Too Busy For Sex?

too busy for sex?  Sex Coach Nikki can helpI have been making some updates to this site the last couple of days and just realized that I haven’t written a blog post for over 2 months.  Unbelievable!  I mean, I get lots of satisfaction from writing.  It helps with all kinds of things – helping people, SEO, creating community, etc. yet I went without.

Why?

I was too busy.

I kept putting it off.  I forgot about it.  When I did think of it the time wasn’t right.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  You put off something you know you like and benefit from due to seemingly good reasons and before you knew it a very long time has passed?

This happens a lot with sex and intimacy.  The obstacles are different for different people but the result is the same – a feeling of having missed out.  Other feelings are overwhelm at the prospect of getting started up again, embarrassment or shame for for having dropped the ball, anger and resentment at self for failing… lots of negatives.

Acknowledge and move on.

As much as every day can be a new beginning, so can every hug, every show of affection, every kind word.  Do what you need to do to start over.

Having a hard time with that?  That’s where someone like me comes in.  Find someone to talk to that can help you process through the crap and start fresh.  Someone who can help you identify your story or programming and break it up if it’s not working for you.

That’s the process I’m going through now with all my websites.  I’m grateful I don’t have to do that with my sex and sexuality (this time).

Internal Conflict

sexuality inner conflictMy biggest source of internal conflict as a teen and young adult when it came to sex was this – how can something that feels so good be wrong?

I had been taught that it’s best to abstain from sex until marriage.  But I didn’t.  And I felt awful about that.  I loved having sex and all kinds of physical pleasure but I hated the feeling of lying, sneaking around, not being strong enough to say no.  I took on a lot of guilt.

As a young adult I tried to change myself.  I tried to be celibate.  I tried to be monogamous.  It wasn’t until I started having open communication in my relationship and we started swinging and I started working in the adult industry that I felt like I was living a lifestyle that was right for me.  For a long time I still felt bad due to the taboo nature of my lifestyle.  It’s only been in the last few years as I learn about sex and sexuality that I’m okay with who I am and release those (thoughts, people, etc) that don’t approve or agree.

You can feel good about your sex and sexuality too – you just have to decide on your guide and make it okay for you.  Is your guide your religion?  Your body?  Your family?  Whatever you choose follow it 100% and you will be happy.  If you find you cannot follow it 100% or you do and you are not happy then maybe you need to try something else.  Experiment!  Play!  You can try all kinds of different things and see if they work for you.

Let me know if you want to talk about this.
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A Different Kind Of Spring Cleaning

All the kinky people in the community are probably thinking about enemas,
douches and the like and while I would be happy to share info on those
topics (just ask) that is not what I had in mind.
Enema Spring Cleaning

I am actually going to talk about a spring cleaning for your thoughts and beliefs
about sex and sexuality.  I work with a mentor and she has taught me a lot
about beliefs and how to let go of the ones that don’t make me happy.

People ask me a lot of questions about sex but the #1 question is how did I get
into this line of work.  They want to know how I could be doing something so
different from social norms.  They want to know how I do what I do happily and
with a clear conscience against the way most of us were brought up.

I think the reasons they ask me are different for different people.  Some are
simply curious but many wish they could do the same thing.  Not that they want
to work in the adult industry but because they want to experience the sexual
freedom and happiness that it looks like I’m having.  Because all the sexual
knowledge in the world doesn’t make much difference if you can’t make the
decision to take action and put it into practice.

I have learned through years of personal growth meetings and workshops to
make self-inventory a part of my daily life.  By incorporating the additional piece
of examining my beliefs, letting go of the ones that don’t work for me and
embracing the ones that do I have been able to create a life-style beyond my
wildest dreams.

I invite you to join me now in examining personal beliefs around sex and sexuality
so you too can clean out and release the beliefs that don’t work for you and
experience the best sex life possible.
I'm In Button

The first step is making a decision.  Are you in?

Vulva Victory!

human vulva

Source: http://www.gghospital.in/Normalreproduction.htm

The word vulva means the outside portion of a woman’s vagina.

The word victory is defined as:

1: the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist

2: achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties

I think many of us approach pussies as something to overcome or master.  Many struggles and difficulties come along with the potential for pleasure.

In my video on female ejaculation I talk about how one of my intentions with that class was model how to discuss and communicate about giving and receiving pleasure.  By listening to the class and seeing the demonstration and my interaction with my model the participants were able to get the words they needed to explore female pleasure.

In the video I talk about taking time.  Stimulate the woman’s entire body.  When you do head toward her vagina go from the outside in.  Start with the mons, the part right above the pussy (vulva) and below the belly.  Start with light touch, grazing the surface.  If there’s hair play with it stimulating the follicles.  Communicate with her throughout about what she does and doesn’t like.  Different amounts of pressure will affect different nerves.  Slowly go deeper.

Pubic Symphysis

Source: http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/Pregnancy/Symphysis-Pubis-Dysfunction-%28SPD%29&page=4

Directly below the mons is the pubic symphysis and hip bones.  For many women it feels good to get massaged firmly in this area because there are a lot of ligaments attached.  It can be sexually stimulating because the ligaments are holding the uterus and other pelvic muscles in place so as you are relaxing and massaging the attachments your are indirectly stimulating the clitoris.

More about the clitoris and it’s reach in my next article.

Female Ejaculation DVD

Today I am meeting with the DVD duplication company.  There is a lot more to producing a DVD than I realized!  Today I will be giving him my edited videos of the female squirting orgasm class plus 2 or 3 pieces of video that show female ejaculation.  Then they will make the master DVD with the menu and every thing.  Turns out it will need to be a 2 DVD set because I have so much content!

The price might go up after my consultation with him.  Right now I have the retail price set for $39.95.

I am offering an early bird pre-order special that ends tonight at midnight of $19.95 + S&H.

Sign up below to get the purchase info

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Veterans Special

One thing that’s not discussed so often when it comes to veterans integrating
back into civilian life is their sex and sexuality.  I know from the clients that I’ve
worked with that it is a big deal and usually they suffer in silence.  They are
dealing with all the usual sex and intimacy issues on top of

  • being physically removed from their partner
  • living in an environment during war time that is less than open and accepting (to say the least)
  • mental and physical handicaps

Everyone deserves to experience pleasure.  I know I can help you expand yours.

Whether you are retired or in active service, or the spouse of a vet, you qualify for this offer.

Freebie – email me your questions and I will answer them for free.

Discount – half off telephone sessions or $100 off web cam and in person sessions.

Click here for all the details!

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Three

Sex Coach - Anal MassageDuring couples sex coaching I often teach specific techniques.  One of the most popular is sensual massage and anal massage in particular.  I’m happy to explain the mechanics and set it up so that the couple has the tools they need to practice at home on their own.

Other things I teach in person:
~Fellatio – improve technique and overcome using teeth
~Penis Massage – taking hand jobs to a new level
~Anal Sex – making it feel good for her

Couples Sex Coaching Session

I demonstrate how to slowly approach the anus, massaging first the place where the legs meet the groin, the sits bones and the entire crack.  Soft long strokes one after the other relax and arouse him.  Shorter deeper strokes massaging all the muscles in the crack relax and arouse him even further.  He is going with the flow of arousal and enjoyment, opening his legs further and tilting his pelvis higher.  Applying lubrication directly to the anus I massage his outer sphincter in every direction, gently stretching and relaxing it.  I get even more lube and without penetrating I press inward against his anus with the flat of my thumb.  He asks his wife to come and massage his balls.  She stands across from me with her hand on his scrotum and he reaches back and holds her other hand with his.  Their love and connection is beautiful and I’m loving being a part of it.

Sex Coach Las Vegas - Anal StimulationHe’s ready for penetration and I point my thumb tip in ready to slide it into his anus.  I instruct him to take a deep breath and on his exhale I slide my thumb into him.  I stay there and just hold him, feeling the arousal running through him.  When a person is this aroused stopping and holding can be very pleasurable for them as their muscles flex and relax themselves creating their own internal massage.  Then I gently pressed in every direction.  Envisioning a clock with the tail bone being 12 and the prostate being 6 I stop at each number of the “clock” checking in with him asking how it feels.  He said good a few times and I asked him to rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being not painful – that there might be discomfort but not pain and if there was any pain we needed to stop and address it immediately – and 5 being total bliss.  I continued around the “clock” and when I was twisting my wrist completely I gently pulled out my thumb and inserted my index finger.

I explained in between stops that this was extremely therapeutic – I was massaging all the pelvic floor muscles from the inside.  The arousal helps to facilitate a better pelvic floor massage because the pressure is pleasurable instead of painful.  At the prostate I touched each side and did a few different types of strokes all the time communicating with him about how each felt.   I also slid my finger in and out of his anus and asked if he liked that sensation (he didn’t).  Then I asked if he felt complete and since he did I ended that part of the treatment with gentle holding while his wife held his scrotum.

Other Resources

Want to learn more about erotic massage? Visit one of the following sites for detailed instructional videos.

http://NikkisLessons.com

http://EroticMassage.com


												

Gratitude For Your Sex

Do You Have Gratitude For Your Sex?

root chakraThe World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.

Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more.  Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well.  Now apply this to your sex.  Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals.  When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.

What do you feel? 

ball and chain of shameNow, reflect on your attitude toward your sex.  I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life.  Now is a time for noticing and not judging.  For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex.  My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable.  There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed.  I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”.  I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”.  I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”.  I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner.  I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want.  I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people.  I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.

How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been? 

sex on the brainThink about your actions toward your sex.  My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex.  I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with.  I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.

What have your actions toward your sex been?

5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex

My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.

  1. Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
  2. Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God.  Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
  3. Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things.  Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should.  Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
  4. Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously.  For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
  5. Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know.  The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure.  The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand.  The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.

 

The Naked Gratitude Project

I invite you to participate in the Naked Gratitude Project as a way to consciously share your sex and your gratitude during November.

Tantalizing Tuesday

Happy Halloween / Oktoberfest / Day Of The Dead / Fall Equinox etc.

Day Of The Dead Girl By Lindsay Marie

Isn’t that a beautiful pic?  Click it to see more on a website I came across.

As October comes to an end I’m looking ahead to November
and I’ve decided I want to do a project.

Naked Gratitude

grateful body

I am creating this space to let you open up and get real in a safe way.

Anyone who sees what you send is already “all in” just like you.

Here’s how it works:

I invite you to send in a picture of yourself naked with a gratitude list to
share with the group. This picture does not need to be pornographic.
It does not need to show your face – in the event you want to remain
anonymous I will keep your identity a secret.

With your picture include a gratitude list. The list does not need to be
sexual in nature, however, this will be a place that it’s okay to share
intimate, erotic and sensual feelings of gratitude that may not be
appropriate to share anywhere else so take advantage of it.

I will post your image and your gratitude list on the password protected
page and send you an email containing the password.

The project starts on November 1st! Send your pics and lists to me at
Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com

Why Naked?

I recently got the courage up to post on my website that I do some
of my sex coaching nude.  I was very nervous because I was afraid of
rejection and criticism both professionally and personally.  Therapy is
generally held to a certain standard and nudity is outside the code of ethics
of any licensed therapist in any form or therapy that I know of.

There is a lot of risk but I’ve decided to take the risk because it’s
worth it in light of the benefit.  By being more open about myself and
my work I will be able to help more people with my special gifts.
Once again I’ve come to a point of raw honesty and I’m choosing to
shine more brightly rather than hiding my flame.

Many benefits come from working naked.  Issues about shame
of the body and the genitals are released immediately – something that
can take years and years with talk therapy.  By being naked and seeing
other people – normal, average, everyday people – in the nude we are able
to quickly connect and work on a deeper level.  Arousal is allowed and even
welcome.  Experiencing arousal puts a new spin on any activity and heightens
not only your senses but also your abilities to communicate and be creative.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!  Prayers go out to all those on
the East Coast who are dealing with the hurricane.  For the rest of you, have a
happy and safe Halloween!

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Two

couple holding hands - couples sex coachingI offer lots of options during individual and couples sex coaching sessions.  One option is nudity – either partial or full.  I will follow my clients comfort levels regarding this – but I may push a little too if it will help to move the session along.

I feel that being naked takes away many barriers and almost instantly releases shame around our bodies in general and our genitals in particular.  Nudity also usually generates arousal and with arousal we can work even deeper with your sex and sexuality interests.

Although her practice is very different than mine, Sarah White explains beautifully about how being naked can be extremely therapeutic.  Click here to visit her site and read all about her method of Naked Therapy.

Couples Sex Coaching Session

Their comfort level is full nudity.  I set up the massage table and give him instructions to undress and lay face-down while I use the restroom and wash my hands.  I come out nude and begin the massage while she sits on the bed.

As I massage him the three of us discuss our sexuality.  I ask questions about their successes and challenges and share my own.  By having such an intimate atmosphere they are able to open up quickly and we are able to discuss things on a very deep level almost immediately.

When I get to the buttocks area I demonstrate and explain slow, loving touch that will be easy for her to give and very sensual and pleasurable for him to receive.  Sometimes it’s better to go slower and softer.  The genital and anal area sometimes benefit from simply being held while aroused without any movement.

He likes anal stimulation but she doesn’t love to give it – she will do it sometimes as a treat.  Many couples find themselves in this situation  – one partner enjoys something more (much more) than the other.  There are usually reasons for the dislike of any activity and usually they can be managed if not overcome altogether.  For this couple to have more anal play for him I suggest they incorporate gloves in the bedroom.  Using gloves will increase her confidence that she will not inadvertently hurt him and it will reduce her concerns about messiness.  They could take it a step further by having him give himself an enema before their play.