Working With Desire, Communication, and Fulfillment

When Things Work Out

Of course, I love it when things work out – don’t you?

When there is a desire, maybe even an ache, a yearning

And you can just be, totally present, broadcasting your true self

And your true desire

And somehow everything aligns

Someone else’s desire compliments yours

And you can fulfill something for each other

With each other

Holding a sweet space in time for vulnerability

Intimacy

Communicating

Asking for adjustments that are received and make things better for both people

And you co-create the experience

The fulfillment

And it is generative

Although you both are spent in one way, you are feeling revitalized overall.

 

I love it when this is the flow of my life.  This is my goal in my interactions with my teenage child, with my lovers, with my clients.  Having the experience of safety to be and to experience what is.  Following the sensation, going with the flow, all parties 100% present and invested.

That is why people get so much out of spending time with me.

After my last post, I got a lot of feedback.  It was extremely high sensation – what I mean by that is I felt a wide range of emotions, and some of them were very intense.  I know that some who read what I wrote felt a lot of sensation/emotions too.  I get to receive those, feel them, and do my best to relax and release them as they are not mine.  I get to handle all the sensations coming from others and from my own mind/ego that wants to interpret everything and make it mean things and build a whole story around the event.

At the end of my post, I mentioned offering private coaching.  There were a few questions about that.

I will be very upfront – I do not have systems set up for my coaching business.  It has been cooking for over ten years, but I have always had it on the back burner.  It has simmered a long time now, and I feel it is ready to be part of the main course of my service offerings.  What you are seeing now is my transition – moving private coaching from the back burner to front and center.

It is ready to serve, so to speak.

If you are interested in working with me – if you are looking for connection, communication, intimacy, and expression for yourself and your life – let me know.  I have been thinking about niches and marketing and who my ideal client is, and so far, I know it is someone who wants to experience what I described above.  I can teach that.  I can help you experience that.

You can apply that type of experience in all areas of your life to have movement and fulfillment.

Message me for more info.

Available for private coaching.

Warmly,
Nikki
702.674.6606 – text first to schedule a time to talk or use my calendar link https://calendly.com/sexcoachnikki/30min

 

Starting Is The Hardest Part

Life Coach Nikki, transformation coach, transition coach, life change coach, sex coach, couples coach, parent coachStarting is the hardest part.

How to change, how to navigate the darkness, the anger.

How to let go of the old.  Knowing it no longer applies but also having been shaped and molded by it.

Can you let it go?

Wanting to come from a place of love.  From my highest self.  Love and compassion.  Free from fears. Or at least having the courage to overcome them.  Overcoming any obstacle.

Where do you want to come from?

Change is hard.  You only have to change one thing – everything.  That’s what they say in “the program”.  How true that is.

Being willing.  To go through the pain.  My own pain.  Others pain.  The pain of change.

Are you willing?

You will change when the pain of staying the same is the greater than the pain of change.  What flavor of shit sandwich do you want to eat today?  (From Mark Manson, Author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck).

I’ve been silent so long.  I don’t know if my voice will leave again.  I’m afraid to make a commitment.  I’m afraid of fucking up.  How can I fuck this up? In all the ways.  Reminds me of an interview I recently heard with Kyle Cease…

So, now I’m putting myself out here.  Hoping to stop selling my time and my body and instead sell you on your own transformation.  Overcoming my own fears and feelings of inadequacy.  My own not-enoughness.

What is your transformation worth to you?

I’ve done all the things.  I keep remembering working with my last mentor, how she was able to help me so much but, in the end, it turned out to be a sham.  It was a false front.  I was completely disillusioned.  I could no longer just “raise my vibration” and “put myself on the happy dial” as she instructed me once I found out all her flaws.  All her fakeness.  I felt so used and like I was her piggy bank.

I had to deal with my darkness.  I had to be able to go down.  She did not prepare me for that.  Everything I was building also depended on her false front.

I tried, so many ways.  Here I am trying again.  Will I sink or swim?  Only time will tell.  The boats – I’m not burning them, but they will be leaving me here, not to return to bring me back to my old way for a long time and possibly never.  My life and my body are changing.  I must stop selling it by the hour.

Not that I’ve hated that.  In fact, I’ve loved it!  I’ve enjoyed it.  I’ve had a life much better than most and probably better than I deserve.  But It’s no longer serving me.  I’m so grateful for the experiences.  For the learning.  For the mastery.

And now I want to share that on a larger scale.  In the few private coaching sessions, I’ve had I’ve been so blessed to see what an amazing impact an hour a week with me can have on someone’s life.  And the ripple effects…  Applying all I’ve learned to create a 6-figure service-based business, all the communication skills, all the soul searching and personal growth, all the solutions from all the mistakes.

And I’m still on the path.  Please don’t put me on a pedestal.  I’m just on a different part of the path then you are.  Maybe further ahead in some areas.  Further behind in others.  Possibly a different path altogether.

Ah – the fear.  The fear of judgement and criticism.  The fear of losing my old identity.  My ego is screaming right now.  Ego death – how exciting and terrifying and exhilarating all the same time.

And knowing that I can’t do it alone.  No man is an island.  The vulnerability is heart wrenching.  To depend on others.  To be put in a position where I can be hurt, injured, let down, disappointed…  More ego death.  Letting go of expectations.  Letting go of details.  Letting go of the “how”.

Focusing on what feels good.  Raising my vibration.  Raising my frequency.  Getting in “the vortex”.  Manifesting.  So woo woo and such bullshit.  But it works.  In an extremely specific way.  I must be careful to not bullshit myself.  Or others.  Or I will be just as fake as my old mentor.  So today I practiced.  I’ve been practicing for 4 days.  Focusing on feeling good.  And when I don’t feel good, enjoying those sensations as well like I learned from Carolyn Elliott and the practice of existential kink.  If I’m feeling it that is my evidence of wanting it.  So enjoy it and get off on it.  That in itself is a higher vibration.  And a deeper kind of self-love.

And I am focusing on that too.  Loving myself.  Yes, masturbating.  But also, being nice to myself in my own head and heart.  Talking to my inner little girl and as fucking stupid as that felt to do in the beginning, I’m feeling the healing.  I’m so grateful for the work I’ve done.

In this time that I’ve been silent I’ve experienced so much.  Not just from the virus – that’s a whole chapter for me just like it is for everyone.  I’ve dealt with so much in addition – finding out I have abandonment issues, seeing my insecure attachment style surface, reading, reading, reading, looking for the solution.  The Power of Now, The Untethered Soul, The Journey From Abandonment To Healing, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fuck.  Listening to countless interviews by Tom Bilyeu.  Enrolling in college full time.

:::

Available for private coaching.

Warmly,
Nikki
702.674.6606 – text first to schedule a time to talk or use my calendar link https://calendly.com/sexcoachnikki/30min

 

Contrast Brings Clarity

Why am I taking down Nikkislessons.com?

The short answer is that it is not fulfilling its purpose and I feel it is also confusing people about what I offer as a sex coach.

For those of you who are new to me and my work, I started a video website in 2011 called NikkisLessons.com. The intention was for me to be able to share my knowledge and educate people on how to do sexual things in such a way that I could leverage my time by working one to many. It was also meant to be a more (financially) accessible way to work with me for those who could not afford in-person coaching. While I do know the site helped many people, I don’t think it truly supported my vision of being a teaching tool.

Since I was personally the demonstration model for 99% of the videos, what I found was many of the viewers were much more interested in interacting with me as a sexual partner or entertainer than as an educator. There is nothing wrong with that – I am also a sex worker after all. The problem was whenever I marketed my services as a coach or educator, I’d get a lot of requests for entertainment (making pornographic videos) which was not my desire.

This has been one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make in my business. I’ve put a lot of time and money into creating the website. While it was not a raging success, I would not call it a failure by any measure. The site has been a huge part of my business endeavors over the last nine years and I am somewhat sad to see it go.

Contrast Brings Clarity

This is one of my most important lessons and teaching points. Only by evaluating an experience, comparing what you wanted vs. what happened so you can see the contrast, can you gain clarity and make a new decision moving forward. I tried having a video website where I had explicit how-to lessons on sex, and it did not give me the results I wanted. I tried to make it work in several different ways and it still did not do what I wanted it to. I am willing to let it go and try something totally new and different. My hope is that by letting go of this piece of my business I will have more bandwidth to put towards the activities I do desire, the ways I do enjoy working with people and helping them in their day to day lives.