25 Year Old Virgin Couple Due To Vaginal Pain

Private coaching sessions are available via phone, webcam and in person.

For more information visit http://www.nikkilundberg.com/sex-coach-products-and-services/private-sessions/

There are many sexually conservative cultures throughout the world.  I work with you to observe your comfort levels and provide the most informative pleasurable experience possible.

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

 

 

A great resource for people suffering from Vaginismus is http://vaginismus.org/

Happy New Year!

I am super excited for 2014 because every year has gotten gotten better and better for me and 2013 was fricken amazing.  The last week was no exception…

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 1

I met with a couple who were visiting from out of town.  They had been looking online for a massage therapist and came across my site.  Seeing that in addition to offering massage I also offer sex coaching they set up an appointment with me.

They were very nervous.  Neither one of them had done anything like this before.  They were in their mid – 20s and were both virgins.  This was not by choice.  They had been in a committed relationship for several years but had several problems when it came time for penetrative sex.  This had caused their passion to wane and even though they had enjoyed oral sex in the past the fun had even left that because of their frustration.

When I arrived we discussed their situation and their histories.  They were both from a very conservative culture that didn’t allow for free sexual expression and experimentation.  They had never found someone to consult with.  They said they would be much more comfortable if I would be nude with them as they were very ashamed of all these issues and I offered it.  Seeing and being seen is the best way I’ve found to release shame.

I began with examining her.  She said she felt pain in her vagina.  I slowly examined from the outside starting with the abdomen and vulva asking all the time what her arousal level was.  When she reported that she was more than 50% aroused I began exploring her inner labia, clitoral hood and clitoris.  Still all pleasure – no pain.

While I was working with her the boyfriend asked if he was allowed to touch himself.  I said sure that it was normal and natural and this was an erotic situation.  He was surprised he wasn’t more physically aroused and I explained it was because even though this situation might be very close to the fantasies he held in his mind I was still keeping things fairly clinical.  I suggested he enjoy what was happening rather than judging it against what he thought should be happening.

Continuing my examination I began to slowly penetrate her vaginal opening (the entroitus).  Now the pain started.  Pinchy.  Burning.  Bad.  I got out some castor oil and applied it liberally to my finger and to her vulva.  Slowly – painfully slowly – I sunk my fingertip into her pussy.  The majority of the pain was strongest on the bottom.  I shifted the pressure to the top of the opening and that worked until I got to the second knuckle and then she felt pain there too.  I noticed that she would tense up periodically and I pointed out the signs to her boyfriend so he could tell when he need to slow down just by her non-verbal cues.

 

Improve Your Sex Life part 1

Give Your Sex Life A Fresh Start

sex pen n paper improve your sex lifeThe first step to improve your sex life is to acknowledge what has already happened.  This is the hard work that many of us try to avoid.

Taking stock of the current state of affairs and the past can be very helpful.  It can also be harmful.

Try the following two exercises:(tip: read all the suggestions first before starting)

  1. Get into your body.  Breath deeply and notice how you feel in the moment.
  2. With a pen and paper make a list of all the things that aren’t the way you want them to be in your sex life.  Acknowledge them.  Contrast brings clarity but only if you see it.
  3. Notice your physical sensations.  Notice when things feel bad in your body.  Avoid being too hard on yourself and dwelling in the negative.
  4. Be as objective as possible.  You are noticing and acknowledging, not judging.
  5. Release the negative feelings you have tied to these things.  The best way to do this is to take personal responsibility for your experience.  That gives you the power to change your future experiences.  If someone else seems to be to blame take a deep breath and look at how you might have put yourself in the position to be hurt.

Once you have completed the above exercise pause, breath, and move on to the next exercise.

It’s time to look at the positives.

  1. Make sure you’re in your body.
  2. Again with the pen and paper – write down all the things that are good/positive/going the way you want.
  3. Make this list as long as your first list and then add 5 more things.

This exercise will help you to develop an attitude of gratitude and will help you to operate on a higher vibration making it easier to attract and manifest those things that bring you pleasure.

Find someone to share these lists with.  If you can’t find someone you are welcome to send them to me.  Why?  Because being witnessed is the best way to release shame.  Chances are you have some shame around the things that didn’t go well.  By sharing them and putting the light of day on them their power diminishes.  You may also get great feedback that can aid in acknowledging and releasing the negativity!

A Fresh Start For Your Sex Life In 3 Steps

Fresh start in your sex lifeIt’s December and I love it when a new month starts!

I know we can start fresh anytime – and, for some reason turning to a new calendar month helps a little more. It’s like I mentally and emotionally loosen my energetic grip a bit.

Why would you want to start fresh?

Whether what’s happened before was good or was bad (in my judgement) it can take the power out of our present if we don’t release it.  If it was bad we can be dragged down by the negativity.  If it was good we could rest on our laurels and be under motivated in the present.  My November was mostly great personally and professionally and while that is exciting I also had a few things happen that I didn’t love.

By letting go of all that has happened previously and starting new I can open myself up to not only living in the present but also feeling my desire, benefiting from the energy of that desire, feeling the strength of my sex drive and libido, and make sure I’m on track with my sexual health and sexual progress.

There’s a saying

“If you live with one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow you’re pissing all over today”.

Is starting fresh a challenge?

If you are struggling with making a fresh start I have a few suggestions that might help the process.

  1. Acknowledge what has already happened.
  2. Find a way to release it.
  3. Fantasize and visualize how you want things to be.

I’ll be sharing more about each of these steps in the coming week so make sure to sign up for my newsletter by claiming your free vulva stimulation guide on the right=====>

Too Busy For Sex?

too busy for sex?  Sex Coach Nikki can helpI have been making some updates to this site the last couple of days and just realized that I haven’t written a blog post for over 2 months.  Unbelievable!  I mean, I get lots of satisfaction from writing.  It helps with all kinds of things – helping people, SEO, creating community, etc. yet I went without.

Why?

I was too busy.

I kept putting it off.  I forgot about it.  When I did think of it the time wasn’t right.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  You put off something you know you like and benefit from due to seemingly good reasons and before you knew it a very long time has passed?

This happens a lot with sex and intimacy.  The obstacles are different for different people but the result is the same – a feeling of having missed out.  Other feelings are overwhelm at the prospect of getting started up again, embarrassment or shame for for having dropped the ball, anger and resentment at self for failing… lots of negatives.

Acknowledge and move on.

As much as every day can be a new beginning, so can every hug, every show of affection, every kind word.  Do what you need to do to start over.

Having a hard time with that?  That’s where someone like me comes in.  Find someone to talk to that can help you process through the crap and start fresh.  Someone who can help you identify your story or programming and break it up if it’s not working for you.

That’s the process I’m going through now with all my websites.  I’m grateful I don’t have to do that with my sex and sexuality (this time).

Self Pleasure Party (Ladies Only)

When:  Saturday September 7th, 5pm
Where:  The Las Vegas Adam & Eve Store

3231 N Decatur Blvd, Las Vegas, NV 89103

I’m so excited!  I’m going to be guest speaking at this event at the
local Adam & Eve Store here in Las Vegas.

Sorry this event is for ladies only.  I’ll be announcing co-ed, men’s
and virtual events soon!

The hostess of the event is Antrece, the owner of the Adam & Eve Store,
and she’s done a few events and they sound like they’ve been very fun.
She will have raffles for prizes and games where the winners get prizes
too.

I’ll be talking all about female pleasure, arousal, orgasm and all the things
a gal can do to give herself a helping hand:)  I’ll also answer questions
about overcoming sexual frustrations such as the inhibited sexual desire,
inability to become aroused, lack or orgasm and painful intercourse.

I look forward to connection (or re-connecting) with you there!  Please let
me know if you’re going to attend so I can have a little thank you present
ready for you there.  Just shoot me an email at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com.

Oral And Anal Fun Part 3

Be courageous and have fun while leaning into the sensations of desire and arousal.

He had again come to the edge of climax.  Turning over to lay on his back he had his cock right in front of me.  I slowly slid my finger into his anus as I sunk my mouth down onto his dick.  Once my finger was deep inside his ass I massaged his prostate.  He gripped the base of his cock and slowly massaged up and down teasing me with the head, popping it in and out of my mouth.  With his other hand he took a fistful of hair and held my head steady.  He asked if he could cum in my face .  I nodded my head yes and moaned with excitement opening my mouth as wide as it would go and sticking my tongue all the way out.  I wanted to feel his hot cum on my tongue.  Shortly he started cumming.  I felt it on my finger first as his prostate got firm and his anus began to contract.  And then the cum started gushing out of his dick hitting my mouth, cheeks and chin.  I just kept licking and licking as he held my head still.

face down female masturbationI was in total lust!  All I could think about was how aroused I was and how good his orgasm felt.  I reached down to play with my pussy.  He said now it was my turn.  I removed my corset and asked if he would play with my asshole.  I got him a glove and some lube.  I asked how he would like me – would he prefer to see titties or booty?  He chose booty so I got on the be on my knees and bent over with my ass in the air.

I reached down and played with my clit as he gently penetrated my asshole using more and more lube until he was smoothly finger fucking my asshole.  The more aroused I became the wider I spread my knees opening myself up to him more and more.  I had him turn his hand palm down and apply more pressure with his fingers inside me so my pussy was getting internal stimulation too.  It wasn’t long after that when I started cumming on his finger in my asshole, my whole body shaking and my pussy spasming against my hand!

So good!

Golden Showers And Human Toilet Training

water sportsDisgusting fetishes can be difficult to wrap your mind around at first but with time and communication a certain understanding can be reached.  I recently worked with someone who had the fetish of being used as a human toilet.  This was not my first encounter with this fetish and I knew how to work through it with this submissive man.

If you are going to engage in this kind of play you definitely have to have communication first.  Talk about what kind of experience is desired.  The one making the request should be as detailed as possible so their partner can create the desired result.  Does the bottom/receiver enjoy the feeling of the weight of a body on them – their face, head and torso?  Does the bottom simply enjoy the sensation or also the humiliating aspects?  For my client yesterday he explained how he enjoyed being humiliated and objectified for a dominant female’s bathroom needs, to be used as a toilet and spittoon.  He described how being made to feel small, perverted and depraved actually satisfied something inside him.  He shared about an incident in junior high where a girl bully pushed him down and farted in his face and ever since then he’s had a fascination with it.  The only people willing to play this way seem to be professional dominatrix.  In all other aspects of his life he’s “normal” and “average”.

As a top/Dom there can be a lot of pleasure to be had from this kind of play.  Of course, someone being below you, accepting everything that comes from you with enthusiasm, that is a great feeling.  Knowing that you are helping someone to scratch their itch is important.  You are being of service to them.

For play that is very disgusting to you but that you still want to try, start out slow.  Golden showers can be very difficult to give but might be easier to start with than direct toilet play.  Seeing the excitement on the bottoms face and having their face so close to your genitals can be very arousing.  If you become aroused then urinating can be next to impossible.  It’s also difficult to overcome a lifetime of training that you only pee in one place and that it’s yucky to do it anywhere else.  Keep remembering it’s not yucky for your bottom, it’s erotic.  You may need to practice before you are able to relax enough to “let loose”.  Often being in the shower and running warm shower water can help the body relax enough to release.  Also, drinking LOTS of water for the 30-45 minutes before playtime is very helpful.  Then, if you are trying to pee and nothing is coming out all you have to do is “bear down” and push and your full bladder will empty.  Having a lot of water in your system is not only healthy for the giver but will also make the play more enjoyable because your urine will smell better.

For toilet training a direct seal of mouth to urethra is great.  Positioning will depend on the desired sensations.  For my client yesterday, he not only enjoyed being used, but also the sensation of the body weight on him.  Fold up towels for the bottom to use as a pillow and to catch any urine they might miss.  This is an extremely intimate act.  It is one thing to be sitting on someone’s face with them licking and pleasuring you.  It is another to be sitting on someone, their mouth sealed to you, you totally relaxing into the moment, them waiting to receive.  As fluid flows from your body to theirs you feel the movement of their body accepting and taking in what you give.  Sucking, swallowing.  Those small muscle movements provide a special kind of stimulation against the vulva and if you are leaning forward with your stomach against their throat you can feel it as those small muscles push down the liquid.

What’s really great is if you can become aroused (as I do in this situation) you can lean back and masturbate right in their face.  The consistency of your fluids will change as the flow of urine stops and ejaculate starts.  The bottom can taste the difference.  If they like the objectification talk about how you like to masturbate on the toilet.  And cum in the toilet.  And now they are not just the object for your urination but also for your pleasure.  As a top, take your pleasure.  Enjoy the feeling of someone being below you and taking everything you have to give.  Lean into being of service to them and giving them what they need.

Thoughts?  Questions?  Please post in the comments section below.

Internal Conflict

sexuality inner conflictMy biggest source of internal conflict as a teen and young adult when it came to sex was this – how can something that feels so good be wrong?

I had been taught that it’s best to abstain from sex until marriage.  But I didn’t.  And I felt awful about that.  I loved having sex and all kinds of physical pleasure but I hated the feeling of lying, sneaking around, not being strong enough to say no.  I took on a lot of guilt.

As a young adult I tried to change myself.  I tried to be celibate.  I tried to be monogamous.  It wasn’t until I started having open communication in my relationship and we started swinging and I started working in the adult industry that I felt like I was living a lifestyle that was right for me.  For a long time I still felt bad due to the taboo nature of my lifestyle.  It’s only been in the last few years as I learn about sex and sexuality that I’m okay with who I am and release those (thoughts, people, etc) that don’t approve or agree.

You can feel good about your sex and sexuality too – you just have to decide on your guide and make it okay for you.  Is your guide your religion?  Your body?  Your family?  Whatever you choose follow it 100% and you will be happy.  If you find you cannot follow it 100% or you do and you are not happy then maybe you need to try something else.  Experiment!  Play!  You can try all kinds of different things and see if they work for you.

Let me know if you want to talk about this.
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Sexual Orientation Question

Question: 

I’m married and live a straight lifestyle in every way except – I have an attraction to beautiful feminine T-girls.  Am I considered gay, bi or straight?

Answer:

Sexual orientation is not black and white – it is a continuum, a scale with many numbers and shades of grey between one extreme and the other.

Along that continuum you would be considered hetero-flexible or bi-sexual. I would say hetero-flexible personally because you will only be with certain people with male genitals under certain circumstances.

You’re not alone in this:)

Send your sex and sexuality questions to me at nikki@nikkilundberg.com

Clitoris For Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Inspired by V-day this whole month I’ve been focusing on all things vagina – the vulva, squirting, and today I’ll be sharing a few things about the clitoris.

  1. Did you know the clitoris is the only organ in the human body created for the purpose of experiencing pleasure?  Yup, that’s all it does.
  2. The clitoris is actually fairly large.  The part that is visible is called the glans and that is only the very tip.
  3. The clitoris itself does not actually produce or secrete any type of fluid.

The Clitoris | For Pleasure Only

In many ways the clitoris can be compared to the penis but the one way it differs – the penis is a multi-tasker while the clitoris has only one purpose- to feel pleasure.  Many people are disconnected from their bodies in general and their genitals in particular.  Through relaxation and mindful masturbation we can get in touch with our genitals.  As a woman, you can tap into an immense amount of pleasure.  This is because of the clitoris and the way it works inside our bodies.

The Clitoris Is Bigger Than You Might Realize

Attached by ligaments at the pubic symphysis (where the two hip bones meet in the middle), the mons peeks out from beneath the protective hood.  beneath the hood is the body.  Once inside it separates into 2 sections.  Called the crus, these legs extend the length of the labia and encircle the vaginal canal creating the corpus cavernosum.  Then, the clitoris has another extension on each side called the crura.  This leg extends down through the perineum and even alongside the anus attaching to the pudendal nerve.

Here are pictures showing what I’m talking about:

MRI clitoris side view from http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

MRI clitoris side view from museumofsex.com

Clitoris drawn from side.  Pic from http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

Clitoris drawn from side. Pic from museumofsex.com

MRI clitoris top view.  Image from http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

MRI clitoris top view. Image from museumofsex.com

Clitoris drawn from top.  Image from http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

Clitoris drawn from top. Image from museumofsex.com

Image from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/5013866.stm

Image from news.bbc.co.uk

Clitoris drawn from side at rest.  Image from http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

Clitoris drawn from side at rest. Image from museumofsex.com

The Clitoris Does Not Produce Fluid

The vagina secrets many types of fluid, and urine comes from the urethra, but many mistakenly assume that the clitoris produces some type of fluid as well.  The entire vaginal area is made up of erectile tissue (much like a penis) and it has an area of spongy tissue called vestibular bulbs or skene’s glands.  These become engorged during arousal – like the penis – and this is where the ejaculate comes from.  These glands run along side the clitoris below the surface of the labia.  During high arousal and with the right kind of pressure they can release fluid that is very similar to the prostatic fluid created in the male prostate.  The ducts for these glands exit into the opening of the urethra – the opening of which is below the clitoris and just inside the introitus (opening) of the vagina.

Clitoris and bulbs/skene's glands

Clitoris and bulbs/skene’s glands

Why would you want to know all this?  The more aware you are (whether you are the one with the pussy or the one loving on the pussy) the better you will be able to stimulate that pussy.  Just knowing all this is going on under the surface will influence how you treat the area and key you in more deeply to the experience which makes for more pleasure.  And that’s what great sex is all about, right?!

Vulva Stimulation And The Squirting Orgasm2-12-13

Enter your info below to get the purchase link for my new DVD “The Squirting Orgasm”.  This 2 DVD set contains video of my live class, the in class demonstration, and two examples of squirting orgasms.  It comes with a download of the “Guide To Vulva Stimulation | Touches, Strokes And Techniques For Full Female Arousal“.

Retail price: $39.95.  On sale for Valentines Day for $24.95 plus shipping and handling.

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