Getting in the mood for sex can start with creating space for your erotic self to show up.
Sometimes getting in the mood for sex isn’t as simple as deciding you want to have sex.
Our minds can be full of responsibilities, unfinished tasks, stress, and everything else happening in our lives. If you’re mentally somewhere else, it can be difficult to be fully present and enjoy intimacy.
The good news is that you can prepare yourself.
Sometimes that preparation starts before you even think about getting in the mood. Feeling clean and ready for intimacy can help you relax and focus more fully on pleasure.
Create an Erotic Mindset
Start with an affirmation or mantra that expresses your enthusiasm for intimacy and sex.
It could be something simple like:
“I love my partner.”
Or:
“Every day in every way I’m a better and better lover.”
Find words that feel good to you and repeat them. You can even chant them while you’re walking or doing something else.
The goal isn’t to convince yourself to have sex when you don’t want to. It’s about intentionally turning your attention toward pleasure, connection, and your erotic self.
Use Fantasy and Visualization
Take some time to fantasize about or remember a sensual experience.
Try doing this for five minutes or longer. The point is to strengthen the mind-body connection between our conscious minds and our erotic selves.
If you’ve been out of the swing of having consistent pleasurable encounters, this can help you get back in the groove.
Visualization is used by athletes to prepare for performance, and you can use it to prepare for intimacy too.
Imagine what you want to experience. Let yourself remember what feels good. Pay attention to the sensations, emotions, and desires that come up.
You don’t have to wait until you’re already in bed to start thinking about sex.
Take Care of Your To-Do List
Sometimes the thing getting in the way of sex isn’t a lack of desire. It’s everything else you’re thinking about.
If you have responsibilities that need your attention, either take care of them or schedule a time to deal with them.
Keeping a mental list of things you need to do can make it difficult to be present.
Great sex requires you to be present mentally as well as physically.
Do Something Romantic
Do something that helps you feel connected to your partner or to yourself.
It could be a romantic gesture for your partner or some type of self-preparation to help you become a better lover.
Even reading something that inspires you sexually can be part of your preparation.
Don’t focus only on the outcome. Do it for your own personal satisfaction and gratification.
If you are relying on your partner’s response to feel content, you may be disappointed. Your own experience matters too.
Say Something Nice About Your Partner
Tell a friend how great your partner is.
Saying good things about somebody behind their back can be very powerful. You can keep your positive comments completely PG-rated if you want.
When you speak positively about your partner, you’re strengthening more than one relationship. You’re strengthening your relationship with the friend you’re talking to, your relationship with your partner, and the relationship between your friend and your partner.
If you have kids, letting them hear you say kind and appreciative things about your partner can also model a loving relationship for them.
Write a Love Letter
Write a love letter or record a love note.
This can strengthen your connection to your partner whether they are there or not. They can keep it and revisit it whenever they like.
It can be sweet, intimate, or as spicy as you want.
Just remember to keep it positive. Written harsh words have lasting power, so avoid putting criticism into written communication.
Getting in the mood doesn’t have to mean forcing yourself to feel something you don’t feel.
Instead, think of it as creating space for your erotic self to show up.
If you’re working on the bigger picture, getting clear about why you want to improve your sex life can help you stay connected to what you’re trying to create.
Sometimes all it takes is a little intention, attention, and preparation to shift out of everyday life and into a more sensual state of mind.
Explore More Ways to Get in the Mood
If you’re looking for more inspiration, my book Mild To Wild: Fun and Easy Ways to Heighten Your Intimacy is filled with ideas for exploring sensuality, pleasure, and connection.
From sensual touch and fantasies to trying new experiences, you’ll find practical ways to bring more fun and excitement into your intimate life.
What helps you shift out of everyday life and get into the mood for sex?