Our Journey Into Polyamory
My husband and I began living a polyamorous lifestyle in spring of 2013.
We are consensually non-monogamous. We both date casually as well as carrying on serious romantic commitments with others.
We agree to always let each other know where we are and to make sure our daughter is taken care of as a team. We also agree to use condoms for vaginal and anal penetration unless otherwise agreed upon.
From Monogamy to Polyamory
Things weren’t always this way.
We married in 2004 and set about fitting into our roles of husband and wife. This included monogamy.
The journey from there to here has been full of struggles and surprises.
I know my experience can shed some light on your path. Not to help you avoid the growing pains, but to support you in moving through them and alchemizing them into success.
I’ve also shared more about how social conditioning shaped my beliefs about monogamy and non-monogamy.
Understanding Different Relationship Identities
In life we experience many continuums, in numbers, health, and economics, to name a few.
Sexuality and gender identity also operate on a continuum.
For example, people can identify anywhere from 100% homosexual to 100% heterosexual, from 100% cisgender to 100% transgender, and from 100% monogamous to 100% open/polyamorous.
Where people land on the spectrum as individuals is not always a fixed point. For some people, this point of identification may be more fluid than for others.
It is all well and good to know about the different ways a person can identify intellectually.
But when you or someone you know are working through the process of self-identification practically, it can be very challenging. This can affect them and all those around them.
Love, tolerance, acceptance, and approval are values that are the most useful in these situations.
Also very important are good communication, honesty, and healthy boundaries.
The Challenges of Self-Identification
I have found there are 2 times the process of identification is the most painful.
One is when you are going through and figuring things out for yourself. Your experience isn’t lining up with what you want or expect it to be.
The other is when someone you are in a relationship with changes how they identify. Their new location on the continuum is incompatible with the current configuration of your relationship.
Both are heart wrenching in different ways, but some of the same solutions will work for both problems.
In the upcoming blogs, I will share about my personal journey, what I learned, and how you can apply it in your own life.