3 Things To Do When You Have No Time For Sex

Are you stressed out because you or your partner don’t have enough time for true intimacy and connection?  As a sex coach I hear about it all the time from people who attend my classes – their sex is great, when they get to have it.  They make the time to do something special together here and there (like go to my class) but they never make the time to practice what they learned in the class.  I’ve found that time management tools can work just as well for having an abundant sex life as they do for being productive in business.

  1. Cultivate your mindset so you can have more sexy time.

The first thing to change is your mindset.  There is a prayer I often say when I’m trying something new, “Please help me set aside everything I know and everything I think I know so that I may have an open mind for a new experience.”  The more you repeat ‘I don’t have time’ the more you won’t have time.  Let that thought go and think instead ‘how can I find time?’.  Then your brain will go to work finding time do have erotic practices and sex.

  1. Get tools to help you make time for your inner sexy beast.

Next, you need tools.  The thinking that got you into this situation will not get you out of it.  Below is a sign up box to get a chapter of my book for free that has lots of ideas about how to make more time in your life – not only for sex but for your entire quality of life.  Just think – with better time management habits you could become more focused and productive, finally have a way to do things you’ve been putting off, and even be more available for friends and family when they need you.

  1. Be easy on your sexy self.

Making changes is never easy, even when they are good ones.  Know that by reading articles like this and checking new things out means you are on the right path and chances are you are doing more than most.  Keep that momentum going and sign up for the free chapter.  You will get some other tools and goodies as well to guide you on your path of erotic exploration.  If after reading it and using the other tools I send you things are still tough then definitely consider going to couples counseling , a sex therapist or using a sex coach to support you.

     

    How your beliefs can hurt you during anal sex with Anal Sex Coach Nikki

    Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?

    I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.

    This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.

    We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.

    Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.

    One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.

    One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.

    The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.

    You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.

    These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.

    Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!

    But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.

    Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.

    In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!

    It was mental about his beliefs!

    What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.

    One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.

    Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.

    One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.

    This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”

    When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

    Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).

    If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.

    I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.

    As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.

    I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.

    When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.

    Difficult To Maintain An Erection In A Group Sex Situation?

    Guys – Are you having a hard time getting it up or keeping it up in a group sex situation?  If so this is totally normal and something you can work through.

    As a sex coach and swinger I know that for many people the thought or desire to be in a group sex situation can be very erotic.  The challenge is that we usually don’t have many situations like this in our real life so we can be surprised how challenging it is to actually take advantage of these situations when they arise.  I have many people come to my classes extremely excited about the group practice time only to be frustrated because it doesn’t work out they way they thought.

    It is possible to work through this.  Most things we do are habitual and if you have a habit of having sex in one or two ways it may be difficult to enjoy sex in other ways or circumstances.  In order to work through this you need to practice getting to know your body better and following erotic energy more than using a set pattern that you know will work to bring you to climax.  That set pattern will not work under all circumstances whereas following the erotic energy will.

    Because erotic energy is subtle and body based many of us need to practice sensing it in order to have access to it.  This is where I come in as a sex coach.

    • I work with you to become more mindful in your solo sex or partner sex activities.
    • I will witness you in solo or partner sex if that seems to be beneficial to reaching your sexological goals.
    • I’m able to accompany you to swinger clubs to coach you in real time to feel the flow of erotic energy in a group setting.

    To be clear – I do not masturbate or have sex with you.  I do not touch you in any of these circumstances.  I guide you verbally in ways that will help you to key in to the flow of erotic energy.  Through exercises and homework practices I teach you to become more and more sensitive to the subtle sensations that feel so so good.

    Email or text me to set up a time to talk about working with me so you can enjoy group sex situations to their fullest!

    Warmly,
    Nikki
    Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com
    702.674.6606

    P.S.  I work with people from around the world as an online sex coach.  With the telephone and skype there are few limitations.  For people in Las Vegas I’m happy to provide in person sex coaching.  Also a disclaimer – although working with me can be very therapeutic I am not a sex therapist or marriage counselor.  If there are issues beyond my area of expertise I will require that you seek treatment from the appropriate professionals in order to get the most out of our work together.

    August is Anal Sex Month With Sex Coach Nikki!

    It’s Anal August once again and I have some fun stuff to share.

    Online

    I have an excellent full color pdf on the Art of Anal Pleasure that you can sign up for at right here ===>

    You will also get a series of emails directly to your inbox with tips about anal pleasure.  Please email me any questions you have so I can include that answer in my email tips.

    At NikkisLessons.com I’ll be working on updating the Anal section – making it easier to use and adding new content.  Please let me know if you are in Las Vegas and would like to volunteer to be in a video.  Ideally I’d like to show more work with couples and also more diversity in my videos.

    peach emojiLive In Las Vegas

    Learn To Give A Safe And Sensual Erotic Massage at The Art Of Anal Pleasure Interactive Demo & Lecture

    Friday, August 19, 2016

    to

    Will be held at a Private Residence Near South Eastern and the 215, Las Vegas, NV

    Address will be emailed upon registration on https://www.eventbrite.com/e/learn-to-give-a-safe-and-sensual-erotic-massage-at-the-art-of-anal-pleasure-interactive-demo-lecture-tickets-26980842426

    If you are always looking for ways to be a better lover then this class is for you.  Sex Coach Nikki will be teaching an interactive class as well as performing a complete live demonstration.  This will be followed by optional guided practice.

    Click here to register.

    The number one concern for most people interested in anal pleasure is how to keep it healthy and safe.  Included with this class is a series of emails and videos where I will teach you step by step how to keep things clean, and how to prepare for giving or receiving anal stimulation.  I will also be available to talk about any questions or concerns that come up.

    Anal pleasure done right is definitely an art.  I look forward to performing for you and teaching you the beauty that is possible.

    Have questions answered regarding:
    •How to locate the prostate
    •How to massage the anal sphincters for relaxation and pleasure
    •How to use a strap on
    •How to make sure to keep everything healthy and safe
    •Much, much more…

    You will leave knowing

    •how to talk about anal stimulation with your partner
    •how to stay healthy and safe
    •how to create a safe space for any emotions that come up to be expressed
    •how to deeply relax the body so it can open up and receive
    •the anatomy of the anal area
    •effective communication strategies for intimacy
    •specific ways to tease and please the anus in particular and the entire human body in general

    Schedule:

    7:00 – Doors open
    7:15 – Class begins. Doors are locked. No late arrivals allowed.
    8:30 – Break
    8:45 – Optional Guided Practice Begins
    9:45 – Close Class

    A note about the optional guided practice – I am implementing a policy that a telephone conversation is to be had if at all possible with every class attendee to discuss the upcoming class so I can tailor the experience to the people who will be present.  If I cannot speak with you in advance I will not be able to include you in the guided practice portion of the event.

    Some things to know:

    •The practice session will be clothing optional.
    •This is not an orgy or party atmosphere.
    •This is a safe space that will allow participants to become completely aware of their body and their erotic energy.
    •You must participate in the practice to stay in the room.

    —Included in your registration for this class is the Group Sex Class And Optional Play Time that directly follows.  Click here to see more.

    Early Bird Registration Until 8/16/2016

    $20 for singles
    $30 for couples and poly pods

    Regular Price

    $35 for singles
    $45 for couples and poly pods

    This will be an alcohol free event.

    No money will be accepted at the door.  Click here to register.

    Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.

    For questions feel free to contact Nikki at 702.674.6606

    Anal, Bali, Masturbation | Checking in

    Anal Update

    The “Art Of Anal Pleasure” class was AMAZING.  We had a full house and 2 amazing demonstration models.  One was a gentleman who was a very experienced anal player who got to have his limits stretched by having an audience view his play.  The second was a beautiful mature woman who on the outside seemed so sweet and innocent but once she got naked and I had my strap-on in place she was voracious!  I was able to demonstrate all the anal positions I know with her.  Everyone learned something new and a good time was had by all.  I look forward to Anal August:)

    Bali Trip

    sex coach nikki gets a happy ending massage in Bali

    All male therapists at this spa:)

    I went to Bali for the end of April to attend a women’s retreat.  It was transformational.  Without the hustle and bustle of everyday life I was able to feel into some deep desires.  Several came up.  Here are some:

    • to work with more people as a sex coach over the phone and over skype
    • to work with more women in a healing capacity – helping with painful sex and numbness
    • to partner up with other professionals so I can have company when I’m working
    • to have more fun in my business

    I’m so happy to be back home.  I love love love so many things here in Vegas – my family, my business…  I definitely missed it all.

    Did you know that there are not any sex toy stores in Bali, Indonesia?  I did not until I was looking for one.  I was going to indulge in buying a new sex toy – part of the the point of the retreat was self care so I wanted to make sure to take care of myself sexually as well – and no one could help me.  I finally found out that it wasn’t legal in Bally.

    So when we had a free day I sought out a happy ending massage:)  Actually, I’d already gotten a few massages (they are only $15 an hour there) but none of the girls would go there with me.  I was finally able to get some relief when I went to an all male therapist place.  I had this 25 year old island boy and he was very good at taking direction:)  I felt MUCH better after that.

    Happy Masturbation Month!!!

    sex coach Nikki, masturbation month, masturbation coachYup, May is masturbation month.  It’s something I love personally and professionally.  Professionally it’s one of the most important tools I use in my sex coaching.  There are many things you can incorporate into masturbation that will have a therapeutic benefit to either overcome sexual dysfunction or expand a person’s experience of pleasure.  I’m truly enjoying the work I do with people that includes masturbation coaching.  It creates a deep connection very quickly and that helps us move through issues powerfully and completely.

    I put up a couple if informational videos on my youtube channel for masturbation month.  What do you think?  Click here to visit my channel

    How are you?  How may I be of service to you this summer?

    Please take a moment to drop a note with an update about you and yours.  Ask me any questions you might have.  Let me know if something I’ve shared has helped you out.

    Delayed Ejaculation

    Email Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com to more information on sex coaching and masturbation coaching.

    Delayed ejaculation is also known as retarded ejaculation or impaired ejaculation. This is whenever is it taking you longer than you would like to ejaculate and you are frustrated. You may also be getting tired or sore from sex or masturbation before you ejaculate. Some people constantly experience their partners frustration since they haven’t cum yet and they are tired or sore.

    There are many possible causes for delayed ejaculation both physical and mental.

    My approach is to work with you to review your sex history and together uncover beliefs and thoughts that might be affecting you. Optionally I witness your masturbation practice in a way that releases shame and can show me where you might make some changes in your physical practice.

    You will experience more pleasure from your body, have improved confidence and experience deeper satisfaction by the time we are finished working together.

    Email me to set up a time to talk so we can see if we would be a good fit Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com

    Masturbation Benefits

    There are a TON of benefits to be had from masturbation and you can exponentially increase how many you experience by practicing mindful masturbation. My favorite benefit is stress relief. Our daily lives are filled with stress from many sources and with masturbation you can use erotic energy to move the stress through and out of your body.

    For more information about mindful masturbation and the masturbation coaching I offer send me an email at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com Let me know what you’re interests are and we can schedule a time for a quick chat to see if we would be a good fit for working together

    I invite you to celebrate masturbation month with me by trying something new and letting me know how it works out. If you are interested in the therapeutic benefits even better. I love sexual healing! While I am not a licensed therapist my methods are very therapeutic. I truly enjoy being a masturbation coach because I get to co-create with my clients and be with them on the journey as they experience rapid improvement. The point is not that people need to learn how to masturbate – it’s that they can use certain masturbation skills and techniques to overcome common sexual dysfunction and to expand their experience of pleasure.

    Couples Sex Coaching For Pleasure Session Part Two

    couple holding hands - couples sex coachingI offer lots of options during individual and couples sex coaching sessions.  One option is nudity – either partial or full.  I will follow my clients comfort levels regarding this – but I may push a little too if it will help to move the session along.

    I feel that being naked takes away many barriers and almost instantly releases shame around our bodies in general and our genitals in particular.  Nudity also usually generates arousal and with arousal we can work even deeper with your sex and sexuality interests.

    Although her practice is very different than mine, Sarah White explains beautifully about how being naked can be extremely therapeutic.  Click here to visit her site and read all about her method of Naked Therapy.

    Couples Sex Coaching Session

    Their comfort level is full nudity.  I set up the massage table and give him instructions to undress and lay face-down while I use the restroom and wash my hands.  I come out nude and begin the massage while she sits on the bed.

    As I massage him the three of us discuss our sexuality.  I ask questions about their successes and challenges and share my own.  By having such an intimate atmosphere they are able to open up quickly and we are able to discuss things on a very deep level almost immediately.

    When I get to the buttocks area I demonstrate and explain slow, loving touch that will be easy for her to give and very sensual and pleasurable for him to receive.  Sometimes it’s better to go slower and softer.  The genital and anal area sometimes benefit from simply being held while aroused without any movement.

    He likes anal stimulation but she doesn’t love to give it – she will do it sometimes as a treat.  Many couples find themselves in this situation  – one partner enjoys something more (much more) than the other.  There are usually reasons for the dislike of any activity and usually they can be managed if not overcome altogether.  For this couple to have more anal play for him I suggest they incorporate gloves in the bedroom.  Using gloves will increase her confidence that she will not inadvertently hurt him and it will reduce her concerns about messiness.  They could take it a step further by having him give himself an enema before their play.

    Feeling Alone In Your Relationship?

    Stop Feeling Alone In Your Relationship
    Happy Young Couple

    I know what it’s like to be feeling alone in your relationship.  I experience that when I’m afraid.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk openly and freely with my partner.  I become afraid that if I share what is going on inside that I will lose my relationship.  As the pain and disconnection becomes worse I finally realize my truths again:

    • That I don’t want my relationship if that is how it is going to be and become open to change.
    • I often base my expectations of his reactions on reactions I’ve seen from other people in the past.  For example: my mother shared something with my father and he was explosively angry.  My partner is not explosive – ever – and I forget that.
    • I guess what his reaction will be when I really don’t know what it will be.  I really like the solution Cynthia has given in Step 3.
    • I underestimate the power of our love and commitment to each other.  Usually, once we’ve talked in a positive way, when we’ve both seen each others point of view, we are able to work things out win-win.

    I read this and just had to share!  If you’re feeling alone in your relationship use this process please let me know how it worked for you.  I prescribe similar things but I love how Cynthia has laid it out.

    Experiencing Intimacy: Overcoming The Aloneness In Your Relationship

    By Cynthia Belmer

    Our intimate relationship with our significant other is a mirror of how we feel about ourselves and in life in general. Many of us face challenges opening up to our partners and talking about things that scare us the most in the relationship. When we are in this situation, a feeling of disconnection arises, and the mind makes a list of judgments of why we should keep some strict boundaries with our loved one. Little do we know how much we are damaging our relationship and how we are giving so much more power to our fear of intimacy.

    A fear of Intimacy, often brings us to a situation where we get taken over by our emotions such as anger, feeling resentful for not getting what we need, being scared of getting hurt over and over again and being attached that we are right. Many just give up working through these challenges and walk away from the relationship, some others continue on sabotaging and pushing their loved one away. What we miss to realize is that the only way out from feeling stuck in this emotional disconnection is to turn towards the pain instead of turning away. Knowing that it is okay to be vulnerable with our partner and choosing to let them understand our pain without being scared of losing ourselves.

    This moment of awareness brings us to the state of experiencing freedom, fearlessness and becoming a brave warrior: When we look at the problem or fear and move towards and beyond it; when we sit with it until we become so familiar and comfortable with it; when we talk about it openly and let our partner understand how we feel, let him/her help us and be there for us. Being intimate with ourselves through our emotions and fears, we allow ourselves to experience being fully human and we provide space for our partner to be closer to our heart and part of our lives.

    So, if you are someone who is facing challenges opening up to your partner, below are some steps that might help you initiating an open and loving conversation:

    Step 1: Meditate on the problem you are facing

    Think through your problem first. Sit with your feeling and try to understand it a little bit deeper (If you are having hard time understanding it, that’s okay, it’s very normal and eventually you’ll get there). Try to understand what comes up for you in terms of feelings, emotions and write them down without any judgment.

    Step 2: Understand why it is important for you to tell your partner about your feelings

    This step is very important because it identifies the problem and helps you understand your wants and your needs.

    Step 3: Use your imagination positively

    Take a moment and visualize how would it feel like to have told your partner about this problem. What beautiful feelings come up in your heart? Where do you feel it in your body? Write your visualization, your feelings and read them over and over again.

    Step 4: Schedule an official meeting

    Send a meeting invitation to your partner and mention that you need their full attention. I found this to work really well especially to get the partner’s attention and to get them to be fully present.

    Step 5: Ask for your needs

    Before you discuss the topic, tell your partner how important it is for you to feel supported and heard during the meeting. Check-in with them to see if this is something they feel they can do. The answer is 99% of the time is yes or I will try!

    Step 6: Turn your focus towards your heart and discuss the problem

    Talk about what is going on whether it was in your life or in your relationship. What is your heart feeling? What does he need? If this is something related to your relationship, focus only on how you feel and not on all the things that are going wrong or the mistakes that the person is making. Remember, the meeting is about YOU!

    Step 7: Request your wants

    “Ask” your partner to show care and affection when you are done talking and state
    how you would like to them to help you in this journey. What do you really want from them? What do you need to feel better?

    Being close to our partner is so warming, loving and peaceful that it’s hard sometimes to navigate through a problem that keeps us distant. Turning towards our pain and fear does not mean that it will be very easy for us to open up, but it’s a step closer to find a way in towards our relationship instead of a way out. This is the pathway towards inner freedom, unconditional love and being a human being fully and naturally. Otherwise, we will keep pushing intimacy away over and over again until we finally surrender.

     

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