How your beliefs can hurt you during anal sex with Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?

I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.

This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.

We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.

Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.

One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.

One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.

The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.

You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.

These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.

Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!

But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.

Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.

In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!

It was mental about his beliefs!

What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.

One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.

Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.

One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.

This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”

When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).

If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.

I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.

As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.

I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.

When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex? With Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex?

Hi I’m Sex Coach Nikki and I have been doing sensual and erotic massage for nine years. I can tell you that tight pelvic floor muscles are the number one cause of pain during any kind of anal sex or stimulation.

One way to test your anal and pelvic floor muscles

Sit down on something firm and see if you can squeeze your anus. Squeeze your anal sphincter muscles and see if you can feel your butt moving and does it hurt? Does it feel uncomfortable? Then the next thing to do is push from the inside out and push down toward the surface you’re sitting on and you should feel movement. If you do not feel movement then that means that your muscles are kind of locked. It means your tight ass (laughing).

It’s easy to fix this. You just need to do some self massage or go see a masseuse. Not a regular massage therapistclock face for anal sex pleasure mapping sex coach nikki – they cannot work in this area it is not legal but there are some physical therapists who will work in the anal area. Definitely do what’s right for you as far as what feels good for you.

A better way to test your anal muscles and self massage techniques

Go in the shower with nice warm water and lather up your hands and then (usually using the hand you wipe with because that’s how your back bends easiest. If you’re right-handed use your right hand) start massaging in your anal area.

You’re going to massage your undercarriage and feel for the muscles up and down your butt crack, around your anus and then also all the way around the sphincters. Notice how tight or relaxed they can are.

Imagine the face of a clock on your anus with 12 o’clock being straight towards the tailbone.  Using your fingertip put some pressure against your butthole at each spot on the clock.  Stay at each spot for one breath and make mental note how the muscle feels.

Once you go around the outside, penetrate with your fingertip as far as is comfortable.  Push with firm pressure at each spot on “the clock” pausing for a breath and again noting how the muscle feels.

This is going to be a really great self massage to start relaxing your anal muscles and it’s something you can easily do every day in the shower.

As you get more accustomed to this massage you’ll gain control over your anal muscles and you’ll start learning how to relax them.

You’ll be able to penetrate more deeply eventually penetrating up to your first and then your second knuckle. At each depth you do the same thing – pause for a breath and massage all the points on the clock.

Having a hard time reaching your anus?

Your ability to do this in the shower depends also on how flexible you are. I’m a little bit of a thicker girl so I can’t reach a whole lot standing up. If that’s how you are then you want to move on to the bed to lay down and twist. Make sure to incorporate a lot of lube. In the shower you’re using the soap and that lubricates the area for you but when you’re on your bed you want to use lube.

As long as you’re not about to have sex with a condom you can use almost anything for lube. You can go in the kitchen and get some olive oil or coconut oil. Any kind of oil is fine as long as you’re not about to use a condom.

I hope I gave you some good ideas on getting your muscles relaxed in your anal area and that is probably going to help you have a lot more pleasure during anal sex!

Want to go deeper learning about anal sex?

Sign up for my free email series at https://www.mcssl.com/WebForms/WebForm.aspx?wid=6d040196-f195-42b7-9e30-bdc261e8aff9

August is Anal Sex Month With Sex Coach Nikki!

It’s Anal August once again and I have some fun stuff to share.

Online

I have an excellent full color pdf on the Art of Anal Pleasure that you can sign up for at right here ===>

You will also get a series of emails directly to your inbox with tips about anal pleasure.  Please email me any questions you have so I can include that answer in my email tips.

At NikkisLessons.com I’ll be working on updating the Anal section – making it easier to use and adding new content.  Please let me know if you are in Las Vegas and would like to volunteer to be in a video.  Ideally I’d like to show more work with couples and also more diversity in my videos.

peach emojiLive In Las Vegas

Learn To Give A Safe And Sensual Erotic Massage at The Art Of Anal Pleasure Interactive Demo & Lecture

Friday, August 19, 2016

to

Will be held at a Private Residence Near South Eastern and the 215, Las Vegas, NV

Address will be emailed upon registration on https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learn-to-give-a-safe-and-sensual-erotic-massage-at-the-art-of-anal-pleasure-interactive-demo-lecture-tickets-26980842426

If you are always looking for ways to be a better lover then this class is for you.  Sex Coach Nikki will be teaching an interactive class as well as performing a complete live demonstration.  This will be followed by optional guided practice.

Click here to register.

The number one concern for most people interested in anal pleasure is how to keep it healthy and safe.  Included with this class is a series of emails and videos where I will teach you step by step how to keep things clean, and how to prepare for giving or receiving anal stimulation.  I will also be available to talk about any questions or concerns that come up.

Anal pleasure done right is definitely an art.  I look forward to performing for you and teaching you the beauty that is possible.

Have questions answered regarding:
•How to locate the prostate
•How to massage the anal sphincters for relaxation and pleasure
•How to use a strap on
•How to make sure to keep everything healthy and safe
•Much, much more…

You will leave knowing

•how to talk about anal stimulation with your partner
•how to stay healthy and safe
•how to create a safe space for any emotions that come up to be expressed
•how to deeply relax the body so it can open up and receive
•the anatomy of the anal area
•effective communication strategies for intimacy
•specific ways to tease and please the anus in particular and the entire human body in general

Schedule:

7:00 – Doors open
7:15 – Class begins. Doors are locked. No late arrivals allowed.
8:30 – Break
8:45 – Optional Guided Practice Begins
9:45 – Close Class

A note about the optional guided practice – I am implementing a policy that a telephone conversation is to be had if at all possible with every class attendee to discuss the upcoming class so I can tailor the experience to the people who will be present.  If I cannot speak with you in advance I will not be able to include you in the guided practice portion of the event.

Some things to know:

•The practice session will be clothing optional.
•This is not an orgy or party atmosphere.
•This is a safe space that will allow participants to become completely aware of their body and their erotic energy.
•You must participate in the practice to stay in the room.

—Included in your registration for this class is the Group Sex Class And Optional Play Time that directly follows.  Click here to see more.

Early Bird Registration Until 8/16/2016

$20 for singles
$30 for couples and poly pods

Regular Price

$35 for singles
$45 for couples and poly pods

This will be an alcohol free event.

No money will be accepted at the door.  Click here to register.

Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

For questions feel free to contact Nikki at 702.674.6606

Anal Massage Lesson For Young Couple

Sometimes you have to try something totally different.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 2

anal massage sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergThen I asked them if they had ever considered anal sex.  They said no but they were open to it.  I had her flip over to her stomach and began massaging her glutes and sit bones.  I explained to him all that I was doing.  Using lots of lube I began to massage the crack of her ass.  Very slowly.  I told her before every change in stimulation I made.  I went from that to direct pressure onto her anus.  Using my 3 fingers together I placed them broadly against her anus and pressed into her body slowly increasing the pressure until it was firm checking with her all the time to make sure it was feeling good.  She enjoyed all the external stimulation.  I moved on – slowly – using one fingertip to massage her external sphincter.  Just dipping the tip of my finger into her anus I gently applied pressure – up, to the right, down, and to the left – checking at each point to see if she felt pain and also explaining to her boyfriend what I was doing.

Since everything was feeling good I sunk my finger in a bit deeper so I was penetrating her inner sphincter.  I repeated the pressure in the four different directions.  At this point she wasn’t feeling pleasure just pressure.  I explained that that was fine and that she would take some time to become used to this type of stimulation and to allow it to become erotic.

I slowly began sliding my finger in and out of her anus.  I just kept my finger straight and didn’t apply any pressure in any direction.  She was able to take my entire finger into her anus without discomfort of any kind.  I told them that they would most likely be having anal sex before they had vaginal sex since she wasn’t feeling pain in this area.  I gently bent my finger aiming my finger tip toward her pubic bone.  For the first time she felt the pleasure of pressure against her g-spot.  At the same time she felt like she may have to have a bowel movement.  I reassured her that there was no fecal matter in her rectum and it was just habit that when she felt pressure in this area it meant she had to go to the bathroom and that with practice that physical signal would change.

Her boyfriend wanted to try so I moved and he sat where I had been between her knees.  I coached him to go slower and slower.  He did and was so pleased when he was able to penetrate his girlfriend without bringing her pain.  He began sliding his finger in and out of her anus.  As he got more excited he began to speed up and she asked him to stop.  He did and I explained that the tissue is very sensitive and this is a new type of stimulation.  Over time he would be able to “finger fuck” her and even add a second finger.  I told him that the sign that she would be ready for anal sex is when he is able to smoothly slide tow fingers in and out of her anus without causing discomfort.

We mutually decided she felt done and it was his turn to work with me.

Add Oil For Bedroom Fun

If you’re looking for ways to spice things up then this is definitely one of them – add oil!

Here’s a story from The Adventures Of A Las Vegas Masseuse that demonstrates how you can incorporate oil for bedroom fun.  Enjoy!

I set up the massage table and got started with the massage.  He and I talked about business, swinging and new year’s resolutions.  It was nice because we really clicked.

As I finished his first thigh I massaged his groin, pulling my hands from the front side of his groin to his back side in long, slow, firm strokes.  I pressed especially hard on his sit bones while inadvertently grazing his ass crack and asshole.  I saw that he liked it because he spread his legs wider and tilted his pelvis a bit.  With each stroke I got closer and closer to the center of the crack of his ass until my stroke was beginning at the head of his cock, covering his ball sack and running up the crack of his ass to finish just past his tail bone.

Just when his cock was completely rock hard and he was starting to squirm on the table I left the area to work on his calf and foot.  I moved to his other leg and after massaging his glute and thigh I worked my way into his ass crack again to the point of him wiggling a bit.  Stopping, I moved to finish his calf and foot.

I grabbed a hand towel and told him I had to remove a little excess oil.  I wiped off his butt cheeks and the inside of his ass crack.  Climbing on the table behind him in between his legs I put one hand on each cheek and gently spread him open.  After teasing first by blowing cool air and then opening my mouth wide and exhaling warm breath air right onto his asshole, I started kissing the entire area with light little pecks.  Then I began to gently lick the area, softly at first, covering the whole area with saliva.  As I became more aroused I used my tongue more and more firmly and directly on the rosebud of his ass.  Swirling, going up and down and side to side, stopping to suck and bite on his ass cheeks, I let him hear my pleasure with moans.

When I’d had enough I got up and got out the gloves.  I trailed them along his body very slowly to give a feather light strokes.  I spent extra time around the buttocks.  I stuck my tongue into his ass crack again as I pulled each glove on.  Getting my gloved hands oiled up, I massaged the anus all around the opening.  Covering my finger with lube I slowly worked it in.  He didn’t enjoy the deeper probing and massaging so I stayed shallow and used my other hand to massage his cock.

After awhile I had him turn onto his back.  He had gone partially soft as all his attention was on his anus.  Using my mouth I got his dick completely covered with saliva and then slowly started moving my lips up and down his shaft.  As soon as he came to a full erection I stopped and began to massage the front of his leg.  When I was finished with the first leg he had gone a little soft again so once again I used my mouth to gently and slowly get him hard.  He talked about how he enjoyed feeling my boobs on his leg.

Once I finished massaging his leg I rubbed oil all over his groin, belly and chest.  Climbing on the massage table and coming up between his legs I got on my hands and knees and hovered above him.   I slowly lowered my breasts against his groin and began to grind my chest in all different directions.  Lowering my torso more, I pressed up, sliding up his belly and chest until I could feel his hard cock pressing into my belly.  I gyrated against him randomly licking and biting his chest and neck.  He told me to stop or he would cum.  I held still and asked him if he would like another position.  He wanted the same booby/body rub but on his back side.

slide for bedroom funHe flipped over to lay on his stomach.  I poured oil all over his back and spread oil all over my boobs and belly.  Starting from where his head lay, I climbed onto the table, sliding my breasts down his back starting at his shoulders.  As my torso lined up completely with his I had one knee planted on each side of his head.  I spread his ass cheeks and licked some more and enjoyed the feeling of his hot breath on my inner thigh.

Continuing my body slide I got to the point where my pussy was on his ass.  I took that opportunity to grind my clit against his tailbone.  Because of all the oil my pussy lips were able to spread completely open and I could feel the texture of his skin against every bit of my vulva and inner labia as I gyrated against him.

I continued the body slide down his legs and turned around.  Putting my face to his ass again I joked about how his ass smelled like pussy and oh my gosh tasted like it too!  Again I slid up his back pressing my boobs into him until my pussy was lined up with his ass and I ground my clit into his tail bone.  I was kissing and nibbling all around his upper back, shoulders, neck and ears.  His excitement was building as he started moving around beneath me and grinding his ass up into me.

I slid back down him and told him to get on his knees.  Taking his cock in one hand and his balls in the other I licked his ass up and down the crack letting saliva drip down covering his balls and then his cock.  As they became more and more slick I continued to massage him using broader strokes.  I alternated my motions on his cock, pulling it with it pointing toward his chest and then stretching it back as far as it would go against his ass so I could suck on it from behind.  Several times I moved my mouth from place to place – cock, balls, ass, cock, balls, ass – until he told me he was going to cum and I made sure to keep my fist pumping his cock rhythmically while I pressed my face into his ass.  The feeling of gush after gush of hot cum on my palm and running down my wrist as his pelvis jerked and spasmed against my face was extremely satisfying.

Need Pointers On Incorporating Things Like This Into Your Own Bedroom?

Make sure to sign up for the complimentary class

7 Simple Steps To Raising Your Libido
And Increasing Your Stamina

Click Here to find out all about it!

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Three

Sex Coach - Anal MassageDuring couples sex coaching I often teach specific techniques.  One of the most popular is sensual massage and anal massage in particular.  I’m happy to explain the mechanics and set it up so that the couple has the tools they need to practice at home on their own.

Other things I teach in person:
~Fellatio – improve technique and overcome using teeth
~Penis Massage – taking hand jobs to a new level
~Anal Sex – making it feel good for her

Couples Sex Coaching Session

I demonstrate how to slowly approach the anus, massaging first the place where the legs meet the groin, the sits bones and the entire crack.  Soft long strokes one after the other relax and arouse him.  Shorter deeper strokes massaging all the muscles in the crack relax and arouse him even further.  He is going with the flow of arousal and enjoyment, opening his legs further and tilting his pelvis higher.  Applying lubrication directly to the anus I massage his outer sphincter in every direction, gently stretching and relaxing it.  I get even more lube and without penetrating I press inward against his anus with the flat of my thumb.  He asks his wife to come and massage his balls.  She stands across from me with her hand on his scrotum and he reaches back and holds her other hand with his.  Their love and connection is beautiful and I’m loving being a part of it.

Sex Coach Las Vegas - Anal StimulationHe’s ready for penetration and I point my thumb tip in ready to slide it into his anus.  I instruct him to take a deep breath and on his exhale I slide my thumb into him.  I stay there and just hold him, feeling the arousal running through him.  When a person is this aroused stopping and holding can be very pleasurable for them as their muscles flex and relax themselves creating their own internal massage.  Then I gently pressed in every direction.  Envisioning a clock with the tail bone being 12 and the prostate being 6 I stop at each number of the “clock” checking in with him asking how it feels.  He said good a few times and I asked him to rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being not painful – that there might be discomfort but not pain and if there was any pain we needed to stop and address it immediately – and 5 being total bliss.  I continued around the “clock” and when I was twisting my wrist completely I gently pulled out my thumb and inserted my index finger.

I explained in between stops that this was extremely therapeutic – I was massaging all the pelvic floor muscles from the inside.  The arousal helps to facilitate a better pelvic floor massage because the pressure is pleasurable instead of painful.  At the prostate I touched each side and did a few different types of strokes all the time communicating with him about how each felt.   I also slid my finger in and out of his anus and asked if he liked that sensation (he didn’t).  Then I asked if he felt complete and since he did I ended that part of the treatment with gentle holding while his wife held his scrotum.

Other Resources

Want to learn more about erotic massage? Visit one of the following sites for detailed instructional videos.

http://NikkisLessons.com

http://EroticMassage.com


												

Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Two

couple holding hands - couples sex coachingI offer lots of options during individual and couples sex coaching sessions.  One option is nudity – either partial or full.  I will follow my clients comfort levels regarding this – but I may push a little too if it will help to move the session along.

I feel that being naked takes away many barriers and almost instantly releases shame around our bodies in general and our genitals in particular.  Nudity also usually generates arousal and with arousal we can work even deeper with your sex and sexuality interests.

Although her practice is very different than mine, Sarah White explains beautifully about how being naked can be extremely therapeutic.  Click here to visit her site and read all about her method of Naked Therapy.

Couples Sex Coaching Session

Their comfort level is full nudity.  I set up the massage table and give him instructions to undress and lay face-down while I use the restroom and wash my hands.  I come out nude and begin the massage while she sits on the bed.

As I massage him the three of us discuss our sexuality.  I ask questions about their successes and challenges and share my own.  By having such an intimate atmosphere they are able to open up quickly and we are able to discuss things on a very deep level almost immediately.

When I get to the buttocks area I demonstrate and explain slow, loving touch that will be easy for her to give and very sensual and pleasurable for him to receive.  Sometimes it’s better to go slower and softer.  The genital and anal area sometimes benefit from simply being held while aroused without any movement.

He likes anal stimulation but she doesn’t love to give it – she will do it sometimes as a treat.  Many couples find themselves in this situation  – one partner enjoys something more (much more) than the other.  There are usually reasons for the dislike of any activity and usually they can be managed if not overcome altogether.  For this couple to have more anal play for him I suggest they incorporate gloves in the bedroom.  Using gloves will increase her confidence that she will not inadvertently hurt him and it will reduce her concerns about messiness.  They could take it a step further by having him give himself an enema before their play.