Masturbation Coaching For Slow Sex

When trying something new as a couple it’s ideal for both to get coaching together.  Also, the habits of each persons solo sex will effect the couple’s partner sex.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 3

masturbation coaching sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergHe lay on the bed on his back and I sat between his knees.  We talked about his masturbation habits and techniques.   He masturbates several times a week using porn.  I saw how he was touching himself while I was working with his girlfriend.  He used a strong grip and aggressive jacking motions.  I explained that not many pussies would be able to re-create that type of intense stimulation.  He would need to change his habits in order to become sensitized for the gentler feeling of vaginal penetration.  Even for anal sex where the sphincter is tighter he will need to go slowly at first and that could make his erection wane.  On top of all that they want to use condoms for birth control and since condoms can also decrease sensation he needed to get his cock more sensitive to subtle stimulation.

Using my hand and lube I gently massaged his cock somewhat simulating the way a pussy would feel.  He was not able to become fully erect because the lack of stimulation – both visual and physical.  That’s the other thing about having the habit of using pornography to masturbate – partner sex is usually not as visually sensational.  A person may have no problem becoming aroused and climaxing with porn but with their partner they may be unable to and this is why.  I explained to him that not only does he need to become more sensitive to gentler stimulation but he also needs to become more in touch with his body and physical stimulation in general so he won’t be reliant upon visual stimulation.  I asked him if he had ever done PC muscle exercises and he said no.  I explained that with strong pelvic floor muscles he could consciously pump more blood into his dick and his erection would also be stronger and thicker.

In light of all this information I suggested he enroll in my 30 day self pleasure program which outlines a routine for becoming more sensate focused and strengthening the PC muscles.

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To find out about the 30 Day Self Pleasure Program visit http://www.nikkilundberg.com/30-day-self-pleasure-program/

Gratitude For Your Sex

Do You Have Gratitude For Your Sex?

root chakraThe World English Dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for a gift or favors”.

Yes, gratitude is a feeling, but in my understanding it is so much more.  Gratitude can be an action and an attitude as well.  Now apply this to your sex.  Take a moment, a deep breath, and check in with your gut and your genitals.  When I do this I feel a sense of expansion in my pelvic region.

What do you feel? 

ball and chain of shameNow, reflect on your attitude toward your sex.  I have felt different ways about my sex at different times in my life.  Now is a time for noticing and not judging.  For most of my life and even sometimes nowadays I have not been grateful for my sex.  My desires don’t fit with what I’ve been trained to believe is good and acceptable.  There have been times that my appetite for sex and variety made me feel ashamed.  I’ve gotten very frustrated with myself for not being “normal”.  I’ve resented myself for a seeming inability to be satisfied with “normal”.  I’ve ignored my sex and tried to forget about it so I could be more “normal”.  I’ve settled for lackluster experiences so I wouldn’t hurt my partner.  I’ve compromised what was true for me so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the sometimes hard work of getting what I really want.  I’ve felt ashamed for using my sex to manipulate people.  I’ve been self conscious of the way my pussy looked or smelled and of how close it was to my anal area.

How has your attitude toward your sex and sexuality been? 

sex on the brainThink about your actions toward your sex.  My actions have not always shown my gratitude for my sex.  I’ve masturbated hard, even violently, to get it over and done with.  I’ve accepted touch from lovers that didn’t feel good – sometimes even hurt – and done nothing about it.

What have your actions toward your sex been?

5 Ways To Develop Gratitude For Your Sex

My path has been more extreme than some so I will share some of the principles and steps that I have integrated and taken along my journey to being grateful for my sex and sexuality.

  1. Willingness to have a better experience – Without the willingness to experiment and go through the experiences I never would have moved forward with my sexuality.
  2. Developing my relationship with my Higher Power – We have our own definitions of God.  Whether you subscribe to someone else’s definition or have developed your own, find a way to make your sex and sexuality right.
  3. Self reflection – looking inside myself and finding out how I felt about things.  Then, I look at the feeling and see where it’s from – it it’s really from within me or if it is something I feel because I think I should.  Getting honest with myself about what is okay with me and what is not.
  4. Sharing with others in a conscious way – There is a difference between doing something consciously vs. unconsciously.  For much of my life I was unconscious about my sex and when I did wake up about it a little bit I would quickly push it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  Now I know that by sharing – verbally, in writing and in person – while staying consciously aware of myself – my feelings, my actions and reactions – I love my sex more and more all the time and part of that love is feeling gratitude.
  5. Experimentation And Education – The more I know the more I know I don’t know.  The learning can go on for infinity just like the expansion of pleasure.  The two – learning and expanding pleasure – also go hand in hand.  The more you know about your sex the more you will be able to enjoy it.

 

The Naked Gratitude Project

I invite you to participate in the Naked Gratitude Project as a way to consciously share your sex and your gratitude during November.