Coming Out As Polyamorous

infinity heartMy husband and I began living a polyamorous lifestyle in spring of 2013. We are consensually non-monogamous. We both date casually as well as carrying on serious romantic commitments with others. We agree to always let each other know where we are, to make sure our daughter is taken care of as a team, and to use condoms of vaginal and anal penetration unless otherwise agreed upon.

Things weren’t always this way. We married in 2004 and set about fitting into our roles of husband and wife. This included monogamy. The journey from there to here has been full of struggles and surprises and I know my experience can shed some light on your path – not to help you avoid the growing pains but to support you in moving through them and alchemizing them into success.

In life we experience many continuums – in numbers, health, and economics to name a few. Sexuality and gender identity also operate on a continuum. For example, people can identify anywhere from 100% homosexual to 100% heterosexual, from 100% cisgender to 100% transgender, and from 100% monogamous to 100% open/polyamorous. Where people land on the spectrum as individuals is not always a fixed point and for some people this point of identification may be more fluid than for others.

It is all well and good to know about the different ways a person can identify intellectually but when you or someone you know are working through the process of self-identification practically it can be very challenging for them and all those around them. Love, tolerance, acceptance and approval are values that are the most useful in these situations. Also very important are good communication, honesty and healthy boundaries.

I have found there are 2 times the process of identification is the most painful. One is when you are going through and figuring things out for yourself and your experience isn’t lining up with what you want or expect it to be. The other is when someone you are in a relationship with changes how they identify and their new location on the continuum in incompatible in the current configuration of your relationship.

Both are heart wrenching in different ways but some of the same solutions will work for both problems. In the upcoming blogs I will share about my personal journey, what I learned and how you can apply it in your own life.

My Climax

May is masturbation monthI started masturbating very young, realizing that it felt good to put pressure and friction “down there”. There was a time when I started to notice climax. And then I started experimenting with penetration.

As I became sexually active I continued to masturbate.  I only noticed climax during masturbation.  I never used anything battery operated (vibrators felt tickly or painful). The only porn I used was the promo magazines for the “dancers to you” that are free here in Vegas.

In my early 20’s I began to use erotica.  I began to feel when I had a climax during partner sex.

In my late 20’s I began to use porn online.  With a small child and a new business achieving climax as fast as possible was the goal.

As a sex educator I began to experiment with different vibrating devices – rabbits, bullets, Hitachis. I don’t generally use them but I did experiment with them. I also learned all I could about pleasure and arousal and climax and what it means to be in an orgasmic state.

The older I’ve gotten the more pleasure I’ve been able to experience and the longer it has taken me to have a clitoral climax.

This last time takes the cake though. Almost 2 weeks. To have a climax.

I’m truly re-evaluating my relationship with climax right now. It seems that as I’ve become more and more mindful of what makes my body feel good the more pleasure I experience. I have been in an orgasmic state time and time again during these last 2 weeks – either by masturbation, orgasmic meditation, or partner sex – but feeling good and orgasmic did not include climax.

Even though I’m practicing mindful masturbation and focusing on sensation only I did try using erotica and porn a couple of times because I truly desired a release (old habits are hard to break) but even those did not push me over the edge.

What does this mean? I feel like now that my pussy is awake she cannot go back to sleep. She is enjoying all the attention and pleasure. Maybe it’s just now that I’ve been able to truly approach sex and pleasure without a goal or agenda.

Whatever it is, I’m grateful for all I know, for all the pleasure I’ve experienced and for the big climax I had last night.

To find out about waking your genitals up and experiencing more pleasure check out my 30 day Pleasure eCourse – on sale for May because it’s National Masturbation Month! 

Life, Sex, Business And Orgasmic Meditation

Woooh!  What a year! I can’t believe how much time has passed since my lost blog post.  I’ve taken time to focus on other things and now I’m better than ever!  I did not stop working with people around sex and sexuality.  In fact, I held more classes and worked with more clients than ever before.

-Also-

Sex Coach Nikki Onetaste Certified Coach and Advance Orgasmic Meditation TrainerI got certified as an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Orgasmic Life Coach.

Yeah.  It’s kind of a big deal.  I traveled from Las Vegas to New York once a month for 10 months to immerse myself into the content of Orgasmic Meditation.  I experienced things that have left me sensitive in ways I never knew possible.

Now that has ended and I have taken some recovery time to figure out the direction I am going.  And I get to share about it with you here.

In gratitude.

Moms And Masturbation

Yes, hate to break it to you, but we moms do masturbate. While we might hate to think about our own mothers masturbating studies have found that pregnant women masturbate more and women in general tend to masturbate more as they get older.

I’m a mom. I’m grateful for mindful masturbation and wish I had known about it at a younger age. Sometimes I still use it as a stress reliever, a sleep inducer, and a pleasurable distraction from my responsibilities. To be able to steal that time away for myself is a treat and something I’m not always willing to give myself.

Things that stop moms like me from masturbating are lack of time, lack of privacy, guilt for not sharing my sex, and sheer exhaustion. I’m lucky to have made a life that incorporates my sex and sexuality and I think that gives me more opportunities and motivation to experience pleasure both alone and with partners. Before my life became what it is I rarely masturbated. Women can forget how good the pleasure feels. This is also a contributing factor of many women becoming asexual.

Do a favor for the hot mom in your life and see if there’s a way you can give her some quality alone time focused on self pleasure. If this mom happens to be your partner believe me – you won’t regret it. Masturbation can re-awaken desire in women and help them to share their sex with you. Approach it with an attitude of wanting them to experience the most pleasure possible even if that means it has to be without you. By being supportive in this way you will reap the rewards that come from being an understanding and supportive partner. Rewards that might even include a little mutual pleasure:)

Practice

practicePractice
prac•tice noun
1. habitual or customary performance; operation
2. habit; custom
3. repeated performance or systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring skill or proficiency
4. condition arrived at by experience or exercise
5. the action or process of performing or doing something
6. the exercise or pursuit of a profession or occupation, especially law or medicine
7. the business of a professional person

This is the word on my mind this morning as I think about what I am inspired to share with you today. I want to practice coaching. I went to an immersion weekend where I learned a lot about coaching and I’m aching to practice what I’ve learned. It’s the same ache that inspires me to learn more and more about sex and pleasure. It’s the ache – the desire – that motivates me to reach out and be as effective and productive as I can be.

I began the adventure of entrepreneurship 10 years ago. I began my sexual adventures 6 years ago. 4 years ago I fused the two as I experienced two things:

1. I needed a business based on my true passion
2. People are in a lot of pain around sex and sexuality and could use some help

Working with a mentor was key for my growth. Having someone to put their full exquisite attention on me and my life who had “been there and done that” is invaluable. This is what I’ve wanted to do for others – to be able to go deeper and have a stronger connection so they can manifest their desires.

desireNow I’m in a program that is teaching me some amazing coaching techniques. But like a dream, as time moves me further away from my class some of the things I learned are wafting and evaporating away. I feel a sense of urgency to practice what I learned ASAP.

Do you have an ache – a desire – that needs some exquisite nourishing attention? Do you need someone to put their finger on the just the right spot, to hold you or stimulate you according to the direction you are moving in?

I am at your service.

red line

Sex Coach NikkiHere’s my offer:

20 minute telephone sessions for $47 –
• limit 2 sessions per person
• can be used together or separately
• valid for one year
• includes a recording of the call

btn_buynowCC_LG

 

:::

20 minute video chat session for $57 –
• limit 2 sessions per person
• can be used together or separately
• valid for one year
• includes a recording of the chat

btn_buynowCC_LG

My Masturbation Awareness

As a kid I began my masturbation as I explored my vagina in the privacy of my own room.  I experienced more and more pleasure and I first identified my orgasm at around 10 or 11 years old.  After making out with a boy who penetrated me with his finger I started experimenting with internal stimulation.  That was where my masturbation practice stayed until my mid twenties.  I experimented with vibrators and found them to be too intense and more of a distraction than helpful.  I also started exploring anal stimulation during my solo sessions once a partner tried anal sex with me during partner sex.

I almost always masturbated during partner sex – I found out through masturbation that it was only through direct clitoral stimulation that I was able to reach orgasm (or so I thought).   I would masturbate if I was tired and wanted to fall asleep quickly.  I would masturbate if I was horny.  When I began my journey as a sex educator I started to masturbate for new reasons – to know myself more deeply, to learn new things sexually and to meditate.

The masturbation meditation that I have practiced has provided some amazing insights both for myself and for those I have worked with.  Through direct hands on practice we can intimately learn our own anatomy of pleasure and how to have a deeper and more expanded experience of that pleasure.  We can work through issues we have with ourselves around sex, love, intimacy and image as lightning speed.  We reach a new level of self knowledge that allows us to communicate much more effectively with our lovers.

By having masturbation meditation as a practice I was able to learn how to improve my sex muscles.  This allowed my orgasms to become stronger.  With continued practice I was able to identify more subtle peaks, climaxes and orgasms in my body and enjoy a broader spectrum of pleasure.  I also learned how to ejaculate.

Meditation had never been a strong point in my life.  I had desire for it but it wasn’t until I joined a class that had daily masturbation meditation as part of the curriculum that I was able to have the consistency I craved.  Doing it with the teachers leading and the other students sharing experiences gave me the structure and the payoff that I needed to stick with it.  Some of them went on to keep it as a daily practice after the course. 0 I did it daily for the course which was 2 months long and after that sporadically.

That 2 month experience changed my sex for the better.  I found not only through direct personal experience but also through the experiences of my classmates that deep and profound progress could be made in the areas of overcoming sexual dysfunction, increasing sexual pleasure, smoothing emotions and opening the spirit.  That is why I have made it one of the bedrocks of my sex education programs.  The power of sexual healing in real and we all hold it in our own hands.

As Masturbation Awareness Month approaches I will be sharing more about how you can get these same benefits in your life.

Click Here to find out about the upcoming 30 Day Self Pleasure Program

 

 

 

Improve Your Sex Life part 1

Give Your Sex Life A Fresh Start

sex pen n paper improve your sex lifeThe first step to improve your sex life is to acknowledge what has already happened.  This is the hard work that many of us try to avoid.

Taking stock of the current state of affairs and the past can be very helpful.  It can also be harmful.

Try the following two exercises:(tip: read all the suggestions first before starting)

  1. Get into your body.  Breath deeply and notice how you feel in the moment.
  2. With a pen and paper make a list of all the things that aren’t the way you want them to be in your sex life.  Acknowledge them.  Contrast brings clarity but only if you see it.
  3. Notice your physical sensations.  Notice when things feel bad in your body.  Avoid being too hard on yourself and dwelling in the negative.
  4. Be as objective as possible.  You are noticing and acknowledging, not judging.
  5. Release the negative feelings you have tied to these things.  The best way to do this is to take personal responsibility for your experience.  That gives you the power to change your future experiences.  If someone else seems to be to blame take a deep breath and look at how you might have put yourself in the position to be hurt.

Once you have completed the above exercise pause, breath, and move on to the next exercise.

It’s time to look at the positives.

  1. Make sure you’re in your body.
  2. Again with the pen and paper – write down all the things that are good/positive/going the way you want.
  3. Make this list as long as your first list and then add 5 more things.

This exercise will help you to develop an attitude of gratitude and will help you to operate on a higher vibration making it easier to attract and manifest those things that bring you pleasure.

Find someone to share these lists with.  If you can’t find someone you are welcome to send them to me.  Why?  Because being witnessed is the best way to release shame.  Chances are you have some shame around the things that didn’t go well.  By sharing them and putting the light of day on them their power diminishes.  You may also get great feedback that can aid in acknowledging and releasing the negativity!

A Fresh Start For Your Sex Life In 3 Steps

Fresh start in your sex lifeIt’s December and I love it when a new month starts!

I know we can start fresh anytime – and, for some reason turning to a new calendar month helps a little more. It’s like I mentally and emotionally loosen my energetic grip a bit.

Why would you want to start fresh?

Whether what’s happened before was good or was bad (in my judgement) it can take the power out of our present if we don’t release it.  If it was bad we can be dragged down by the negativity.  If it was good we could rest on our laurels and be under motivated in the present.  My November was mostly great personally and professionally and while that is exciting I also had a few things happen that I didn’t love.

By letting go of all that has happened previously and starting new I can open myself up to not only living in the present but also feeling my desire, benefiting from the energy of that desire, feeling the strength of my sex drive and libido, and make sure I’m on track with my sexual health and sexual progress.

There’s a saying

“If you live with one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow you’re pissing all over today”.

Is starting fresh a challenge?

If you are struggling with making a fresh start I have a few suggestions that might help the process.

  1. Acknowledge what has already happened.
  2. Find a way to release it.
  3. Fantasize and visualize how you want things to be.

I’ll be sharing more about each of these steps in the coming week so make sure to sign up for my newsletter by claiming your free vulva stimulation guide on the right=====>

Oral And Anal Fun Part 3

Be courageous and have fun while leaning into the sensations of desire and arousal.

He had again come to the edge of climax.  Turning over to lay on his back he had his cock right in front of me.  I slowly slid my finger into his anus as I sunk my mouth down onto his dick.  Once my finger was deep inside his ass I massaged his prostate.  He gripped the base of his cock and slowly massaged up and down teasing me with the head, popping it in and out of my mouth.  With his other hand he took a fistful of hair and held my head steady.  He asked if he could cum in my face .  I nodded my head yes and moaned with excitement opening my mouth as wide as it would go and sticking my tongue all the way out.  I wanted to feel his hot cum on my tongue.  Shortly he started cumming.  I felt it on my finger first as his prostate got firm and his anus began to contract.  And then the cum started gushing out of his dick hitting my mouth, cheeks and chin.  I just kept licking and licking as he held my head still.

face down female masturbationI was in total lust!  All I could think about was how aroused I was and how good his orgasm felt.  I reached down to play with my pussy.  He said now it was my turn.  I removed my corset and asked if he would play with my asshole.  I got him a glove and some lube.  I asked how he would like me – would he prefer to see titties or booty?  He chose booty so I got on the be on my knees and bent over with my ass in the air.

I reached down and played with my clit as he gently penetrated my asshole using more and more lube until he was smoothly finger fucking my asshole.  The more aroused I became the wider I spread my knees opening myself up to him more and more.  I had him turn his hand palm down and apply more pressure with his fingers inside me so my pussy was getting internal stimulation too.  It wasn’t long after that when I started cumming on his finger in my asshole, my whole body shaking and my pussy spasming against my hand!

So good!