Why Men Feel Shame About Anal Pleasure
When I first started providing sensual and erotic massage, I learned to follow a person’s pleasure with my touch. My clientele was 99% men.
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With my hands, I followed the energy and movement of their bodies, venturing closer to their anal area with each stroke. I had never given much pleasure to the backside of a person’s body, so I wasn’t sure what I was doing.
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As person after person lay on my table, their bodies asking to be touched in the most sensitive of areas, I learned how to be slow, how to tease, and how to penetrate.
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I enjoyed receiving anal stimulation, so I knew how good it could feel. With practice, I got very skilled at giving it. I also asked these men why they sought anal pleasure outside their relationships, especially if they had a partner.
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Why Men Experience Shame Around Anal Pleasure
Time and again the answer had to do with shame.
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They felt they could not tell their partner that they enjoyed anal stimulation.
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They were afraid they would be labeled as gay, even though enjoying anal stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
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They were afraid of their partner’s reaction.
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They were afraid of being seen as dirty or perverted.
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How Social Conditioning Creates Sexual Shame
I have always felt that if something feels good, and everyone involved is a consenting adult, then it can’t be wrong. I see how our social conditioning makes us wrong for enjoying anal pleasure and I believe it comes down to the fact that we live in a Judeo-Christian dominated culture.
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One way to control people is to control their sexuality. When sex is taught to be acceptable only for procreation, people can come to believe that enjoying it for any other reason is sinful.
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Oral and anal pleasure are off limits.
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Society associated anal pleasure with gay men and sluts/prostitutes, attaching shame and stigma to those identities.
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As a result, people who enjoyed anal pleasure often felt ashamed of their desires.
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Moving Beyond Shame and Exploring Pleasure
Those who come to me for coaching or attend my classes are ready to examine their conditioning and question whether their beliefs still support them.
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They learn safer ways to explore anal pleasure, whether they’re giving or receiving, with an emphasis on communication, consent, and comfort.
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If you’re curious about exploring anal pleasure but have been held back by shame or fear, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
You can learn more about the physical side of pleasure in my guide to prostate massage. And if you’d like support working through limiting beliefs or communicating your desires, private sex coaching may be a good place to start.