Take an Honest Look at Your Sex Life
The first step to improve your sex life is to acknowledge what has already happened. This is the hard work that many of us try to avoid.
Taking stock of the current state of affairs and the past can be very helpful. It can also be harmful.
Try the following two exercises. (Tip: Read all the suggestions first before starting.)
Exercise 1: Acknowledge What’s Not Working
- Get into your body. Breathe deeply and notice how you feel in the moment.
- With a pen and paper, make a list of all the things that aren’t the way you want them to be in your sex life. Acknowledge them. Contrast brings clarity, but only if you see it.
- Notice your physical sensations. Notice when things feel bad in your body. Avoid being too hard on yourself and dwelling in the negative.
- Be as objective as possible. You are noticing and acknowledging, not judging.
- Release the negative feelings you have tied to these things. The best way to do this is to take personal responsibility for your experience. That gives you the power to change your future experiences. If someone else seems to be to blame, take a deep breath and look at how you might have put yourself in the position to be hurt.
A note about personal responsibility: Taking responsibility for your choices and future experiences does not mean you caused or deserved someone else’s hurtful behavior. You can recognize where you have the power to make changes without taking responsibility for another person’s actions.
Once you have completed the above exercise, pause, breathe, and move on to the next exercise.
Exercise 2: Recognize What’s Going Well
It’s time to look at the positives.
- Make sure you’re in your body.
- Again, with pen and paper, write down all the things that are good, positive, or going the way you want.
- Make this list as long as your first list, and then add five more things.
This exercise will help you develop an attitude of gratitude. It will also help you operate on a higher vibration, making it easier to attract and manifest those things that bring you pleasure.
If you’d like to explore your motivations further, read my article Why Do You Want Better Sex? Start With Your Why.
Share Your Reflections and Release Shame
Find someone to share these lists with. If you can’t find someone, you are welcome to send them to me.
Why? Because being witnessed is the best way to release shame.
Chances are you have some shame around the things that didn’t go well. By sharing them and putting the light of day on them, their power diminishes.
You may also get great feedback that can aid in acknowledging and releasing the negativity!
For more reflections on personal growth and self-awareness, explore Treasures From Self-Examination and Pleasure Practices.