Author Archives: Sex Coach Nikki

How To Come Down Pleasurably With Mindful Practice

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come down from sexual and emotional highs with mindful practices with sex coach nikkiIn this mindful erotic exploration article I’ll cover:

  • What is “Coming Down”?
  • How does it relate to sex?
  • How you can “come down” pleasurably.

What is “Coming Down”

During the holiday season there are lots of emotional up’s and down’s. Most people go through these unconsciously and feel as though things are just happening to them. Once you start being mindful you can see how you can make choices about how you come down from being emotionally high. Some examples of going high would be gathering with friends that you love, seeing people enjoy your hard work cooking in the kitchen, spending time with your lover cocooned up in a romantic getaway, going to a convention (this is called “con drop”), end of the year work celebrations, etc.

How “Coming Down” Relates To Sex

You can compare it to the arousal cycle. First comes flirting, building anticipation, making plans and feeling the attraction. This is all building up the energy and motivating you to move forward toward the encounter. Then, you get to make out. You take your time enjoying the build-up. You explore, tease and titillate getting the most you can out of every activity you do. You may experience many peaks and valleys during your love making and you may even climax. Whenever you feel complete and stop stimulation there is a period where you come down.

This is usually the time for cuddling and talking. You don’t generally jump out of bed and get back to work unless you absolutely have to.  It’s nice to give yourself time to let the experience you just had sink in to your body. You may have to sleep a bit or eat something.  After a while you will feel more normal, you will come back into homeostasis.

Coming down from emotional highs in life can be very similar. Unfortunately, most people don’t give themselves the time and space to come down pleasurably. It’s as though they want to jump up out of bed and get right back to work without giving their bodies a chance to recover from such an intense experience.  What happens when you do jump right out of bed to get back to work? You go to work hungry and sleepy. It’s difficult to make good decisions and be as productive as possible.

You Will “Come Down” One Way Or Another

The problem is – you will come down one way or another.  Just like coming down from sex, coming down from the emotional highs of life experiences can be pleasurable or rough. You come down hard/rough when you can’t make good decisions and since you’re sleepy you make mistakes. The way this manifests is picking arguments with your partner, having accidents, making life decisions that aren’t the best, getting overly intoxicated, etc.

How To “Come Down” Pleasurably

Now that you know about coming down from emotional highs you can be mindful about coming down pleasurably. After your event or experience give yourself the time and space to come down and get back to normal. Good things to do during this time are eating healthy meals, watching funny movies, taking hot baths (especially with epsom salt), debriefing/reviewing your event with a friend or counselor, even making love and reconnecting with yourself and your partner. Also, just being aware that you are coming down will help you to notice if you are doing something like picking a fight or making bad decisions.

Above all else, be gentle with yourself.  Try to notice your behavior without judging or criticizing yourself.  Know that changing your habits can take time.  That’s why this is part of a mindfulness practice – practice being the key word – where we can make progress.

Click here to check out more articles for more ideas about mindful erotic practices.

If you would like more support around coming down pleasurably or any other topic that is within my area of expertise please do not hesitate to reach out.  Click here to find out more about working with me.

Happy Holidays!
Sex Coach Nikki

Happy Anal August from Sex Coach Nikki!

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I love teaching the art of anal pleasure and how to have anal sex almost as much as I enjoy giving and receiving it!   

Anal and prostate massage are some of my specialties.

With my background as a masseuse I have hundreds of hours of experience with anal massage and prostate massage (aka prostate milking).  I also believe putting on a strap-on and using it as a prosthetic dick is the best way to practice pegging.

People enjoy anal stimulation for a variety of reasons.  Some people enjoy it because of the sensations, others because of the power exchange.  I also recommend to always give some attention to the anus during oral sex.  There is nothing like the feeling of a tongue on your rosebud!

I am available to teach all about anal pleasure to singles, couples and small groups.  Yes, I can facilitate a class on anal sex!  I’m also happy to join your bachelor or bachelorette party to share this info in a fun and playful way with all the guys or gals.  For singles and couples I can work with you in person in Las Vegas or online anywhere in the world.

Text me to set up a time to talk about it at 7026746606

3 Things To Do When You Have No Time For Sex

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Are you stressed out because you or your partner don’t have enough time for true intimacy and connection?  As a sex coach I hear about it all the time from people who attend my classes – their sex is great, when they get to have it.  They make the time to do something special together here and there (like go to my class) but they never make the time to practice what they learned in the class.  I’ve found that time management tools can work just as well for having an abundant sex life as they do for being productive in business.

  1. Cultivate your mindset so you can have more sexy time.

The first thing to change is your mindset.  There is a prayer I often say when I’m trying something new, “Please help me set aside everything I know and everything I think I know so that I may have an open mind for a new experience.”  The more you repeat ‘I don’t have time’ the more you won’t have time.  Let that thought go and think instead ‘how can I find time?’.  Then your brain will go to work finding time do have erotic practices and sex.

  1. Get tools to help you make time for your inner sexy beast.

Next, you need tools.  The thinking that got you into this situation will not get you out of it.  Below is a sign up box to get a chapter of my book for free that has lots of ideas about how to make more time in your life – not only for sex but for your entire quality of life.  Just think – with better time management habits you could become more focused and productive, finally have a way to do things you’ve been putting off, and even be more available for friends and family when they need you.

  1. Be easy on your sexy self.

Making changes is never easy, even when they are good ones.  Know that by reading articles like this and checking new things out means you are on the right path and chances are you are doing more than most.  Keep that momentum going and sign up for the free chapter.  You will get some other tools and goodies as well to guide you on your path of erotic exploration.  If after reading it and using the other tools I send you things are still tough then definitely consider going to couples counseling , a sex therapist or using a sex coach to support you.

     

    How your beliefs can hurt you during anal sex with Anal Sex Coach Nikki

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    Are you wondering how your belief system could actually hurt you during anal sex?

    I’m Sex Coach Nikki http://NikkiLundberg.com. I find the number one reason people are experiencing pain during anal sex or even thinking anal sex is because of their belief system around it.

    This is one of the areas I really work through with my clients – looking at what their belief systems are around anal pleasure and anal sex.

    We all have beliefs and programming around what it means to enjoy anal pleasure and even about the anal area in general.

    Most of these beliefs were learned from our family, religion and culture.

    One way out family can influence us is as a baby during potty-training often the parents and family will use phrases like “ooh yuckey bottom”, and “clean your butt” and we’re repeatedly shamed over and over as a little baby.

    One of the ways our culture influences us is by first off being anti-homosexual but secondly by correlating anal pleasure for me with homosexuality.

    The way religion can influence your beliefs around sex is by teaching that sex is only for procreation.

    You don’t want to have anal sex because that’s not going to cause procreation and it’s definitely for pleasure only.

    These types of beliefs lead to viewing anal pleasure as dirty, perverted, naughty and nasty.

    Often people can get an erotic thrill out of being a “bad boy” or “bad girl” and that’s great!

    But for those who don’t and feel shame and guilt about the way they enjoy their bodies these beliefs need to be examined.

    Also, people who want to be “good” are potentially missing out on a lot of pleasure.

    In fact I just had this session with a gentleman and his body responded so beautifully to the prostate massage and I was able to milk him and everything but afterward he’s like “I’m not sure if I liked” it even though his body loved it!

    It was mental about his beliefs!

    What I recommend and what I do is my clients is to walk through and actually look at what your beliefs are.

    One way to do this is to keep asking “so what does that mean” and find out what meanings anal sex and anal pleasure have for you.

    Once you start figuring out what it means to you internally then you can ask “is this belief supporting me?”.

    One of the biggest things I hear from couples is that one partner wants to try something and the other one does not want to.

    This is where we would ask “are these beliefs still supporting you? Are they you helping you actually move forward in your life and in your relationship?”

    When one partner wants to explore and experience things and they just they’re running up against brick wall that can cause a lot of damage to the relationship.

    Just because one partner is not into something doesn’t mean that the other partner should go without (in my opinion).

    If you do examine your beliefs and anal sex is still is a no-go then you two can start looking at other options as far as experiences go.

    I would love to hear if you do any kind of work to uncover your beliefs and if you’re surprised at what they are.

    As far as my personal journey, when I started playing around with anal stimulation I had a lot of concern about how it looked how it smelled and I was I was very concerned.

    I found out very quickly though that there are plenty of ways to be clean.

    When my concerns are about how it looks I have to remember – it’s how it looks as what it is. A butthole looks like a butthole. And if your partner likes buttholes, then they are going to like how it looks.

    Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex? With Anal Sex Coach Nikki

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    Are your muscles causing you pain during anal sex?

    Hi I’m Sex Coach Nikki and I have been doing sensual and erotic massage for nine years. I can tell you that tight pelvic floor muscles are the number one cause of pain during any kind of anal sex or stimulation.

    One way to test your anal and pelvic floor muscles

    Sit down on something firm and see if you can squeeze your anus. Squeeze your anal sphincter muscles and see if you can feel your butt moving and does it hurt? Does it feel uncomfortable? Then the next thing to do is push from the inside out and push down toward the surface you’re sitting on and you should feel movement. If you do not feel movement then that means that your muscles are kind of locked. It means your tight ass (laughing).

    It’s easy to fix this. You just need to do some self massage or go see a masseuse. Not a regular massage therapistclock face for anal sex pleasure mapping sex coach nikki – they cannot work in this area it is not legal but there are some physical therapists who will work in the anal area. Definitely do what’s right for you as far as what feels good for you.

    A better way to test your anal muscles and self massage techniques

    Go in the shower with nice warm water and lather up your hands and then (usually using the hand you wipe with because that’s how your back bends easiest. If you’re right-handed use your right hand) start massaging in your anal area.

    You’re going to massage your undercarriage and feel for the muscles up and down your butt crack, around your anus and then also all the way around the sphincters. Notice how tight or relaxed they can are.

    Imagine the face of a clock on your anus with 12 o’clock being straight towards the tailbone.  Using your fingertip put some pressure against your butthole at each spot on the clock.  Stay at each spot for one breath and make mental note how the muscle feels.

    Once you go around the outside, penetrate with your fingertip as far as is comfortable.  Push with firm pressure at each spot on “the clock” pausing for a breath and again noting how the muscle feels.

    This is going to be a really great self massage to start relaxing your anal muscles and it’s something you can easily do every day in the shower.

    As you get more accustomed to this massage you’ll gain control over your anal muscles and you’ll start learning how to relax them.

    You’ll be able to penetrate more deeply eventually penetrating up to your first and then your second knuckle. At each depth you do the same thing – pause for a breath and massage all the points on the clock.

    Having a hard time reaching your anus?

    Your ability to do this in the shower depends also on how flexible you are. I’m a little bit of a thicker girl so I can’t reach a whole lot standing up. If that’s how you are then you want to move on to the bed to lay down and twist. Make sure to incorporate a lot of lube. In the shower you’re using the soap and that lubricates the area for you but when you’re on your bed you want to use lube.

    As long as you’re not about to have sex with a condom you can use almost anything for lube. You can go in the kitchen and get some olive oil or coconut oil. Any kind of oil is fine as long as you’re not about to use a condom.

    I hope I gave you some good ideas on getting your muscles relaxed in your anal area and that is probably going to help you have a lot more pleasure during anal sex!

    Want to go deeper learning about anal sex?

    Sign up for my free email series at https://www.mcssl.com/WebForms/WebForm.aspx?wid=6d040196-f195-42b7-9e30-bdc261e8aff9

    Romance, Polyamory and Personal Integrity

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    Romance is the most tender part of many people’s lives and often the most difficult to talk about.  This is where we can feel most vulnerable – not only personally but also as a unit with our loves (both family and romantic). We feel like we have so much judgement on ourselves and others – usually negative judgement – it’s easiest to ignore any issues or problems.  People also share about this area the least because we don’t want it to negatively affect people we are with.

    I have valuable and powerful experiences with relationships and polyamory that I can share.  I often draw on my own life experiences when I’m coaching rather than theory.  I also work well with people who are seeing therapists for couples counseling.  Working in a triad (you, me and your therapist) is a powerful approach for better communication in your relationship.

    Here is a personal example: I’m talking with my boyfriend about the possibility of dating other men and how that would look. I recognize my programming around relationships all supports monogamy.  Monogamy is like the default and the way of least resistance – easy to fall into and not think. However, it’s not honest for me to try to make a monogamous relationship work – to make it conform to meet my needs.  It’s important to have integrity with myself and live in a way that supports me and those around me as much as possible.  Just because I identify as polyamorous doesn’t mean that in practice I am honoring that part of myself.

    When I work with people I help them identify their beliefs and programing and to consider if those beliefs are serving them.  I guide them to look at behaviors and reactions that come from running on auto-pilot and look for ways to be more awake, aware and conscious.  This is how I support people to make decisions from a place of love vs. a place of unconsciousness.

    Send me an email if you would like to talk about working through some of your beliefs and programming so you can make decisions that keep you in integrity with yourself.

    Warmly,
    Nikki
    Sex Coach
    Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com

    Connection Thru Masturbation

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    masturbation coaching with sex coach NikkiConnection and wanting to feel connected are high on everyone’s list.  These are also potential benefits of mindful masturbation!

    How does this happen?

    When you create a mindful masturbation practice (with or without masturbation coaching) you begin to sensitize yourself to more subtle physical stimulation.  Part of sensitizing yourself is improving your attention (both the quality of your attention as well as the quantity or span).  This sensitivity to subtle sensations and improved attention shows up in all areas of your life.  You will be more likely to pick up on subtle cues and clues from those around you to know what they are trying to communicate and how they are feeling.

    If you are interested in working with a sex coach online or a sex coach in Las Vegas you should set up an exploratory session with Sex Coach Nikki. Exploratory sessions are free. Email her at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com or text her at 702.674.6606 to schedule a time for an initial chat.

    Although Nikki is not a licensed sex therapist working with her is very therapeutic and could have many benefits for your sex life and your sexual health. She coaches in person, over the phone and on skype.  Masturbation coaching is her favorite tool!  Masturbation done mindfully and with purpose can help improve libido, give you control over premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation, lead to becoming multi-orgasmic, ease pain during sex (for both genders) as well as make your solo sex life more satisfying and give you the capacity to feel more connected to the people around you.

    Difficult To Maintain An Erection In A Group Sex Situation?

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    Guys – Are you having a hard time getting it up or keeping it up in a group sex situation?  If so this is totally normal and something you can work through.

    As a sex coach and swinger I know that for many people the thought or desire to be in a group sex situation can be very erotic.  The challenge is that we usually don’t have many situations like this in our real life so we can be surprised how challenging it is to actually take advantage of these situations when they arise.  I have many people come to my classes extremely excited about the group practice time only to be frustrated because it doesn’t work out they way they thought.

    It is possible to work through this.  Most things we do are habitual and if you have a habit of having sex in one or two ways it may be difficult to enjoy sex in other ways or circumstances.  In order to work through this you need to practice getting to know your body better and following erotic energy more than using a set pattern that you know will work to bring you to climax.  That set pattern will not work under all circumstances whereas following the erotic energy will.

    Because erotic energy is subtle and body based many of us need to practice sensing it in order to have access to it.  This is where I come in as a sex coach.

    • I work with you to become more mindful in your solo sex or partner sex activities.
    • I will witness you in solo or partner sex if that seems to be beneficial to reaching your sexological goals.
    • I’m able to accompany you to swinger clubs to coach you in real time to feel the flow of erotic energy in a group setting.

    To be clear – I do not masturbate or have sex with you.  I do not touch you in any of these circumstances.  I guide you verbally in ways that will help you to key in to the flow of erotic energy.  Through exercises and homework practices I teach you to become more and more sensitive to the subtle sensations that feel so so good.

    Email or text me to set up a time to talk about working with me so you can enjoy group sex situations to their fullest!

    Warmly,
    Nikki
    Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com
    702.674.6606

    P.S.  I work with people from around the world as an online sex coach.  With the telephone and skype there are few limitations.  For people in Las Vegas I’m happy to provide in person sex coaching.  Also a disclaimer – although working with me can be very therapeutic I am not a sex therapist or marriage counselor.  If there are issues beyond my area of expertise I will require that you seek treatment from the appropriate professionals in order to get the most out of our work together.

    Non Violent Communication Is A Great Tool!

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    To bridge the gap between the masculine “how” and the feminine “what”.  I’ve suggested this tool to several clients over the last couple weeks with great success.

    Many of us are verbally abusive or violent with our partners and we don’t even realize it.  We dominate, manipulate, and give guilt trips in order to communicate how we feel.  We can use passive aggressiveness, aggressive aggressiveness, sarcasm, stonewalling and more to try to convey when we are upset.

    Usually, this causes the other person to become defensive, and we all know the best defense is a good offense.  So they strike back at us, verbally, and the situation escalates.  If this was happening with physical violence we would never tolerate it.  Since it’s verbal though many of us turn a blind eye.

    I don’t agree with everything taught in Non Violent Communication but I think a lot of it is useful.  Often times people have a really hard time getting vulnerable and sharing what is really going on.  It may have been so long that there is barely any trust left with their partner.  This is a feminine and messy and can be really hard to reach.  The structure in the Non Violent Communication gives a masculine container to use to express our emotions and wild feminine vulnerability.

    If you are having a difficult time expressing feelings and being vulnerable definitely check this site out for some resources.

    https://www.cnvc.org/

    #1 Blow job tip with Sex Coach Nikki

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    My #1 tip is to use your own body as a guide for giving pleasure. In order to do this you must get centered and sensitive to your own sensations. You need to focus on the experience, not the performance.

    Do you have any questions giving head? Ask in the comments below or send me an email at nikki@nikkilundberg.com