Creating a better sex life starts with getting curious about what you really want.
If you want to improve your sex life, one of the best places to start is with a simple question:
Why?
Why do you want better sex?
Getting clear about what you want is the first step toward creating a sex life that actually feels fulfilling to you.
It might seem obvious, but getting clear about your motivation can make a big difference. Whenever you are trying to make a change or grow in some area of your life, you are likely to encounter obstacles. Knowing why you are doing the work gives you something to come back to when things get difficult.
What Do You Want More Of?
Maybe you want to save a relationship or marriage.
Perhaps you simply want more fun.
You might be bored with your sex life and want to bring some excitement back into the bedroom.
Or you may want to feel healthier and more connected to yourself.
Your life circumstances may have changed, and you’re ready to explore a different side of your sexuality.
There are many different ways to explore personal growth, intimacy, and sexuality, depending on what you want to create.
Or maybe you simply want to become a better lover.
There doesn’t have to be one right reason.
Your why is personal to you.
Your Why Can Help You Stay Motivated
Once you know your why, use it.
When you run into resistance, remind yourself what you are working toward. Think about what your life could look like if you created the sexual experiences you really want.
I also love visualization. Take some time to imagine yourself living the life you want to create. Research on mental imagery shows that visualization can play a role in how we plan for the future, learn, and prepare for experiences.
Learning to bring more presence and pleasure into everyday life can also help you become more connected to what you actually want.
Don’t just picture what happens in the bedroom. Imagine how it feels. Think about what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Think about how having the sex life you want might affect other areas of your life.
What would change in your confidence?
Would you feel differently about your body?
Could you show up differently in your relationship?
Imagine how much more playful, connected, or alive you might feel.
This is where your why becomes more than a reason. It becomes part of the vision you are creating for your life.
You Don’t Have to Know Everything Yet
You also don’t have to have your entire sexual future figured out before you begin.
Sometimes you know exactly what you want. Sometimes you just know that what you have isn’t quite working anymore.
That’s okay.
You can start with what you know.
Ask yourself:
What would I like to experience more of?
Is there anything I would like to experience less of?
What am I curious about?
How could my sex life feel more fulfilling, exciting, connected, or fun?
You may discover that your answers change as you learn more about yourself. That’s part of the process.
Start Where You Are
You don’t have to wait until your relationship is perfect, your body looks different, your confidence is higher, or you know exactly what you want.
Start where you are.
Get curious about your desires. Pay attention to what excites you. Give yourself permission to imagine possibilities.
If you want support getting clear about what you want and creating a more fulfilling sex life, erotic life coaching can help you explore those desires.
Then ask yourself one more question:
What would I be willing to do differently to create the sex life I want?
Knowing your why won’t magically make every obstacle disappear. But it can give you the motivation and direction to keep moving forward.
Your desires are worth getting curious about.
And you get to decide what you want to create.
Ready to Explore What’s Possible?
If you’re ready to move beyond thinking about what you want and start exploring new possibilities, my book Mild To Wild: Fun and Easy Ways to Heighten Your Intimacy is a great place to begin.
It’s filled with practical ideas for bringing more pleasure, playfulness, and connection into your intimate life. Whether you’re exploring alone or with a partner, you’ll find plenty of inspiration to help you take the next step.
What is your why? What would having a better sex life create for you?