How Beliefs Can Affect Anal Pleasure
Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?
I’m Sex Coach Nikki from NikkiLundberg.com.
I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking about anal sex is because of their belief system around it.
This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients, looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.
We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.
Where Our Beliefs About Anal Sex Come From
Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion, and culture.
One way our family can influence us is during potty training as a baby. Often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yucky bottom” and “clean your butt,” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.
One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for men with homosexuality.
The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.
You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation, and it’s definitely for pleasure only.
How Shame Can Influence Sexual Experiences
These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty, and nasty.
Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl,” and that’s great!
But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies, these beliefs need to be examined.
Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.
In fact, I just had this session with a gentleman, and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage. I was able to milk him and everything.
But afterward, he’s like, “I’m not sure if I liked it,” even though his body loved it!
It was mental about his beliefs!
If you’re curious about this type of experience, you can also read my guide on how to give a prostate massage.
Examining Your Beliefs About Anal Sex
What I recommend and what I do with my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.
One way to do this is to keep asking, “So what does that mean?” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.
Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally, then you can ask, “Is this belief supporting me?”
One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.
This is where we would ask, “Are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”
When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they’re running up against a brick wall, that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.
Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).
If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still a no-go, then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.
Finding others who share your interests can also be helpful. Here’s my article about finding a sex-positive community.
My Personal Experience With Anal Pleasure
I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.
As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation, I had a lot of concern about how it looked and how it smelled. I was very concerned.
I found out very quickly, though, that there are plenty of ways to be clean.
When my concerns are about how it looks, I have to remember it’s how it looks as what it is.
A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.
If you’d like support exploring your beliefs about pleasure, communication, and intimacy, learn more about what to expect when working with me.