Understanding sexual orientation isn’t always easy. Sometimes people question their sexual orientation when they discover unexpected attractions or experience something new.
For example, I received a question about being straight, bisexual, or heteroflexible. Here is the question, along with my original response.
The Question: What Is My Sexual Orientation?
Question:
What is my sexual orientation? I’m married and live a straight lifestyle in every way except I have an attraction to beautiful feminine T-girls. Am I considered gay, bi, or straight?
My Original Answer
Sexual orientation is not black and white. It is a continuum, a scale with many numbers and shades of grey between one extreme and the other.
Along that continuum, you would be considered heteroflexible or bisexual. I would say heteroflexible personally because you will only be with certain people with male genitals under certain circumstances.
You’re not alone in this! 🙂
Understanding Sexual Orientation Today
A clarification about sexual orientation: Transgender women are women. Therefore, attraction to a transgender woman does not automatically make a man bisexual or heteroflexible. A man who feels attracted to women, including transgender women, may identify as straight.
Sexual orientation involves patterns of attraction and personal identity. However, genital preferences alone do not determine someone’s orientation.
Some people identify as straight, gay, bisexual, or heteroflexible. Others prefer different labels or no label at all.
My original answer reflects how I discussed sexual orientation when I first published this question. Today, I would emphasize that each person gets to decide which label, if any, best describes their experience.
Our beliefs about sexuality can also come from social conditioning. For example, we may develop ideas about relationships and attraction through our upbringing and experiences.
I explore the influence of learned beliefs in Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy and Social Conditioning.
Have a Question About Sex or Sexuality?
Send your sex and sexuality questions to me at nikki@nikkilundberg.com.