There are many sexually conservative cultures throughout the world. I work with you to observe your comfort levels and provide the most informative, pleasurable experience possible.
A Young Couple Struggling With Penetration
I met with a couple who were visiting from out of town. They had been looking online for a massage therapist and came across my site. Seeing that, in addition to offering massage, I also offer sex coaching, they set up an appointment with me.
They were very nervous. Neither one of them had done anything like this before. They were in their mid 20s and were both virgins. This was not by choice.
They had been in a committed relationship for several years but had several problems when it came time for penetrative sex. This had caused their passion to wane. Even though they had enjoyed oral sex in the past, the fun had left that too because of their frustration.
Creating a Comfortable Environment
When I arrived, we discussed their situation and their histories. They were both from a very conservative culture that didn’t allow for free sexual expression and experimentation. They had never found someone to consult with.
They said they would be much more comfortable if I would be nude with them, as they were very ashamed of all these issues, and I offered it. Seeing and being seen is the best way I’ve found to release shame.
If you’re curious about my approach, you can read more about what to expect when working with Sex Coach Nikki.
Exploring the Source of Vaginal Pain
I began by examining her. She said she felt pain in her vagina.
I slowly examined from the outside, starting with the abdomen and vulva, asking all the time what her arousal level was. When she reported that she was more than 50% aroused, I began exploring her inner labia, clitoral hood, and clitoris. Still all pleasure, no pain.
While I was working with her, the boyfriend asked if he was allowed to touch himself. I said sure, that it was normal and natural, and this was an erotic situation.
He was surprised he wasn’t more physically aroused. I explained it was because, even though this situation might be very close to the fantasies he held in his mind, I was still keeping things fairly clinical.
I suggested he enjoy what was happening rather than judging it against what he thought should be happening.
Continuing my examination, I began to slowly penetrate her vaginal opening (the introitus). Now the pain started. Pinchy. Burning. Bad.
I got out some castor oil and applied it liberally to my finger and to her vulva. Slowly, painfully slowly, I sunk my fingertip into her pussy.
The majority of the pain was strongest on the bottom. I shifted the pressure to the top of the opening, and that worked until I got to the second knuckle. Then she felt pain there too.
Learning to Recognize Nonverbal Cues
I noticed that she would tense up periodically. I pointed out the signs to her boyfriend so he could tell when he needed to slow down, just by her nonverbal cues.
Understanding each other’s comfort levels is an important part of intimacy. It also helps couples communicate about their experiences together.
For more ideas about nurturing intimacy in a relationship, read my article on how to make time for intimacy.
A note about vaginal pain: Persistent pain or burning with penetration deserves evaluation by a qualified healthcare professional. There can be several possible causes, and identifying the cause can help guide appropriate treatment. Sex coaching can support communication and intimacy, but it does not replace medical evaluation. Pain is a reason to stop penetration rather than push through it.
Interested in Couples Sex Coaching?
Interested in booking a session for couples sex coaching?
Text me to set up a time to talk, or email me with your interest.
7026746606 – text first to schedule