When trying something new as a couple, it’s ideal for both to get coaching together. Also, the habits of each person’s solo sex will affect the couple’s partner sex.
Understanding His Masturbation Habits
He lay on the bed on his back, and I sat between his knees. We talked about his masturbation habits and techniques.
He masturbated several times a week using porn. I saw how he was touching himself while I was working with his girlfriend. He used a strong grip and aggressive jacking motions.
I explained that not many pussies would be able to recreate that type of intense stimulation. He would need to change his habits to become sensitized to the gentler feeling of vaginal penetration.
Even for anal sex, where the sphincter is tighter, he would need to go slowly at first. That could make his erection wane.
On top of all that, they wanted to use condoms for birth control. Since condoms can also decrease sensation, he needed to get his cock more sensitive to subtle stimulation.
Exploring Gentler Stimulation
Using my hand and lube, I gently massaged his cock, somewhat simulating the way a pussy would feel.
He was not able to become fully erect because of the lack of stimulation, both visual and physical.
I explained that he needed to become more sensitive to gentler stimulation. He also needed to become more in touch with his body and physical stimulation in general.
Developing greater awareness of physical sensations could help him become less reliant upon visual stimulation.
Exploring your own body and pleasure can also be a valuable part of personal growth. I share more about this in Treasures From Self-Examination and Pleasure Practices.
The Role of Pornography and Arousal
That’s the other thing about having the habit of using pornography to masturbate. Partner sex is usually not as visually sensational.
A person may have no problem becoming aroused and climaxing with porn. With their partner, however, they may be unable to, and this can be one reason why.
A note about masturbation and pornography: Masturbation habits and pornography can influence arousal patterns for some people. However, these effects are not universal. Difficulty becoming aroused with a partner can have many possible causes, including stress, relationship dynamics, medications, and physical health.
Pelvic Floor Exercises and Sexual Awareness
I asked him if he had ever done PC muscle exercises, and he said no.
I explained that with strong pelvic floor muscles, he could consciously pump more blood into his dick. His erection could also become stronger and thicker.
Pelvic floor exercises may support erection function for some people, although stronger muscles do not automatically mean stronger erections. Proper muscle coordination and relaxation are important too.
For more information, read my article on exercises for better sex.
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