Overcoming sexual guilt can be an important part of couples sex coaching. After exploring new ways of experiencing pleasure together, one couple discovered that their emotional reactions were just as important as the physical experience.
Processing Feelings After a Sexual Experience
We all got cleaned up and dressed and sat in a circle to review the experience.
She was very happy with everything and felt a new hope that she would be able to enjoy penetrative sex. She finally felt like she wasn’t “broken”.
He felt grateful for the experience and all the knowledge I shared with them. However, he was dealing with guilt around having experienced a climax with a woman besides his girlfriend.
At first, she was quick to reassure him that she wasn’t upset. In fact, she was happy that everything had happened the way it did.
Understanding Sexual Guilt
I went a little deeper before offering reassurance. I asked why he felt that way.
After some discussion, what it came down to was the old ideas of what was okay and not okay.
I also talked with him about deserving to feel good and being worth getting all the pleasure he can. That definitely struck a chord.
Examining Old Beliefs About Pleasure
I explained how these feelings were based on old beliefs, and beliefs are only ideas we think over and over.
He could choose to examine each belief. If it was no longer serving his current situation, he could find a new thought to think. Eventually, that thought could become a new belief that would support his decisions.
Examining our beliefs can help us understand how they influence our experiences. I explore this further in Treasures From Self-Examination and Pleasure Practices.
A note about sexual guilt: Guilt can come from learned beliefs, cultural expectations, or deeply held personal values. Exploring those feelings doesn’t necessarily mean someone needs to change their boundaries or beliefs. The goal is to understand what feels authentic and right for each person while respecting the agreements within their relationship.
Moving Forward With Confidence
I recommended that every time a feeling of guilt came up, he remember that he was allowed to feel pleasure and that he was worth it.
He was in a loving relationship, and the things we did during that session were in support of that relationship.
He felt much more grounded and positive after that discussion and thanked me.
If you’re curious about how coaching can support conversations about pleasure and intimacy, read What to Expect When Working With Sex Coach Nikki.
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