Quickies can add playfulness, connection, and variety to your sex life.
Quickies can be a great way to have more sex and sexual connection in a busy relationship.
Once you realize that not every sexual encounter needs to be a two-hour ordeal, it can become much easier to make space for sex more often.
But quickies work best when both partners understand what they mean and what they can realistically expect from them.
A Quickie Doesn’t Have to Give You the Same Experience
Have realistic expectations for your quickies.
Many women need more time and stimulation to reach climax than a quickie allows. That is not a problem. If the quickie is initiated by the man, don’t assume the woman will reach her ultimate climax too.
That doesn’t mean there isn’t value in the experience for her.
Sexual connection doesn’t always have to look the same. Sometimes you may have plenty of time to slow down, explore, play, and focus on both partners’ pleasure. Other times you may only have a few minutes.
Both kinds of experiences can have a place in a healthy sexual relationship.
If finding time for sex is already difficult, read <a href=”https://www.nikkilundberg.com/make-time-for-intimacy/“>How to Make Time for Intimacy in Your Relationship</a>.
Don’t Use Your Wife as a Masturbation Aid
This is where communication and consideration become especially important.
In general, men tend to masturbate more frequently than women, and given the choice, many men would prefer a quick sexual connection with their partner over masturbating.
There is nothing wrong with that desire.
But men need to be sensitive to making sure their wives don’t feel like they are simply being used as a masturbation aid.
A quickie can be primarily about his release sometimes without making her feel unimportant. The difference is in how you communicate, how you treat each other, and whether she feels like a willing participant in a shared sexual experience rather than simply a convenient way for him to get off.
Women Can Be Open to Different Kinds of Sexual Connection
There is another side to this conversation too.
Women can be open to different kinds of sexual connection and recognize that a quickie can have value even when it doesn’t include everything they might want from a longer sexual experience.
You don’t have to have your ultimate climax every time for a sexual experience to be worthwhile.
Maybe the payoff is excitement. Maybe it’s feeling desired. Maybe it’s physical affection, playfulness, closeness, or the fun of doing something spontaneous.
And then, when you have more time, you can create a sexual experience with more room for your pleasure, intensity, and full release.
If you sometimes need help transitioning from the rest of your day into an erotic mindset, <a href=”https://www.nikkilundberg.com/get-in-the-mood-for-sex/“>How to Get in the Mood for Sex</a> has several ways to help make that transition.
Set Boundaries Around Quickies
Being open to quickies doesn’t mean being available for one anytime your partner wants one.
Always work within the comfort zone of the least comfortable person.
Talk about what works and what doesn’t.
Maybe never right before work. Never right before bed. Not on Mondays. Whatever your boundaries are, communicate them.
You don’t want your fun to add stress to already stressful moments of your day or week.
For some people, one of the hardest things about a spontaneous quickie is simply dealing with a change of plans. Knowing each other’s preferences ahead of time can make spontaneity easier because you already understand some of the boundaries.
This same kind of communication is important when you <a href=”https://www.nikkilundberg.com/explore-sexual-fantasies/“>explore sexual fantasies together</a>. You can be adventurous without abandoning boundaries.
Make Sure There’s Value for Both Partners
Whatever you do, make sure there’s value in it for both partners.
In general, he may want more sex and more variety, while she may want more time to enjoy the intensity and full release.
Those desires don’t have to compete with each other.
Your sex life can have room for quickies, longer dates, playful encounters, deeply connected sex, spontaneous sex, and many other kinds of experiences.
The more you communicate about what each experience means and what each of you wants from it, the easier it becomes to create a sex life that works for both of you.
Do quickies have a place in your relationship? What makes them enjoyable for both of you?