with them as they were very ashamed of all these issues and I offered it.  Seeing and being seen is the best way I’ve found to release shame.

I began with examining her.  She said she felt pain in her vagina.  I slowly examined from the outside starting with the abdomen and vulva asking all the time what her arousal level was.  When she reported that she was more than 50% aroused I began exploring her inner labia, clitoral hood and clitoris.  Still all pleasure – no pain.

While I was working with her the boyfriend asked if he was allowed to touch himself.  I said sure that it was normal and natural and this was an erotic situation.  He was surprised he wasn’t more physically aroused and I explained it was because even though this situation might be very close to the fantasies he held in his mind I was still keeping things fairly clinical.  I suggested he enjoy what was happening rather than judging it against what he thought should be happening.

Continuing my examination I began to slowly penetrate her vaginal opening (the entroitus).  Now the pain started.  Pinchy.  Burning.  Bad.  I got out some castor oil and applied it liberally to my finger and to her vulva.  Slowly – painfully slowly – I sunk my fingertip into her pussy.  The majority of the pain was strongest on the bottom.  I shifted the pressure to the top of the opening and that worked until I got to the second knuckle and then she felt pain there too.  I noticed that she would tense up periodically and I pointed out the signs to her boyfriend so he could tell when he need to slow down just by her non-verbal cues.

 

Improve Your Sex Life part 1

Give Your Sex Life A Fresh Start

sex pen n paper improve your sex lifeThe first step to improve your sex life is to acknowledge what has already happened.  This is the hard work that many of us try to avoid.

Taking stock of the current state of affairs and the past can be very helpful.  It can also be harmful.

Try the following two exercises:(tip: read all the suggestions first before starting)

  1. Get into your body.  Breath deeply and notice how you feel in the moment.
  2. With a pen and paper make a list of all the things that aren’t the way you want them to be in your sex life.  Acknowledge them.  Contrast brings clarity but only if you see it.
  3. Notice your physical sensations.  Notice when things feel bad in your body.  Avoid being too hard on yourself and dwelling in the negative.
  4. Be as objective as possible.  You are noticing and acknowledging, not judging.
  5. Release the negative feelings you have tied to these things.  The best way to do this is to take personal responsibility for your experience.  That gives you the power to change your future experiences.  If someone else seems to be to blame take a deep breath and look at how you might have put yourself in the position to be hurt.

Once you have completed the above exercise pause, breath, and move on to the next exercise.

It’s time to look at the positives.

  1. Make sure you’re in your body.
  2. Again with the pen and paper – write down all the things that are good/positive/going the way you want.
  3. Make this list as long as your first list and then add 5 more things.

This exercise will help you to develop an attitude of gratitude and will help you to operate on a higher vibration making it easier to attract and manifest those things that bring you pleasure.

Find someone to share these lists with.  If you can’t find someone you are welcome to send them to me.  Why?  Because being witnessed is the best way to release shame.  Chances are you have some shame around the things that didn’t go well.  By sharing them and putting the light of day on them their power diminishes.  You may also get great feedback that can aid in acknowledging and releasing the negativity!

A Fresh Start For Your Sex Life In 3 Steps

Fresh start in your sex lifeIt’s December and I love it when a new month starts!

I know we can start fresh anytime – and, for some reason turning to a new calendar month helps a little more. It’s like I mentally and emotionally loosen my energetic grip a bit.

Why would you want to start fresh?

Whether what’s happened before was good or was bad (in my judgement) it can take the power out of our present if we don’t release it.  If it was bad we can be dragged down by the negativity.  If it was good we could rest on our laurels and be under motivated in the present.  My November was mostly great personally and professionally and while that is exciting I also had a few things happen that I didn’t love.

By letting go of all that has happened previously and starting new I can open myself up to not only living in the present but also feeling my desire, benefiting from the energy of that desire, feeling the strength of my sex drive and libido, and make sure I’m on track with my sexual health and sexual progress.

There’s a saying

“If you live with one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow you’re pissing all over today”.

Is starting fresh a challenge?

If you are struggling with making a fresh start I have a few suggestions that might help the process.

  1. Acknowledge what has already happened.
  2. Find a way to release it.
  3. Fantasize and visualize how you want things to be.

I’ll be sharing more about each of these steps in the coming week so make sure to sign up for my newsletter by claiming your free vulva stimulation guide on the right=====>

Too Busy For Sex?

too busy for sex?  Sex Coach Nikki can helpI have been making some updates to this site the last couple of days and just realized that I haven’t written a blog post for over 2 months.  Unbelievable!  I mean, I get lots of satisfaction from writing.  It helps with all kinds of things – helping people, SEO, creating community, etc. yet I went without.

Why?

I was too busy.

I kept putting it off.  I forgot about it.  When I did think of it the time wasn’t right.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  You put off something you know you like and benefit from due to seemingly good reasons and before you knew it a very long time has passed?

This happens a lot with sex and intimacy.  The obstacles are different for different people but the result is the same – a feeling of having missed out.  Other feelings are overwhelm at the prospect of getting started up again, embarrassment or shame for for having dropped the ball, anger and resentment at self for failing… lots of negatives.

Acknowledge and move on.

As much as every day can be a new beginning, so can every hug, every show of affection, every kind word.  Do what you need to do to start over.

Having a hard time with that?  That’s where someone like me comes in.  Find someone to talk to that can help you process through the crap and start fresh.  Someone who can help you identify your story or programming and break it up if it’s not working for you.

That’s the process I’m going through now with all my websites.  I’m grateful I don’t have to do that with my sex and sexuality (this time).

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Three

Sex Coach - Anal MassageDuring couples sex coaching I often teach specific techniques.  One of the most popular is sensual massage and anal massage in particular.  I’m happy to explain the mechanics and set it up so that the couple has the tools they need to practice at home on their own.

Other things I teach in person:
~Fellatio – improve technique and overcome using teeth
~Penis Massage – taking hand jobs to a new level
~Anal Sex – making it feel good for her

Couples Sex Coaching Session

I demonstrate how to slowly approach the anus, massaging first the place where the legs meet the groin, the sits bones and the entire crack.  Soft long strokes one after the other relax and arouse him.  Shorter deeper strokes massaging all the muscles in the crack relax and arouse him even further.  He is going with the flow of arousal and enjoyment, opening his legs further and tilting his pelvis higher.  Applying lubrication directly to the anus I massage his outer sphincter in every direction, gently stretching and relaxing it.  I get even more lube and without penetrating I press inward against his anus with the flat of my thumb.  He asks his wife to come and massage his balls.  She stands across from me with her hand on his scrotum and he reaches back and holds her other hand with his.  Their love and connection is beautiful and I’m loving being a part of it.

Sex Coach Las Vegas - Anal StimulationHe’s ready for penetration and I point my thumb tip in ready to slide it into his anus.  I instruct him to take a deep breath and on his exhale I slide my thumb into him.  I stay there and just hold him, feeling the arousal running through him.  When a person is this aroused stopping and holding can be very pleasurable for them as their muscles flex and relax themselves creating their own internal massage.  Then I gently pressed in every direction.  Envisioning a clock with the tail bone being 12 and the prostate being 6 I stop at each number of the “clock” checking in with him asking how it feels.  He said good a few times and I asked him to rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being not painful – that there might be discomfort but not pain and if there was any pain we needed to stop and address it immediately – and 5 being total bliss.  I continued around the “clock” and when I was twisting my wrist completely I gently pulled out my thumb and inserted my index finger.

I explained in between stops that this was extremely therapeutic – I was massaging all the pelvic floor muscles from the inside.  The arousal helps to facilitate a better pelvic floor massage because the pressure is pleasurable instead of painful.  At the prostate I touched each side and did a few different types of strokes all the time communicating with him about how each felt.   I also slid my finger in and out of his anus and asked if he liked that sensation (he didn’t).  Then I asked if he felt complete and since he did I ended that part of the treatment with gentle holding while his wife held his scrotum.

Other Resources

Want to learn more about erotic massage? Visit one of the following sites for detailed instructional videos.

http://NikkisLessons.com

http://EroticMassage.com


												

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Two

couple holding hands - couples sex coachingI offer lots of options during individual and couples sex coaching sessions.  One option is nudity – either partial or full.  I will follow my clients comfort levels regarding this – but I may push a little too if it will help to move the session along.

I feel that being naked takes away many barriers and almost instantly releases shame around our bodies in general and our genitals in particular.  Nudity also usually generates arousal and with arousal we can work even deeper with your sex and sexuality interests.

Although her practice is very different than mine, Sarah White explains beautifully about how being naked can be extremely therapeutic.  Click here to visit her site and read all about her method of Naked Therapy.

Couples Sex Coaching Session

Their comfort level is full nudity.  I set up the massage table and give him instructions to undress and lay face-down while I use the restroom and wash my hands.  I come out nude and begin the massage while she sits on the bed.

As I massage him the three of us discuss our sexuality.  I ask questions about their successes and challenges and share my own.  By having such an intimate atmosphere they are able to open up quickly and we are able to discuss things on a very deep level almost immediately.

When I get to the buttocks area I demonstrate and explain slow, loving touch that will be easy for her to give and very sensual and pleasurable for him to receive.  Sometimes it’s better to go slower and softer.  The genital and anal area sometimes benefit from simply being held while aroused without any movement.

He likes anal stimulation but she doesn’t love to give it – she will do it sometimes as a treat.  Many couples find themselves in this situation  – one partner enjoys something more (much more) than the other.  There are usually reasons for the dislike of any activity and usually they can be managed if not overcome altogether.  For this couple to have more anal play for him I suggest they incorporate gloves in the bedroom.  Using gloves will increase her confidence that she will not inadvertently hurt him and it will reduce her concerns about messiness.  They could take it a step further by having him give himself an enema before their play.

Feeling Alone In Your Relationship?

Stop Feeling Alone In Your Relationship
Happy Young Couple

I know what it’s like to be feeling alone in your relationship.  I experience that when I’m afraid.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk openly and freely with my partner.  I become afraid that if I share what is going on inside that I will lose my relationship.  As the pain and disconnection becomes worse I finally realize my truths again:

  • That I don’t want my relationship if that is how it is going to be and become open to change.
  • I often base my expectations of his reactions on reactions I’ve seen from other people in the past.  For example: my mother shared something with my father and he was explosively angry.  My partner is not explosive – ever – and I forget that.
  • I guess what his reaction will be when I really don’t know what it will be.  I really like the solution Cynthia has given in Step 3.
  • I underestimate the power of our love and commitment to each other.  Usually, once we’ve talked in a positive way, when we’ve both seen each others point of view, we are able to work things out win-win.

I read this and just had to share!  If you’re feeling alone in your relationship use this process please let me know how it worked for you.  I prescribe similar things but I love how Cynthia has laid it out.

Experiencing Intimacy: Overcoming The Aloneness In Your Relationship

By Cynthia Belmer

Our intimate relationship with our significant other is a mirror of how we feel about ourselves and in life in general. Many of us face challenges opening up to our partners and talking about things that scare us the most in the relationship. When we are in this situation, a feeling of disconnection arises, and the mind makes a list of judgments of why we should keep some strict boundaries with our loved one. Little do we know how much we are damaging our relationship and how we are giving so much more power to our fear of intimacy.

A fear of Intimacy, often brings us to a situation where we get taken over by our emotions such as anger, feeling resentful for not getting what we need, being scared of getting hurt over and over again and being attached that we are right. Many just give up working through these challenges and walk away from the relationship, some others continue on sabotaging and pushing their loved one away. What we miss to realize is that the only way out from feeling stuck in this emotional disconnection is to turn towards the pain instead of turning away. Knowing that it is okay to be vulnerable with our partner and choosing to let them understand our pain without being scared of losing ourselves.

This moment of awareness brings us to the state of experiencing freedom, fearlessness and becoming a brave warrior: When we look at the problem or fear and move towards and beyond it; when we sit with it until we become so familiar and comfortable with it; when we talk about it openly and let our partner understand how we feel, let him/her help us and be there for us. Being intimate with ourselves through our emotions and fears, we allow ourselves to experience being fully human and we provide space for our partner to be closer to our heart and part of our lives.

So, if you are someone who is facing challenges opening up to your partner, below are some steps that might help you initiating an open and loving conversation:

Step 1: Meditate on the problem you are facing

Think through your problem first. Sit with your feeling and try to understand it a little bit deeper (If you are having hard time understanding it, that’s okay, it’s very normal and eventually you’ll get there). Try to understand what comes up for you in terms of feelings, emotions and write them down without any judgment.

Step 2: Understand why it is important for you to tell your partner about your feelings

This step is very important because it identifies the problem and helps you understand your wants and your needs.

Step 3: Use your imagination positively

Take a moment and visualize how would it feel like to have told your partner about this problem. What beautiful feelings come up in your heart? Where do you feel it in your body? Write your visualization, your feelings and read them over and over again.

Step 4: Schedule an official meeting

Send a meeting invitation to your partner and mention that you need their full attention. I found this to work really well especially to get the partner’s attention and to get them to be fully present.

Step 5: Ask for your needs

Before you discuss the topic, tell your partner how important it is for you to feel supported and heard during the meeting. Check-in with them to see if this is something they feel they can do. The answer is 99% of the time is yes or I will try!

Step 6: Turn your focus towards your heart and discuss the problem

Talk about what is going on whether it was in your life or in your relationship. What is your heart feeling? What does he need? If this is something related to your relationship, focus only on how you feel and not on all the things that are going wrong or the mistakes that the person is making. Remember, the meeting is about YOU!

Step 7: Request your wants

“Ask” your partner to show care and affection when you are done talking and state
how you would like to them to help you in this journey. What do you really want from them? What do you need to feel better?

Being close to our partner is so warming, loving and peaceful that it’s hard sometimes to navigate through a problem that keeps us distant. Turning towards our pain and fear does not mean that it will be very easy for us to open up, but it’s a step closer to find a way in towards our relationship instead of a way out. This is the pathway towards inner freedom, unconditional love and being a human being fully and naturally. Otherwise, we will keep pushing intimacy away over and over again until we finally surrender.

 

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