How your beliefs can hurt you during anal sex with Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?

I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.

This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.

We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.

Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.

One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.

One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.

The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.

You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.

These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.

Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!

But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.

Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.

In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!

It was mental about his beliefs!

What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.

One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.

Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.

One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.

This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”

When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).

If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.

I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.

As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.

I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.

When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex? With Anal Sex Coach Nikki

Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex?

Hi I’m Sex Coach Nikki and I have been doing sensual and erotic massage for nine years. I can tell you that tight pelvic floor muscles are the number one cause of pain during any kind of anal sex or stimulation.

One way to test your anal and pelvic floor muscles

Sit down on something firm and see if you can squeeze your anus. Squeeze your anal sphincter muscles and see if you can feel your butt moving and does it hurt? Does it feel uncomfortable? Then the next thing to do is push from the inside out and push down toward the surface you’re sitting on and you should feel movement. If you do not feel movement then that means that your muscles are kind of locked. It means your tight ass (laughing).

It’s easy to fix this. You just need to do some self massage or go see a masseuse. Not a regular massage therapistclock face for anal sex pleasure mapping sex coach nikki – they cannot work in this area it is not legal but there are some physical therapists who will work in the anal area. Definitely do what’s right for you as far as what feels good for you.

A better way to test your anal muscles and self massage techniques

Go in the shower with nice warm water and lather up your hands and then (usually using the hand you wipe with because that’s how your back bends easiest. If you’re right-handed use your right hand) start massaging in your anal area.

You’re going to massage your undercarriage and feel for the muscles up and down your butt crack, around your anus and then also all the way around the sphincters. Notice how tight or relaxed they can are.

Imagine the face of a clock on your anus with 12 o’clock being straight towards the tailbone.  Using your fingertip put some pressure against your butthole at each spot on the clock.  Stay at each spot for one breath and make mental note how the muscle feels.

Once you go around the outside, penetrate with your fingertip as far as is comfortable.  Push with firm pressure at each spot on “the clock” pausing for a breath and again noting how the muscle feels.

This is going to be a really great self massage to start relaxing your anal muscles and it’s something you can easily do every day in the shower.

As you get more accustomed to this massage you’ll gain control over your anal muscles and you’ll start learning how to relax them.

You’ll be able to penetrate more deeply eventually penetrating up to your first and then your second knuckle. At each depth you do the same thing – pause for a breath and massage all the points on the clock.

Having a hard time reaching your anus?

Your ability to do this in the shower depends also on how flexible you are. I’m a little bit of a thicker girl so I can’t reach a whole lot standing up. If that’s how you are then you want to move on to the bed to lay down and twist. Make sure to incorporate a lot of lube. In the shower you’re using the soap and that lubricates the area for you but when you’re on your bed you want to use lube.

As long as you’re not about to have sex with a condom you can use almost anything for lube. You can go in the kitchen and get some olive oil or coconut oil. Any kind of oil is fine as long as you’re not about to use a condom.

I hope I gave you some good ideas on getting your muscles relaxed in your anal area and that is probably going to help you have a lot more pleasure during anal sex!

Want to go deeper learning about anal sex?

Sign up for my free email series at https://www.mcssl.com/WebForms/WebForm.aspx?wid=6d040196-f195-42b7-9e30-bdc261e8aff9

How To Give Yourself A Deeper/Higher Enema With Sex Coach Nikki

Following is a transcript of the video:

Have you ever wondered about how to do a really deep clean inside for anal play? Well, in this video I am going to talk about one way to do a deeper Enema or a higher Enema. I am sex coach Nikki and we are here in the bathroom and I’m going to show you one way, I know there is probably other ways and this is the thing, there is a lot of controversy around high Enemas, whether they are really necessary, whether they are good for you or bad for you and what I have to say is that I like to do it when I’m going to be with one of my partners because they are very specific. They have a very sensitive nose, they don’t want any waste or mess because it totally turns them off and puts them out of the mood.

So, I have to do more than the basic little fleet Enema, I have to do the entire – anything that can be coming out in the next few couple of hours basically cleaning up higher in to my gut. So, this is how I figured out how to do it, I’m sure other people have other ways maybe even better ways. But basically what I do is – we have this, the shower head so, you know, if you have this type of shower at home it’s worthy investment if you’re doing for this purpose. And you unscrew this part, okay I’m trying to be down in here, and then there is a little washer, so you want to be careful not to lose the washer which is right there, okay. So, then the first part is you are going to make sure that the water is lukewarm so you don’t wanted to be cold because you don’t want your muscles to have contractions and seize up. But you don’t want to get too hot because you can burn easily you are dealing with very sensitive tissue.

And you put the pressure on to just a steady pressure not a hard pressure and you can put it up to your anus and you can kind of control the flow even with your anus. So, you don’t want to put too hard but also hard enough to go in and then once you are full to the point where you feel like you need to evacuate then you can evacuate. Now, this can be done in couple of ways, personally I prefer to get out and use a toilet because I – that’s my preference but I know other people who don’t care and they will just go straight in the tub and wash it down the drain. It won’t hurt the plumbing as long as the opening can handle, you know, some volume. And you just keep doing that until what comes out is clear.

So, what happens is it pass the anus is the rectum. So, the rectum is what holds the fecal matter right before it comes out of the anus. Then there is another – there is a twist in your, like right in here there is a twist, well if you can see that and it goes to the left and there is a – that’s where fecal matter get stored in your large intestine. So, your large intestine go starts here, goes to the left, goes around up and across and down, okay so that’s all large intestine right there.

So, as you are playing – when you do the fleet Enema like I said in my other video you put it in and let it out like maybe three times or so. Once that’s clear that’s good to go. But if you’re doing extended play or you have a sensitive partner like I do then you will need to put more water so that whatever is like in this area here, the large intestine can also be stimulated to come down and be passed out and cleansed out. So, once that starts coming out clear then I do a couple of things first of all and wait because of course water when it’s up here might take time to work its way backed down and also I play with myself. So, this is also a very pleasurable process if you like anal stimulation and I play with myself and I make sure like there is nothing that’s going to be wanting to come out once it gets like I start moving my body and enjoying that. So, I’ll be videotaping that also for my Nikki’s Lessons website but I’ll just be putting on, you know, the PG stuff here on YouTube.

Alright, yeah that’s it and then once you are thinking you are done you want to check with a toy and play with it and see and if you feel like you’re having problems another thing to do is once you, one of the times when you’re full of water is to squat down when you bear down. And that can press even more out and then another thing that I found helpful is actually soaping up my finger and putting my finger inside and cleaning it up inside in the pelvic floor with my finger and I can actually feel the muscles working and I can see like, like some backed up water that gets like toward the tailbone side will come out when I do that.

So, I know what kind of goes [Soundbite of laughing] – so it’s only preparation for an intense amazing anal sex. So, if I think of anything else that I could share here in YouTube than I will definitely continue this video, otherwise make it a sexy day.

August is Anal Sex Month With Sex Coach Nikki!

It’s Anal August once again and I have some fun stuff to share.

Online

I have an excellent full color pdf on the Art of Anal Pleasure that you can sign up for at right here ===>

You will also get a series of emails directly to your inbox with tips about anal pleasure.  Please email me any questions you have so I can include that answer in my email tips.

At NikkisLessons.com I’ll be working on updating the Anal section – making it easier to use and adding new content.  Please let me know if you are in Las Vegas and would like to volunteer to be in a video.  Ideally I’d like to show more work with couples and also more diversity in my videos.

peach emojiLive In Las Vegas

Learn To Give A Safe And Sensual Erotic Massage at The Art Of Anal Pleasure Interactive Demo & Lecture

Friday, August 19, 2016

to

Will be held at a Private Residence Near South Eastern and the 215, Las Vegas, NV

Address will be emailed upon registration on https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learn-to-give-a-safe-and-sensual-erotic-massage-at-the-art-of-anal-pleasure-interactive-demo-lecture-tickets-26980842426

If you are always looking for ways to be a better lover then this class is for you.  Sex Coach Nikki will be teaching an interactive class as well as performing a complete live demonstration.  This will be followed by optional guided practice.

Click here to register.

The number one concern for most people interested in anal pleasure is how to keep it healthy and safe.  Included with this class is a series of emails and videos where I will teach you step by step how to keep things clean, and how to prepare for giving or receiving anal stimulation.  I will also be available to talk about any questions or concerns that come up.

Anal pleasure done right is definitely an art.  I look forward to performing for you and teaching you the beauty that is possible.

Have questions answered regarding:
•How to locate the prostate
•How to massage the anal sphincters for relaxation and pleasure
•How to use a strap on
•How to make sure to keep everything healthy and safe
•Much, much more…

You will leave knowing

•how to talk about anal stimulation with your partner
•how to stay healthy and safe
•how to create a safe space for any emotions that come up to be expressed
•how to deeply relax the body so it can open up and receive
•the anatomy of the anal area
•effective communication strategies for intimacy
•specific ways to tease and please the anus in particular and the entire human body in general

Schedule:

7:00 – Doors open
7:15 – Class begins. Doors are locked. No late arrivals allowed.
8:30 – Break
8:45 – Optional Guided Practice Begins
9:45 – Close Class

A note about the optional guided practice – I am implementing a policy that a telephone conversation is to be had if at all possible with every class attendee to discuss the upcoming class so I can tailor the experience to the people who will be present.  If I cannot speak with you in advance I will not be able to include you in the guided practice portion of the event.

Some things to know:

•The practice session will be clothing optional.
•This is not an orgy or party atmosphere.
•This is a safe space that will allow participants to become completely aware of their body and their erotic energy.
•You must participate in the practice to stay in the room.

—Included in your registration for this class is the Group Sex Class And Optional Play Time that directly follows.  Click here to see more.

Early Bird Registration Until 8/16/2016

$20 for singles
$30 for couples and poly pods

Regular Price

$35 for singles
$45 for couples and poly pods

This will be an alcohol free event.

No money will be accepted at the door.  Click here to register.

Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

For questions feel free to contact Nikki at 702.674.6606

Anal, Bali, Masturbation | Checking in

Anal Update

The “Art Of Anal Pleasure” class was AMAZING.  We had a full house and 2 amazing demonstration models.  One was a gentleman who was a very experienced anal player who got to have his limits stretched by having an audience view his play.  The second was a beautiful mature woman who on the outside seemed so sweet and innocent but once she got naked and I had my strap-on in place she was voracious!  I was able to demonstrate all the anal positions I know with her.  Everyone learned something new and a good time was had by all.  I look forward to Anal August:)

Bali Trip

sex coach nikki gets a happy ending massage in Bali

All male therapists at this spa:)

I went to Bali for the end of April to attend a women’s retreat.  It was transformational.  Without the hustle and bustle of everyday life I was able to feel into some deep desires.  Several came up.  Here are some:

  • to work with more people as a sex coach over the phone and over skype
  • to work with more women in a healing capacity – helping with painful sex and numbness
  • to partner up with other professionals so I can have company when I’m working
  • to have more fun in my business

I’m so happy to be back home.  I love love love so many things here in Vegas – my family, my business…  I definitely missed it all.

Did you know that there are not any sex toy stores in Bali, Indonesia?  I did not until I was looking for one.  I was going to indulge in buying a new sex toy – part of the the point of the retreat was self care so I wanted to make sure to take care of myself sexually as well – and no one could help me.  I finally found out that it wasn’t legal in Bally.

So when we had a free day I sought out a happy ending massage:)  Actually, I’d already gotten a few massages (they are only $15 an hour there) but none of the girls would go there with me.  I was finally able to get some relief when I went to an all male therapist place.  I had this 25 year old island boy and he was very good at taking direction:)  I felt MUCH better after that.

Happy Masturbation Month!!!

sex coach Nikki, masturbation month, masturbation coachYup, May is masturbation month.  It’s something I love personally and professionally.  Professionally it’s one of the most important tools I use in my sex coaching.  There are many things you can incorporate into masturbation that will have a therapeutic benefit to either overcome sexual dysfunction or expand a person’s experience of pleasure.  I’m truly enjoying the work I do with people that includes masturbation coaching.  It creates a deep connection very quickly and that helps us move through issues powerfully and completely.

I put up a couple if informational videos on my youtube channel for masturbation month.  What do you think?  Click here to visit my channel

How are you?  How may I be of service to you this summer?

Please take a moment to drop a note with an update about you and yours.  Ask me any questions you might have.  Let me know if something I’ve shared has helped you out.

Anal Massage Lesson For Young Couple

Sometimes you have to try something totally different.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 2

anal massage sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergThen I asked them if they had ever considered anal sex.  They said no but they were open to it.  I had her flip over to her stomach and began massaging her glutes and sit bones.  I explained to him all that I was doing.  Using lots of lube I began to massage the crack of her ass.  Very slowly.  I told her before every change in stimulation I made.  I went from that to direct pressure onto her anus.  Using my 3 fingers together I placed them broadly against her anus and pressed into her body slowly increasing the pressure until it was firm checking with her all the time to make sure it was feeling good.  She enjoyed all the external stimulation.  I moved on – slowly – using one fingertip to massage her external sphincter.  Just dipping the tip of my finger into her anus I gently applied pressure – up, to the right, down, and to the left – checking at each point to see if she felt pain and also explaining to her boyfriend what I was doing.

Since everything was feeling good I sunk my finger in a bit deeper so I was penetrating her inner sphincter.  I repeated the pressure in the four different directions.  At this point she wasn’t feeling pleasure just pressure.  I explained that that was fine and that she would take some time to become used to this type of stimulation and to allow it to become erotic.

I slowly began sliding my finger in and out of her anus.  I just kept my finger straight and didn’t apply any pressure in any direction.  She was able to take my entire finger into her anus without discomfort of any kind.  I told them that they would most likely be having anal sex before they had vaginal sex since she wasn’t feeling pain in this area.  I gently bent my finger aiming my finger tip toward her pubic bone.  For the first time she felt the pleasure of pressure against her g-spot.  At the same time she felt like she may have to have a bowel movement.  I reassured her that there was no fecal matter in her rectum and it was just habit that when she felt pressure in this area it meant she had to go to the bathroom and that with practice that physical signal would change.

Her boyfriend wanted to try so I moved and he sat where I had been between her knees.  I coached him to go slower and slower.  He did and was so pleased when he was able to penetrate his girlfriend without bringing her pain.  He began sliding his finger in and out of her anus.  As he got more excited he began to speed up and she asked him to stop.  He did and I explained that the tissue is very sensitive and this is a new type of stimulation.  Over time he would be able to “finger fuck” her and even add a second finger.  I told him that the sign that she would be ready for anal sex is when he is able to smoothly slide tow fingers in and out of her anus without causing discomfort.

We mutually decided she felt done and it was his turn to work with me.

Oral And Anal Fun Part 3

Be courageous and have fun while leaning into the sensations of desire and arousal.

He had again come to the edge of climax.  Turning over to lay on his back he had his cock right in front of me.  I slowly slid my finger into his anus as I sunk my mouth down onto his dick.  Once my finger was deep inside his ass I massaged his prostate.  He gripped the base of his cock and slowly massaged up and down teasing me with the head, popping it in and out of my mouth.  With his other hand he took a fistful of hair and held my head steady.  He asked if he could cum in my face .  I nodded my head yes and moaned with excitement opening my mouth as wide as it would go and sticking my tongue all the way out.  I wanted to feel his hot cum on my tongue.  Shortly he started cumming.  I felt it on my finger first as his prostate got firm and his anus began to contract.  And then the cum started gushing out of his dick hitting my mouth, cheeks and chin.  I just kept licking and licking as he held my head still.

face down female masturbationI was in total lust!  All I could think about was how aroused I was and how good his orgasm felt.  I reached down to play with my pussy.  He said now it was my turn.  I removed my corset and asked if he would play with my asshole.  I got him a glove and some lube.  I asked how he would like me – would he prefer to see titties or booty?  He chose booty so I got on the be on my knees and bent over with my ass in the air.

I reached down and played with my clit as he gently penetrated my asshole using more and more lube until he was smoothly finger fucking my asshole.  The more aroused I became the wider I spread my knees opening myself up to him more and more.  I had him turn his hand palm down and apply more pressure with his fingers inside me so my pussy was getting internal stimulation too.  It wasn’t long after that when I started cumming on his finger in my asshole, my whole body shaking and my pussy spasming against my hand!

So good!

Oral And Anal Fun Part 2

Slow down and notice every detail of your intimate time together.  Do things like using unusual positions and lingerie will help bring your attention to the details and get the most arousal possible.

black corsetOnce I caught my breath and came back into myself I asked if he’d like to see my lingerie.  Keeping my high heels on I turned my back to him and slowly pulled my dress up exposing my thigh high nylons, black lacy panties and black corset.  He embraced me from behind and pressed his hard dick against me.  With one arm around my waist and the other hand on my throat he turned and pulled my head gently back to kiss him long and deep.  I told him I was wet and asked if he would like to feel it.  He released his hold on my and I leaned forward over a table as he ran his finger along the edge of my panties against my ass cheek all the way to my pussy.  With one finger he gently grazed my vulva lips.  I was so aroused my wetness was there for him to feel.

Moving his finger up and down my lips he slowly applied more and more pressure and the tip of his finger slipped into my slit.  He found my swollen erect clit right away and began rubbing it, all the while I stayed bent over the table.  Once he pushed his finger inside my vagina I couldn’t hold myself still.  I began fucking back onto his finger.  After a few minutes of this I asked if he would like to move to the bed.

Once on the bed I began to massage his back.  He made it very difficult because he started playing with my pussy!  I massaged his butt and the backs of his thighs drawing my hands nearer and nearer to his asshole.  Then I gently spread his ass cheeks and ran my fingertip all round his anus for a minute before leaning over and using my tongue.  Starting out with light pressure I ran the tip of my tongue all around the rim of his asshole.  Flattening out my tongue I licked big long licks up his ass crack, just over his asshole at first but with each lick I moved down a little more until I was licking from the base of his hard cock up to his tailbone.  In the meantime he had lifted up from his stomach to be on his knees so he could stroke himself as I licked.

Oral And Anal Fun Part 1 Of 3

I’m sharing the following erotic writing to give you some ideas to explore, topics to discuss and possibly new activities to try.

las vegas masseuse bbbjI came into the room.  We started kissing and pressing our bodies together.  I sank to my knees in front of him, opened his pants and pulled down his underwear.  I wrapped my lips around the head of his dick, swirled my tongue first around his foreskin and then gently inside the foreskin around the glans.  He pulled the foreskin back as I began to move my head up and down taking him deeper inside my mouth with every move.  Eventually the head of his cock was hitting the back of my mouth and sometimes moving beyond that into my throat when I was able to make my forehead touch against his belly.  My gag reflex was triggered over and over making my mouth and throat spasm on the head of his dick.  The super slick spit came and all friction disappeared – there was only the sensations of my mouth running up and down his smooth hard shaft.

qrtr body shot 3 cmprssdHe slid his fingers through my hair and with a firm yet gentle grip on two big fistfuls of hair he began to control my head, alternately holding me still while he pumped his dick into my mouth, pulling my face against his body with his cock sunk all the way into my throat, and corkscrewing my head around so his cock would twirl around in my mouth.  As the arousal intensified he got harder and harder.  His breathing was ragged and he moaned his pleasure every few strokes.  Throughout this time I could feel my pussy getting wet and swollen.  As he was about to climax he pulled my mouth away from his cock and held it just out of reach of my mouth, watching as I strained to lick him with my mouth open and my tongue out.

 

Come back in a day or two for the rest of the story…