Connection Thru Masturbation

masturbation coaching with sex coach NikkiConnection and wanting to feel connected are high on everyone’s list.  These are also potential benefits of mindful masturbation!

How does this happen?

When you create a mindful masturbation practice (with or without masturbation coaching) you begin to sensitize yourself to more subtle physical stimulation.  Part of sensitizing yourself is improving your attention (both the quality of your attention as well as the quantity or span).  This sensitivity to subtle sensations and improved attention shows up in all areas of your life.  You will be more likely to pick up on subtle cues and clues from those around you to know what they are trying to communicate and how they are feeling.

If you are interested in working with a sex coach online or a sex coach in Las Vegas you should set up an exploratory session with Sex Coach Nikki. Exploratory sessions are free. Email her at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com or text her at 702.674.6606 to schedule a time for an initial chat.

Although Nikki is not a licensed sex therapist working with her is very therapeutic and could have many benefits for your sex life and your sexual health. She coaches in person, over the phone and on skype.  Masturbation coaching is her favorite tool!  Masturbation done mindfully and with purpose can help improve libido, give you control over premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation, lead to becoming multi-orgasmic, ease pain during sex (for both genders) as well as make your solo sex life more satisfying and give you the capacity to feel more connected to the people around you.

Non Violent Communication Is A Great Tool!

To bridge the gap between the masculine “how” and the feminine “what”.  I’ve suggested this tool to several clients over the last couple weeks with great success.

Many of us are verbally abusive or violent with our partners and we don’t even realize it.  We dominate, manipulate, and give guilt trips in order to communicate how we feel.  We can use passive aggressiveness, aggressive aggressiveness, sarcasm, stonewalling and more to try to convey when we are upset.

Usually, this causes the other person to become defensive, and we all know the best defense is a good offense.  So they strike back at us, verbally, and the situation escalates.  If this was happening with physical violence we would never tolerate it.  Since it’s verbal though many of us turn a blind eye.

I don’t agree with everything taught in Non Violent Communication but I think a lot of it is useful.  Often times people have a really hard time getting vulnerable and sharing what is really going on.  It may have been so long that there is barely any trust left with their partner.  This is a feminine and messy and can be really hard to reach.  The structure in the Non Violent Communication gives a masculine container to use to express our emotions and wild feminine vulnerability.

If you are having a difficult time expressing feelings and being vulnerable definitely check this site out for some resources.

https://www.cnvc.org/

Monogamy Vs. Non-Monogamy | Social Conditioning

The hardest part of “coming out” was to acknowledge and accept that I am not monogamous to myself. I felt a lot of judgment for myself because of the stories/programming/conditioning I had around what monogamy and non-monogamy meant. Their meaning didn’t match up to my definition of self and that meant I was going to be out of integrity with myself – and for me that is like being in purgatory. I have to be right with myself first or nothing else works.

wedding ringsHere are the characteristics that came with monogamy according to my conditioning: a person who is monogamous is caring, loyal, loving, dependable, reliable, humble, trustworthy. They are able to put the needs of the many before the needs of the individual and therefore are also more generous, fair and civil minded than others. These characteristics would also manifest in every other area of their life so that a monogamous person will also have a great work ethic, contribute to society, always take care of their own family and so on and so forth.

On the other hand, I had the belief that the characteristics of a non-monogamous person: dishonest, selfish, self centered, careless, driven by lust, couldn’t care about family or bonds. They would put their own needs ahead of anyone else’s at whatever cost to the other people as long as they were satisfied. These people were not to be trusted or relied upon under any circumstances. They would suck others into their deceitful manipulative lifestyle any chance they got.

So you can see how I had a hard time accepting being non-monogamous. I did my best to practice the values of the monogamous person. A part of me was dying inside because I wasn’t being true to myself. I couldn’t reconcile the differences between how I felt inside (non-monogamous) and the kind of life I wanted to live (positive and generative). It is only through experiencing acceptance, tolerance, love and approval from others and myself that I have been able to see that these definitions have nothing to do with reality. They have to do with social norms, control, repression, and shame.

Cultivating Pleasure

Cultivate Pleasure With Sex Coach NikkiTo cultivate is to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill).  In what ways do you cultivate yourself?  Are you mindful about what you do in preparation of receiving what you desire?  Do you have conscious daily practices in place?

In the past these concepts were foreign to me.  I knew about wanting to have a better life.  I knew that I had to do something different than my parents if I wanted a different experience.  But I had no idea where to start.  I was open to suggestions…  and that’s when I started on my journey.

I learned ways to let go of what I already knew so I could embrace new ideas and beliefs.  I became willing to try new things, to play and experiment, and to push to the edge of my comfort zone often.

Things that worked were honesty, positivity, creativity, and exploration.  During this process I learned new skills, picked up new habits and ultimately began to take on higher level practices.  These are all bringing me what I desire and preparing me for even more!

Here is a list of practices I do on a regular basis – if not daily – that cultivate me for the life I desire.

  • fellowship
  • Orgasmic Meditation
  • Masturbation Meditation
  • exercise
  • mindfully eat whole food
  • journal
  • immerse myself in learning environments
  • have family time
  • play

What’s amazing is that the more I take care of myself the more it seems my life is taken care for me.

I’ve been doing a lot with Orgasmic Meditation (OM) and while I love it, when it comes down to it, OM is a partnered practice.  With Masturbation Meditation you can have your practice solo.

For the last 3 years every May I’ve offered the 30 Day Self Pleasure Program for Masturbation Awareness Month.  This year I’m revamping it completely, adding all I’ve learned, and putting it together to present to you with a bow on top.

If you are interested in receiving the details as things develop Email me at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com and I’ll make sure you get all the insider info.

25 Year Old Virgin Couple Due To Vaginal Pain

Private coaching sessions are available via phone, webcam and in person.

For more information visit http://www.nikkilundberg.com/sex-coach-products-and-services/private-sessions/

There are many sexually conservative cultures throughout the world.  I work with you to observe your comfort levels and provide the most informative pleasurable experience possible.

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki Lundberg

 

 

A great resource for people suffering from Vaginismus is http://vaginismus.org/

Happy New Year!

I am super excited for 2014 because every year has gotten gotten better and better for me and 2013 was fricken amazing.  The last week was no exception…

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 1

I met with a couple who were visiting from out of town.  They had been looking online for a massage therapist and came across my site.  Seeing that in addition to offering massage I also offer sex coaching they set up an appointment with me.

They were very nervous.  Neither one of them had done anything like this before.  They were in their mid – 20s and were both virgins.  This was not by choice.  They had been in a committed relationship for several years but had several problems when it came time for penetrative sex.  This had caused their passion to wane and even though they had enjoyed oral sex in the past the fun had even left that because of their frustration.

When I arrived we discussed their situation and their histories.  They were both from a very conservative culture that didn’t allow for free sexual expression and experimentation.  They had never found someone to consult with.  They said they would be much more comfortable if I would be nude with them as they were very ashamed of all these issues and I offered it.  Seeing and being seen is the best way I’ve found to release shame.

I began with examining her.  She said she felt pain in her vagina.  I slowly examined from the outside starting with the abdomen and vulva asking all the time what her arousal level was.  When she reported that she was more than 50% aroused I began exploring her inner labia, clitoral hood and clitoris.  Still all pleasure – no pain.

While I was working with her the boyfriend asked if he was allowed to touch himself.  I said sure that it was normal and natural and this was an erotic situation.  He was surprised he wasn’t more physically aroused and I explained it was because even though this situation might be very close to the fantasies he held in his mind I was still keeping things fairly clinical.  I suggested he enjoy what was happening rather than judging it against what he thought should be happening.

Continuing my examination I began to slowly penetrate her vaginal opening (the entroitus).  Now the pain started.  Pinchy.  Burning.  Bad.  I got out some castor oil and applied it liberally to my finger and to her vulva.  Slowly – painfully slowly – I sunk my fingertip into her pussy.  The majority of the pain was strongest on the bottom.  I shifted the pressure to the top of the opening and that worked until I got to the second knuckle and then she felt pain there too.  I noticed that she would tense up periodically and I pointed out the signs to her boyfriend so he could tell when he need to slow down just by her non-verbal cues.

 

Improve Your Sex Life part 1

Give Your Sex Life A Fresh Start

sex pen n paper improve your sex lifeThe first step to improve your sex life is to acknowledge what has already happened.  This is the hard work that many of us try to avoid.

Taking stock of the current state of affairs and the past can be very helpful.  It can also be harmful.

Try the following two exercises:(tip: read all the suggestions first before starting)

  1. Get into your body.  Breath deeply and notice how you feel in the moment.
  2. With a pen and paper make a list of all the things that aren’t the way you want them to be in your sex life.  Acknowledge them.  Contrast brings clarity but only if you see it.
  3. Notice your physical sensations.  Notice when things feel bad in your body.  Avoid being too hard on yourself and dwelling in the negative.
  4. Be as objective as possible.  You are noticing and acknowledging, not judging.
  5. Release the negative feelings you have tied to these things.  The best way to do this is to take personal responsibility for your experience.  That gives you the power to change your future experiences.  If someone else seems to be to blame take a deep breath and look at how you might have put yourself in the position to be hurt.

Once you have completed the above exercise pause, breath, and move on to the next exercise.

It’s time to look at the positives.

  1. Make sure you’re in your body.
  2. Again with the pen and paper – write down all the things that are good/positive/going the way you want.
  3. Make this list as long as your first list and then add 5 more things.

This exercise will help you to develop an attitude of gratitude and will help you to operate on a higher vibration making it easier to attract and manifest those things that bring you pleasure.

Find someone to share these lists with.  If you can’t find someone you are welcome to send them to me.  Why?  Because being witnessed is the best way to release shame.  Chances are you have some shame around the things that didn’t go well.  By sharing them and putting the light of day on them their power diminishes.  You may also get great feedback that can aid in acknowledging and releasing the negativity!

A Fresh Start For Your Sex Life In 3 Steps

Fresh start in your sex lifeIt’s December and I love it when a new month starts!

I know we can start fresh anytime – and, for some reason turning to a new calendar month helps a little more. It’s like I mentally and emotionally loosen my energetic grip a bit.

Why would you want to start fresh?

Whether what’s happened before was good or was bad (in my judgement) it can take the power out of our present if we don’t release it.  If it was bad we can be dragged down by the negativity.  If it was good we could rest on our laurels and be under motivated in the present.  My November was mostly great personally and professionally and while that is exciting I also had a few things happen that I didn’t love.

By letting go of all that has happened previously and starting new I can open myself up to not only living in the present but also feeling my desire, benefiting from the energy of that desire, feeling the strength of my sex drive and libido, and make sure I’m on track with my sexual health and sexual progress.

There’s a saying

“If you live with one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow you’re pissing all over today”.

Is starting fresh a challenge?

If you are struggling with making a fresh start I have a few suggestions that might help the process.

  1. Acknowledge what has already happened.
  2. Find a way to release it.
  3. Fantasize and visualize how you want things to be.

I’ll be sharing more about each of these steps in the coming week so make sure to sign up for my newsletter by claiming your free vulva stimulation guide on the right=====>

Too Busy For Sex?

too busy for sex?  Sex Coach Nikki can helpI have been making some updates to this site the last couple of days and just realized that I haven’t written a blog post for over 2 months.  Unbelievable!  I mean, I get lots of satisfaction from writing.  It helps with all kinds of things – helping people, SEO, creating community, etc. yet I went without.

Why?

I was too busy.

I kept putting it off.  I forgot about it.  When I did think of it the time wasn’t right.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  You put off something you know you like and benefit from due to seemingly good reasons and before you knew it a very long time has passed?

This happens a lot with sex and intimacy.  The obstacles are different for different people but the result is the same – a feeling of having missed out.  Other feelings are overwhelm at the prospect of getting started up again, embarrassment or shame for for having dropped the ball, anger and resentment at self for failing… lots of negatives.

Acknowledge and move on.

As much as every day can be a new beginning, so can every hug, every show of affection, every kind word.  Do what you need to do to start over.

Having a hard time with that?  That’s where someone like me comes in.  Find someone to talk to that can help you process through the crap and start fresh.  Someone who can help you identify your story or programming and break it up if it’s not working for you.

That’s the process I’m going through now with all my websites.  I’m grateful I don’t have to do that with my sex and sexuality (this time).

Vulva Victory!

human vulva

Source: http://www.gghospital.in/Normalreproduction.htm

The word vulva means the outside portion of a woman’s vagina.

The word victory is defined as:

1: the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist

2: achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties

I think many of us approach pussies as something to overcome or master.  Many struggles and difficulties come along with the potential for pleasure.

In my video on female ejaculation I talk about how one of my intentions with that class was model how to discuss and communicate about giving and receiving pleasure.  By listening to the class and seeing the demonstration and my interaction with my model the participants were able to get the words they needed to explore female pleasure.

In the video I talk about taking time.  Stimulate the woman’s entire body.  When you do head toward her vagina go from the outside in.  Start with the mons, the part right above the pussy (vulva) and below the belly.  Start with light touch, grazing the surface.  If there’s hair play with it stimulating the follicles.  Communicate with her throughout about what she does and doesn’t like.  Different amounts of pressure will affect different nerves.  Slowly go deeper.

Pubic Symphysis

Source: http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/Pregnancy/Symphysis-Pubis-Dysfunction-%28SPD%29&page=4

Directly below the mons is the pubic symphysis and hip bones.  For many women it feels good to get massaged firmly in this area because there are a lot of ligaments attached.  It can be sexually stimulating because the ligaments are holding the uterus and other pelvic muscles in place so as you are relaxing and massaging the attachments your are indirectly stimulating the clitoris.

More about the clitoris and it’s reach in my next article.

Female Ejaculation DVD

Today I am meeting with the DVD duplication company.  There is a lot more to producing a DVD than I realized!  Today I will be giving him my edited videos of the female squirting orgasm class plus 2 or 3 pieces of video that show female ejaculation.  Then they will make the master DVD with the menu and every thing.  Turns out it will need to be a 2 DVD set because I have so much content!

The price might go up after my consultation with him.  Right now I have the retail price set for $39.95.

I am offering an early bird pre-order special that ends tonight at midnight of $19.95 + S&H.

Sign up below to get the purchase info

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Feeling Alone In Your Relationship?

Stop Feeling Alone In Your Relationship
Happy Young Couple

I know what it’s like to be feeling alone in your relationship.  I experience that when I’m afraid.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk openly and freely with my partner.  I become afraid that if I share what is going on inside that I will lose my relationship.  As the pain and disconnection becomes worse I finally realize my truths again:

  • That I don’t want my relationship if that is how it is going to be and become open to change.
  • I often base my expectations of his reactions on reactions I’ve seen from other people in the past.  For example: my mother shared something with my father and he was explosively angry.  My partner is not explosive – ever – and I forget that.
  • I guess what his reaction will be when I really don’t know what it will be.  I really like the solution Cynthia has given in Step 3.
  • I underestimate the power of our love and commitment to each other.  Usually, once we’ve talked in a positive way, when we’ve both seen each others point of view, we are able to work things out win-win.

I read this and just had to share!  If you’re feeling alone in your relationship use this process please let me know how it worked for you.  I prescribe similar things but I love how Cynthia has laid it out.

Experiencing Intimacy: Overcoming The Aloneness In Your Relationship

By Cynthia Belmer

Our intimate relationship with our significant other is a mirror of how we feel about ourselves and in life in general. Many of us face challenges opening up to our partners and talking about things that scare us the most in the relationship. When we are in this situation, a feeling of disconnection arises, and the mind makes a list of judgments of why we should keep some strict boundaries with our loved one. Little do we know how much we are damaging our relationship and how we are giving so much more power to our fear of intimacy.

A fear of Intimacy, often brings us to a situation where we get taken over by our emotions such as anger, feeling resentful for not getting what we need, being scared of getting hurt over and over again and being attached that we are right. Many just give up working through these challenges and walk away from the relationship, some others continue on sabotaging and pushing their loved one away. What we miss to realize is that the only way out from feeling stuck in this emotional disconnection is to turn towards the pain instead of turning away. Knowing that it is okay to be vulnerable with our partner and choosing to let them understand our pain without being scared of losing ourselves.

This moment of awareness brings us to the state of experiencing freedom, fearlessness and becoming a brave warrior: When we look at the problem or fear and move towards and beyond it; when we sit with it until we become so familiar and comfortable with it; when we talk about it openly and let our partner understand how we feel, let him/her help us and be there for us. Being intimate with ourselves through our emotions and fears, we allow ourselves to experience being fully human and we provide space for our partner to be closer to our heart and part of our lives.

So, if you are someone who is facing challenges opening up to your partner, below are some steps that might help you initiating an open and loving conversation:

Step 1: Meditate on the problem you are facing

Think through your problem first. Sit with your feeling and try to understand it a little bit deeper (If you are having hard time understanding it, that’s okay, it’s very normal and eventually you’ll get there). Try to understand what comes up for you in terms of feelings, emotions and write them down without any judgment.

Step 2: Understand why it is important for you to tell your partner about your feelings

This step is very important because it identifies the problem and helps you understand your wants and your needs.

Step 3: Use your imagination positively

Take a moment and visualize how would it feel like to have told your partner about this problem. What beautiful feelings come up in your heart? Where do you feel it in your body? Write your visualization, your feelings and read them over and over again.

Step 4: Schedule an official meeting

Send a meeting invitation to your partner and mention that you need their full attention. I found this to work really well especially to get the partner’s attention and to get them to be fully present.

Step 5: Ask for your needs

Before you discuss the topic, tell your partner how important it is for you to feel supported and heard during the meeting. Check-in with them to see if this is something they feel they can do. The answer is 99% of the time is yes or I will try!

Step 6: Turn your focus towards your heart and discuss the problem

Talk about what is going on whether it was in your life or in your relationship. What is your heart feeling? What does he need? If this is something related to your relationship, focus only on how you feel and not on all the things that are going wrong or the mistakes that the person is making. Remember, the meeting is about YOU!

Step 7: Request your wants

“Ask” your partner to show care and affection when you are done talking and state
how you would like to them to help you in this journey. What do you really want from them? What do you need to feel better?

Being close to our partner is so warming, loving and peaceful that it’s hard sometimes to navigate through a problem that keeps us distant. Turning towards our pain and fear does not mean that it will be very easy for us to open up, but it’s a step closer to find a way in towards our relationship instead of a way out. This is the pathway towards inner freedom, unconditional love and being a human being fully and naturally. Otherwise, we will keep pushing intimacy away over and over again until we finally surrender.

 

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