I’ve noticed something interesting when I promote events and programs focused on women’s pleasure. I often get a surprising amount of attention from men! It’s not bad or wrong, just interesting.
I have a few theories about why this happens, and they reinforce just how important it is to help women develop a healthier relationship with pleasure.
Before I get too deeply into this, let me make one disclaimer. I know I’m using generalizations. These patterns don’t apply to everyone, and people of all genders can experience shame, conditioning, and challenges around pleasure. I’m sharing observations from my own experience, not suggesting that every man or woman thinks or behaves the same way. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
Why Men Respond When I’m Marketing to Women
Conditioning: Men do not receive the same amount of anti-pleasure and anti-sex conditioning as women. It’s ok for men to pursue gratification. It might not be ok for them to get caught doing it, but they can go for it as long as they are discreet.
Less shame: This is still conditioning, but specifically, women have been taught to feel more shame around pursuing pleasure and satisfaction than men have. Many men will do something that they feel wrong about as long as they can get away with it, while most women will feel bad about themselves if they do something “wrong”.
Different Meanings Around Physical Intimacy
Different meanings: The act does not carry the same meaning for most men as it does for women. Women have been taught that physical intimacy is necessarily tied to their value and romance. They need to control how they dispense it to control their perceived value.
We are taught to say no and to not arouse unwanted attention, or else it would be our own fault if something happened that we didn’t like. That only s l u t s and w h o r e s enjoy physical intimacy, so if you want it, then that is what you are. And those kinds of girls don’t deserve respect or care.
If you’d like to explore how these beliefs influence your relationship with intimacy, read Why Do You Want Better Sex? Start With Your Why.
Men Need Care, Attention, and Love Too
Hungry for care, attention, and love: They see the way that I am putting attention on the ladies, and they want some too.
There is such a lack of care in our world, especially for sensitive men, that they will take it anywhere they can get it. They sense that I might understand their side of the coin (which I do more than most), which leads them to reach out to me.
Helping Women Explore Pleasure Without Shame
Are there reasons you think I missed? Feel free to share in the comments.
I do work with men, women, and couples. It just so happens that right now, I’m putting my focus on women. I’m hoping that the extra attention and focus will encourage women to shed some of the conditioning that has them bound up in a no-win situation regarding physical intimacy and pleasure.
If you recognize some of these messages in your own life, I encourage you to explore how they’ve shaped your relationship with pleasure. You deserve to experience pleasure without shame, guilt, or the feeling that you need someone else’s permission.
For more ways to explore your desires, you might enjoy How to Get in the Mood for Sex or How to Find a Sex-Positive Community and Meet Like-Minded People.
For additional educational information about sexual health and pleasure, visit the International Society for Sexual Medicine.
Explore More Ways to Enjoy Pleasure
Want practical ideas for exploring pleasure, overcoming inhibitions, and creating more satisfying intimate experiences? Check out my book, Mild To Wild: Fun and Easy Ways To Heighten Your Intimacy, for fun and easy ways to deepen your connection with yourself and your partner.