New year’s resolutions usually fail. While I do like to set intentions and goals and play with the energy of a fresh year, I don’t wait for a new year to start.
There are ways to make goals more achievable, but many people don’t even set erotic goals.
What Do You Want to Experience?
You can set goals to experience more pleasure and connection in your lovemaking. You can set goals to overcome ED, PE, and DE (D stands for delayed). You can make goals to strengthen your pelvic floor, experience less pain, become multi-climactic, or improve your skills.
You can apply most regular goal-setting techniques to this by making it a SMART goal. The CDC’s guide to the SMART framework explains how to make goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.
The one that can be more challenging for erotic goals is accountability because your erotic goal might not be something you can publicly announce and share your journey about on Facebook.
Finding Accountability and Support
For example, a goal I’m currently working on is to increase my stamina and my speed with walking. I can talk about that on Facebook all day long.
Some steps I’ve taken and am starting are: I went to a doctor to help me with hip pain, I started doing cold plunges, I’m cleaning up my diet to decrease inflammation, and I’m recommitting to my exercise routine.
If your goal is to experience more pleasure, that can have some type of stigma or shame around it because in our Judeo-Christian culture, intercourse is for procreation only and it is a sin to have pleasure. And any act that would not produce offspring is a sin as well.
And that’s just on a collective level. As an individual, having an erotic goal might have a negative impact on your partnership, or people might judge you. Either way, it could feel like your safety and security are in danger. If your social circle judges you negatively, they might not accept you, and then you might be an outcast and alone, and that is not okay for our nervous system.
Setting goals for more pleasure and connection can also include making time for intimacy in your relationship or exploring exercises for better sex.
Take the First Step
That’s where my groups and I come in. If you would like to set an erotic goal and get support around it, you are welcome to do so in one of my groups.
If that is still too public for you, send me a message. We can schedule an exploratory session to talk about your goals and whether working together would be a good fit.
You can also learn more about working with me as a sex coach.