How your beliefs can hurt you during anal sex with Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?

I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.

This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.

We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.

Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.

One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.

One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.

The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.

You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.

These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.

Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!

But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.

Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.

In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!

It was mental about his beliefs!

What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.

One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.

Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.

One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.

This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”

When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).

If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.

I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.

As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.

I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.

When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex? With Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex?

Hi I’m Sex Coach Nikki and I have been doing sensual and erotic massage for nine years. I can tell you that tight pelvic floor muscles are the number one cause of pain during any kind of anal sex or stimulation.

One way to test your anal and pelvic floor muscles

Sit down on something firm and see if you can squeeze your anus. Squeeze your anal sphincter muscles and see if you can feel your butt moving and does it hurt? Does it feel uncomfortable? Then the next thing to do is push from the inside out and push down toward the surface you’re sitting on and you should feel movement. If you do not feel movement then that means that your muscles are kind of locked. It means your tight ass (laughing).

It’s easy to fix this. You just need to do some self massage or go see a masseuse. Not a regular massage therapistclock face for anal sex pleasure mapping sex coach nikki – they cannot work in this area it is not legal but there are some physical therapists who will work in the anal area. Definitely do what’s right for you as far as what feels good for you.

A better way to test your anal muscles and self massage techniques

Go in the shower with nice warm water and lather up your hands and then (usually using the hand you wipe with because that’s how your back bends easiest. If you’re right-handed use your right hand) start massaging in your anal area.

You’re going to massage your undercarriage and feel for the muscles up and down your butt crack, around your anus and then also all the way around the sphincters. Notice how tight or relaxed they can are.

Imagine the face of a clock on your anus with 12 o’clock being straight towards the tailbone.  Using your fingertip put some pressure against your butthole at each spot on the clock.  Stay at each spot for one breath and make mental note how the muscle feels.

Once you go around the outside, penetrate with your fingertip as far as is comfortable.  Push with firm pressure at each spot on “the clock” pausing for a breath and again noting how the muscle feels.

This is going to be a really great self massage to start relaxing your anal muscles and it’s something you can easily do every day in the shower.

As you get more accustomed to this massage you’ll gain control over your anal muscles and you’ll start learning how to relax them.

You’ll be able to penetrate more deeply eventually penetrating up to your first and then your second knuckle. At each depth you do the same thing – pause for a breath and massage all the points on the clock.

Having a hard time reaching your anus?

Your ability to do this in the shower depends also on how flexible you are. I’m a little bit of a thicker girl so I can’t reach a whole lot standing up. If that’s how you are then you want to move on to the bed to lay down and twist. Make sure to incorporate a lot of lube. In the shower you’re using the soap and that lubricates the area for you but when you’re on your bed you want to use lube.

As long as you’re not about to have sex with a condom you can use almost anything for lube. You can go in the kitchen and get some olive oil or coconut oil. Any kind of oil is fine as long as you’re not about to use a condom.

I hope I gave you some good ideas on getting your muscles relaxed in your anal area and that is probably going to help you have a lot more pleasure during anal sex!

Want to go deeper learning about anal sex?

Sign up for my free email series at https://www.mcssl.com/WebForms/WebForm.aspx?wid=6d040196-f195-42b7-9e30-bdc261e8aff9

August is Anal Sex Month With Sex Coach Nikki!

It’s Anal August once again and I have some fun stuff to share.

Online

I have an excellent full color pdf on the Art of Anal Pleasure that you can sign up for at right here ===>

You will also get a series of emails directly to your inbox with tips about anal pleasure.  Please email me any questions you have so I can include that answer in my email tips.

At NikkisLessons.com I’ll be working on updating the Anal section – making it easier to use and adding new content.  Please let me know if you are in Las Vegas and would like to volunteer to be in a video.  Ideally I’d like to show more work with couples and also more diversity in my videos.

peach emojiLive In Las Vegas

Learn To Give A Safe And Sensual Erotic Massage at The Art Of Anal Pleasure Interactive Demo & Lecture

Friday, August 19, 2016

to

Will be held at a Private Residence Near South Eastern and the 215, Las Vegas, NV

Address will be emailed upon registration on https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learn-to-give-a-safe-and-sensual-erotic-massage-at-the-art-of-anal-pleasure-interactive-demo-lecture-tickets-26980842426

If you are always looking for ways to be a better lover then this class is for you.  Sex Coach Nikki will be teaching an interactive class as well as performing a complete live demonstration.  This will be followed by optional guided practice.

Click here to register.

The number one concern for most people interested in anal pleasure is how to keep it healthy and safe.  Included with this class is a series of emails and videos where I will teach you step by step how to keep things clean, and how to prepare for giving or receiving anal stimulation.  I will also be available to talk about any questions or concerns that come up.

Anal pleasure done right is definitely an art.  I look forward to performing for you and teaching you the beauty that is possible.

Have questions answered regarding:
•How to locate the prostate
•How to massage the anal sphincters for relaxation and pleasure
•How to use a strap on
•How to make sure to keep everything healthy and safe
•Much, much more…

You will leave knowing

•how to talk about anal stimulation with your partner
•how to stay healthy and safe
•how to create a safe space for any emotions that come up to be expressed
•how to deeply relax the body so it can open up and receive
•the anatomy of the anal area
•effective communication strategies for intimacy
•specific ways to tease and please the anus in particular and the entire human body in general

Schedule:

7:00 – Doors open
7:15 – Class begins. Doors are locked. No late arrivals allowed.
8:30 – Break
8:45 – Optional Guided Practice Begins
9:45 – Close Class

A note about the optional guided practice – I am implementing a policy that a telephone conversation is to be had if at all possible with every class attendee to discuss the upcoming class so I can tailor the experience to the people who will be present.  If I cannot speak with you in advance I will not be able to include you in the guided practice portion of the event.

Some things to know:

•The practice session will be clothing optional.
•This is not an orgy or party atmosphere.
•This is a safe space that will allow participants to become completely aware of their body and their erotic energy.
•You must participate in the practice to stay in the room.

—Included in your registration for this class is the Group Sex Class And Optional Play Time that directly follows.  Click here to see more.

Early Bird Registration Until 8/16/2016

$20 for singles
$30 for couples and poly pods

Regular Price

$35 for singles
$45 for couples and poly pods

This will be an alcohol free event.

No money will be accepted at the door.  Click here to register.

Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

For questions feel free to contact Nikki at 702.674.6606

Anal Massage Lesson For Young Couple

Sometimes you have to try something totally different.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 2

anal massage sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergThen I asked them if they had ever considered anal sex.  They said no but they were open to it.  I had her flip over to her stomach and began massaging her glutes and sit bones.  I explained to him all that I was doing.  Using lots of lube I began to massage the crack of her ass.  Very slowly.  I told her before every change in stimulation I made.  I went from that to direct pressure onto her anus.  Using my 3 fingers together I placed them broadly against her anus and pressed into her body slowly increasing the pressure until it was firm checking with her all the time to make sure it was feeling good.  She enjoyed all the external stimulation.  I moved on – slowly – using one fingertip to massage her external sphincter.  Just dipping the tip of my finger into her anus I gently applied pressure – up, to the right, down, and to the left – checking at each point to see if she felt pain and also explaining to her boyfriend what I was doing.

Since everything was feeling good I sunk my finger in a bit deeper so I was penetrating her inner sphincter.  I repeated the pressure in the four different directions.  At this point she wasn’t feeling pleasure just pressure.  I explained that that was fine and that she would take some time to become used to this type of stimulation and to allow it to become erotic.

I slowly began sliding my finger in and out of her anus.  I just kept my finger straight and didn’t apply any pressure in any direction.  She was able to take my entire finger into her anus without discomfort of any kind.  I told them that they would most likely be having anal sex before they had vaginal sex since she wasn’t feeling pain in this area.  I gently bent my finger aiming my finger tip toward her pubic bone.  For the first time she felt the pleasure of pressure against her g-spot.  At the same time she felt like she may have to have a bowel movement.  I reassured her that there was no fecal matter in her rectum and it was just habit that when she felt pressure in this area it meant she had to go to the bathroom and that with practice that physical signal would change.

Her boyfriend wanted to try so I moved and he sat where I had been between her knees.  I coached him to go slower and slower.  He did and was so pleased when he was able to penetrate his girlfriend without bringing her pain.  He began sliding his finger in and out of her anus.  As he got more excited he began to speed up and she asked him to stop.  He did and I explained that the tissue is very sensitive and this is a new type of stimulation.  Over time he would be able to “finger fuck” her and even add a second finger.  I told him that the sign that she would be ready for anal sex is when he is able to smoothly slide tow fingers in and out of her anus without causing discomfort.

We mutually decided she felt done and it was his turn to work with me.

Annilingus Discussion On Facebook

I had to share because I get these questions a lot!  Scroll down to see the conversation in a larger font.

Annilingus conversation p1 Annilingus conversation p2 Annilingus conversation p3

Q:  Do you prefer Annilingus?

Nikki Lundberg hmmm… depends on the partner and the situation. Sometimes it’s hotter but it doesn’t necessarily feel better (receiving). Giving is good when the person is relaxed and aroused. I don’t love an aggressive receiver if that makes sense. I like to be an aggressive receiver at times – but that’s more my nature of being inclined to be a top or dominant

    • Oky, m learning about woman psychology

    • You mean its a tool to fantasize?

Nikki Lundberg It can be. Because it’s an under – utilized erogenous zone for many people it can be extremely intense. It can be done as a gift. The experience can be completely about the sensation (somatic). Or it can be incorporated as part of role play or power exchange – done as a reward or punishment. Some people get excited by being a “dirty girl” or “dirty boy” or by “making” someone else be dirty. Or it can be a mixture of sensate based and role play/power exchange

    • Oky fine

    • Its my first coach, thanks a lot

    • I would like to know if it is done with a women what might be the reaction????

    • How extreme/wild reaction could i expect?

Nikki Lundberg It depends on her beliefs about her anus. Her beliefs will influence what sensations she is open to feeling

Nikki Lundberg For many there is a lot of shame around the asshole. Others couldn’t care less.

    • how you feel?

    • Do you feel wild and horny? When to use it for women?

Nikki Lundberg I’m sorry I don’t understand your question. Can you rephrase?

    • how do you feel if of anniligus?

    • Do you like it?

Nikki Lundberg I usually like it

Nikki Lundberg But I had to get over a lot of mental barriers around anal play before I like it

    • Do you feel wild and horney?

Nikki Lundberg At this very moment? No

    • But i brings arousal to you?

Nikki Lundberg usually

    • Ok, I got it I wanted to know does it really brings arousal or not?

Nikki Lundberg No person is the same. Physically is can bring arousal. But if there are mental blocks then it won’t. It totally depends on your partner.

    • Thanks! a lot

Nikki Lundberg You are very welcome:)

Bottom of Form

 

Great Anal Massage In 10 Steps

Before you begin read through all the directions.

Items you will need:

• Oil- olive, hemp or grapeseedare good choices

• Towels

Optional items:

• Enema – like this one necessary if either the giver or receiver is concerned about a mess

Finger Cots– helpful for an added cleanliness measure and eliminates any concern about rough fingers and sharp nails

• Anal toys- good for prolonged sessions and more intense pressure.  Click here for a ton of ideas.

• Pillows – to prop up the pelvis or a wedge pillow like this one

10 Steps (for graphic how-to videos please visit NikkisLessons.com)

1. Have the receiver lay face down. Start with massaging the lower back, glutes, backs of the thighs and the place where the thighs meet the groin.

2. Once those areas are warmed up and relaxed begin to massage the area in between the butt cheeks. Use lots of oil. Gently explore and massage the tail bone all the way down to the tip of it. Explore the area below the anus. See if you can find the sit bones and massage all around them.

3. With your non-dominant hand, reach forward under the receiver to massage the genitals. Continue to use lots of oil for this as well. For improved accessibility have the receiver lift their butt into the air or place a couple of pillows under their pelvis.

a. For women, follow the tips for vaginal massage.
b. For men, if their penis is flexible enough, you can pull it down so it is pointing in the same direction as the legs and feet. Then you can massage and stimulate the penis and testicles without reaching. It is easier to get the erection going and keep it up during the rest of anal play because sometimes when there is increase pressure on the prostate it is harder for the penis to become erect.

4. Finally, begin to massage the pucker of the anus. You will be able to tell if the muscle is clenched or not. If it is clenched and firm do not proceed any deeper until you feel it relaxing. If you are concerned about cleanliness or accidentally hurting the receiver with your finger nails wear a finger cot.

a. Discomfort is normal as the receiver becomes accustomed to the pressure but there should never be any sharp pains. If there are immediately freeze and/or withdraw your finger. Sharp pains are a warning that damage is being done.
b.  If the receiver is very nervous or has never gotten beyond this point experiment with Anal Relaxing Spray and Anal Relaxing Lube.  These products contain organic and/or herbal ingredients that will relax the nerves in the area but not numb it.  Avoid numbing products because the receiver won’t know if they’re being hurt or if it feels good.

5. As you run your finger tip with firm pressure down from the tail bone toward the anus with you palm facing down you will feel a point where you finger will be able to naturally slide in. At this point your finger will be pointing toward the belly button or the heart of the receiver. Gently press in a little bit. Then pull out and get more lube on your finger tip from the surrounding area. Push it into the anus a little further. Continue this process gradually lubricating the anal passage more and deeper with every stroke.

6. Once your finger is reaching in as deep as the second knuckle your finger tip will now be poking into the exit of the large intestine. Curl your finger down and explore the front of the area.

a. For women, this will begin to stimulate their vaginal wall. The deeper stimulation may even reach her vaginal g-spot. While anal stimulation alone can be very exciting for women, most often it will greatly intensify vaginal stimulation.
b. For men, keep reaching deeper and exploring the front of the area. Although this is deeper on some men than others, you will usually find the prostate once your whole finger is in. It will feel like a strawberry or walnut. Apply firm pressure and ask the receiver if he can feel it and if it feels good. Experiment with circular strokes all around it and strokes running up and down. He may like one more than the other of both just the same.

7. When the anus is relaxed and opened up you can gradually increase the in and out motion of your finger until you are finger fucking the anus. If the receiver is enjoying this, slowly work a second finger in following the same steps as the first. The number of fingers you can get in depends on the receiver, how open they are mentally and how often you practice.

8. At this point you can stay with it as long as the receiver likes. You may want the receiver to change positions and lay on their back so you can engage them with eye contact and give them a greater variety of genital stimulation.

9. If they want more you can either keep adding fingers (some people even graduate up to a whole hand which is called fisting – the fist is actually not formed until the entire hand is in past the anus up to the wrist) or move on to toys. For more on anal toys check out that section.

10. When you are complete with anal play wash up with lots of warm water and soap.

 

Proper Penetration Preparation

I get a ton of questions about how to make anal sex feel good.  First of all, it’s not for everyone.  Second of all, it may take practice (for both giver and receiver) before it’s pleasurable.  There are of skills and techniques you can develop but there are also ‘helper’ items that I like to use even now that I know what I’m doing:)

These are a couple of different items I use whenever I’m going to have anal penetration.

First, I use an organic anal relaxing spray like the one in the picture. This one says “for women” but that is just marketing – the one for men has the same things in it.

When you spray this on you usually feel a warming sensation and it may even be tingly. This passes rather quickly leaving you more aroused than when you started. For a lot of women it makes them instantly wetter. This takes 5 to 10 to go into full effect.

After that’s feeling good on the exterior, I move on to using a lube for the interior. It also has organic relaxers. Work this into the butt and give it a few minutes to do it’s magic.

Neither of these numb so you won’t be in danger of getting hurt and not knowing it. Don’t get them on your pussy or cock – or mouth – it won’t hurt but it will feel funny and might make it harder to climax.

I also find that I like to add a bit more wetness to the mix as well. That’s when I mix in the Jo H2O lubricant. I like mixing the water based lube in… it’s also handy for more sensitive vaginal sex:)

If you have some lubes and products you like feel free to share – these are what have worked best for me:)

P.S. If you’d like to see some graphic how to videos visit http://nikkislessons.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 Things You Must Know About Anal And Sex Toy Cleanliness

There are some very specific things you can do to be clean and safe with anal play and using sex toys.

First, the anus:

  1. Always use lots of soap and warm water especially in the anal area.
  2. Using soap and your finger clean just inside the anus around the rim.
  3. Disinfectant wipes are a quick way to clean in a hurry.
  4. Perform an enema to take your cleanliness to the next level.
  5. Use a barrier (a glove for finger play, a dental dam, condom cut open or glove cut open for oral play a.k.a. analingus) to prevent bacteria transfer.

Second, sex toys:

  1. For sex toys use a toy cleaner for best results. You can also use rubbing alcohol.
  2. For fastest clean up and to ensure you are not coming in contact with any old germs, use a condom over your toy.

Having sex – and anal sex in particular – can get very messy. That is part of the fun for most people! The naughty factor and the possibility of making a mess can create excitement. Some people do even like to play with excrement – it is called scat play or brown showers. For me that is a hard boundary (something I won’t do no matter what) since nothing about poo is sexy to me. What is sexy is the intense sensations I can give and receive by stimulating the anus just right.

I’ve addressed cleanliness in this article because that is often the first concern a person has who is considering exploring anal pleasure. We think of the scene from Zack and Miri Make a Porno where the porn actress is getting penetrated anally and loses control of her bowels. That is hype and was made up to be funny. While anal penetration can be messy I’ve never experienced or heard of anything near that happen in real life.

Whenever you are stimulating the anal area in addition to cleanliness always keep in mind how sensitive it is. Be very gentle until more is requested. Once the anus muscled have relaxed, more vigorous stimulation can be applied as long as there is sufficient lubricant. If you enjoy anal play and want to continuously increase the level of pleasure you can take consider using a butt plug. By using a butt plug for short periods on a regular basis you will be more able to enjoy anal play.

Many men ask me if their interest in anal play means they’re homosexual or bisexual. The answer is NO! There are several reasons anal play is pleasurable.

  • Pressure in that area is naturally pleasurable… it’s important that we enjoy having bowel movements, right?
  • The prostate can receive direct stimulation which can be much more intense.
  • Some men like to be submissive and just receive the pleasure/abuse. In a long term relationship this can be a positive part of role play or power exchange.

Whether you are male or female, follow these suggestions and your anal experience will be a pleasurable one.

Click Here to do some online shopping for toy cleaner, lube and toys;)