Fantasy gives us a chance to explore curiosity and desire without having to make it real.
Fantasy can be a wonderful way to bring more playfulness, curiosity, and excitement into your sex life. It can also be a fun way to get in the mood for sex together.
You don’t have to actually do everything you fantasize about. Sometimes the fantasy itself is part of the pleasure.
Make Fantasy Time a Date
Fantasy time can be both playtime and leisure time. Approach it with an open mind.
If you tend to get carried away or have trouble staying focused, give yourselves some structure. For example, make a date and set a time limit.
This can also be a great opportunity to practice your communication skills while fantasizing together.
Let your minds wander, but stay present in your bodies. You may become very mentally engaged as you explore different ideas, which is fine. Even so, continue checking in with yourself.
How does your body feel?
What feels exciting?
What feels uncomfortable?
Pay attention to what is happening physically and emotionally, not just mentally.
Go Exploring Together
Visit an adult toy store.
The great thing about this is that you’ll have an immersive experience that takes you out of your ordinary day-to-day life. You’ll discover things together and get ideas for the future. It can be entertaining too.
Remember, exploring something together doesn’t mean either of you is agreeing to actually try it.
You can be curious about something without wanting to do it. Likewise, you can find something exciting to look at without wanting it in your bedroom. And you can change your mind later.
That’s part of the fun of fantasy. You get to explore possibilities without having to make a commitment.
Explore Online
You can also explore sexual fantasies from the comfort of your own home.
Here are a few places you can explore:
– Explore FetLife.
– Explore swinger or non-monogamy websites and communities.
– Explore Literotica.
– Explore erotic videos together.
– Explore erotic travel destinations, retreats, and vacations.
The point isn’t to find something you have to do. Instead, it’s to discover what catches your attention.
Pay attention to what makes you curious. Notice what turns you on, what makes you laugh, what surprises you, and even what completely turns you off.
All of that information can teach you something about yourself.
Let Yourself Be Curious
One of the best things about fantasy is that you don’t have to judge yourself for what interests you.
Sometimes the fantasies or desires that make us feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or even a little yucky can be especially interesting to explore. They may give us clues about parts of ourselves we don’t usually allow much space for.
That doesn’t mean you need to act on them. Sometimes simply becoming curious about why something has a charge for you can teach you something about yourself.
Exploring our shadow desires can go much deeper than we’re going to explore here. If you’re curious about this kind of inner work, I recommend Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott.
Give yourself permission to explore. Getting curious about what genuinely interests you can also help you get clearer about what you want from your sex life.
Talk about what you find interesting. Talk about what you don’t like. Talk about what you’d be curious to learn more about.
And remember that fantasy, curiosity, and consent are different things.
You can fantasize about something without wanting to do it. Being curious about something doesn’t mean agreeing to it. And you can explore an idea together while still having completely different boundaries around whether you ever want to make it real.
That freedom to explore without pressure can make fantasy much more fun, intimate, and revealing.
What fantasy or curiosity have you been wanting to explore or talk about?
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