Coming Out As Polyamorous

infinity heartMy husband and I began living a polyamorous lifestyle in spring of 2013. We are consensually non-monogamous. We both date casually as well as carrying on serious romantic commitments with others. We agree to always let each other know where we are, to make sure our daughter is taken care of as a team, and to use condoms of vaginal and anal penetration unless otherwise agreed upon.

Things weren’t always this way. We married in 2004 and set about fitting into our roles of husband and wife. This included monogamy. The journey from there to here has been full of struggles and surprises and I know my experience can shed some light on your path – not to help you avoid the growing pains but to support you in moving through them and alchemizing them into success.

In life we experience many continuums – in numbers, health, and economics to name a few. Sexuality and gender identity also operate on a continuum. For example, people can identify anywhere from 100% homosexual to 100% heterosexual, from 100% cisgender to 100% transgender, and from 100% monogamous to 100% open/polyamorous. Where people land on the spectrum as individuals is not always a fixed point and for some people this point of identification may be more fluid than for others.

It is all well and good to know about the different ways a person can identify intellectually but when you or someone you know are working through the process of self-identification practically it can be very challenging for them and all those around them. Love, tolerance, acceptance and approval are values that are the most useful in these situations. Also very important are good communication, honesty and healthy boundaries.

I have found there are 2 times the process of identification is the most painful. One is when you are going through and figuring things out for yourself and your experience isn’t lining up with what you want or expect it to be. The other is when someone you are in a relationship with changes how they identify and their new location on the continuum in incompatible in the current configuration of your relationship.

Both are heart wrenching in different ways but some of the same solutions will work for both problems. In the upcoming blogs I will share about my personal journey, what I learned and how you can apply it in your own life.

My Climax

May is masturbation monthI started masturbating very young, realizing that it felt good to put pressure and friction “down there”. There was a time when I started to notice climax. And then I started experimenting with penetration.

As I became sexually active I continued to masturbate.  I only noticed climax during masturbation.  I never used anything battery operated (vibrators felt tickly or painful). The only porn I used was the promo magazines for the “dancers to you” that are free here in Vegas.

In my early 20’s I began to use erotica.  I began to feel when I had a climax during partner sex.

In my late 20’s I began to use porn online.  With a small child and a new business achieving climax as fast as possible was the goal.

As a sex educator I began to experiment with different vibrating devices – rabbits, bullets, Hitachis. I don’t generally use them but I did experiment with them. I also learned all I could about pleasure and arousal and climax and what it means to be in an orgasmic state.

The older I’ve gotten the more pleasure I’ve been able to experience and the longer it has taken me to have a clitoral climax.

This last time takes the cake though. Almost 2 weeks. To have a climax.

I’m truly re-evaluating my relationship with climax right now. It seems that as I’ve become more and more mindful of what makes my body feel good the more pleasure I experience. I have been in an orgasmic state time and time again during these last 2 weeks – either by masturbation, orgasmic meditation, or partner sex – but feeling good and orgasmic did not include climax.

Even though I’m practicing mindful masturbation and focusing on sensation only I did try using erotica and porn a couple of times because I truly desired a release (old habits are hard to break) but even those did not push me over the edge.

What does this mean? I feel like now that my pussy is awake she cannot go back to sleep. She is enjoying all the attention and pleasure. Maybe it’s just now that I’ve been able to truly approach sex and pleasure without a goal or agenda.

Whatever it is, I’m grateful for all I know, for all the pleasure I’ve experienced and for the big climax I had last night.

To find out about waking your genitals up and experiencing more pleasure check out my 30 day Pleasure eCourse – on sale for May because it’s National Masturbation Month! 

Cultivating Pleasure

Cultivate Pleasure With Sex Coach NikkiTo cultivate is to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill).  In what ways do you cultivate yourself?  Are you mindful about what you do in preparation of receiving what you desire?  Do you have conscious daily practices in place?

In the past these concepts were foreign to me.  I knew about wanting to have a better life.  I knew that I had to do something different than my parents if I wanted a different experience.  But I had no idea where to start.  I was open to suggestions…  and that’s when I started on my journey.

I learned ways to let go of what I already knew so I could embrace new ideas and beliefs.  I became willing to try new things, to play and experiment, and to push to the edge of my comfort zone often.

Things that worked were honesty, positivity, creativity, and exploration.  During this process I learned new skills, picked up new habits and ultimately began to take on higher level practices.  These are all bringing me what I desire and preparing me for even more!

Here is a list of practices I do on a regular basis – if not daily – that cultivate me for the life I desire.

  • fellowship
  • Orgasmic Meditation
  • Masturbation Meditation
  • exercise
  • mindfully eat whole food
  • journal
  • immerse myself in learning environments
  • have family time
  • play

What’s amazing is that the more I take care of myself the more it seems my life is taken care for me.

I’ve been doing a lot with Orgasmic Meditation (OM) and while I love it, when it comes down to it, OM is a partnered practice.  With Masturbation Meditation you can have your practice solo.

For the last 3 years every May I’ve offered the 30 Day Self Pleasure Program for Masturbation Awareness Month.  This year I’m revamping it completely, adding all I’ve learned, and putting it together to present to you with a bow on top.

If you are interested in receiving the details as things develop Email me at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com and I’ll make sure you get all the insider info.

Life, Sex, Business And Orgasmic Meditation

Woooh!  What a year! I can’t believe how much time has passed since my lost blog post.  I’ve taken time to focus on other things and now I’m better than ever!  I did not stop working with people around sex and sexuality.  In fact, I held more classes and worked with more clients than ever before.

-Also-

Sex Coach Nikki Onetaste Certified Coach and Advance Orgasmic Meditation TrainerI got certified as an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Orgasmic Life Coach.

Yeah.  It’s kind of a big deal.  I traveled from Las Vegas to New York once a month for 10 months to immerse myself into the content of Orgasmic Meditation.  I experienced things that have left me sensitive in ways I never knew possible.

Now that has ended and I have taken some recovery time to figure out the direction I am going.  And I get to share about it with you here.

In gratitude.

Moms And Masturbation

Yes, hate to break it to you, but we moms do masturbate. While we might hate to think about our own mothers masturbating studies have found that pregnant women masturbate more and women in general tend to masturbate more as they get older.

I’m a mom. I’m grateful for mindful masturbation and wish I had known about it at a younger age. Sometimes I still use it as a stress reliever, a sleep inducer, and a pleasurable distraction from my responsibilities. To be able to steal that time away for myself is a treat and something I’m not always willing to give myself.

Things that stop moms like me from masturbating are lack of time, lack of privacy, guilt for not sharing my sex, and sheer exhaustion. I’m lucky to have made a life that incorporates my sex and sexuality and I think that gives me more opportunities and motivation to experience pleasure both alone and with partners. Before my life became what it is I rarely masturbated. Women can forget how good the pleasure feels. This is also a contributing factor of many women becoming asexual.

Do a favor for the hot mom in your life and see if there’s a way you can give her some quality alone time focused on self pleasure. If this mom happens to be your partner believe me – you won’t regret it. Masturbation can re-awaken desire in women and help them to share their sex with you. Approach it with an attitude of wanting them to experience the most pleasure possible even if that means it has to be without you. By being supportive in this way you will reap the rewards that come from being an understanding and supportive partner. Rewards that might even include a little mutual pleasure:)

Practice

practicePractice
prac•tice noun
1. habitual or customary performance; operation
2. habit; custom
3. repeated performance or systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring skill or proficiency
4. condition arrived at by experience or exercise
5. the action or process of performing or doing something
6. the exercise or pursuit of a profession or occupation, especially law or medicine
7. the business of a professional person

This is the word on my mind this morning as I think about what I am inspired to share with you today. I want to practice coaching. I went to an immersion weekend where I learned a lot about coaching and I’m aching to practice what I’ve learned. It’s the same ache that inspires me to learn more and more about sex and pleasure. It’s the ache – the desire – that motivates me to reach out and be as effective and productive as I can be.

I began the adventure of entrepreneurship 10 years ago. I began my sexual adventures 6 years ago. 4 years ago I fused the two as I experienced two things:

1. I needed a business based on my true passion
2. People are in a lot of pain around sex and sexuality and could use some help

Working with a mentor was key for my growth. Having someone to put their full exquisite attention on me and my life who had “been there and done that” is invaluable. This is what I’ve wanted to do for others – to be able to go deeper and have a stronger connection so they can manifest their desires.

desireNow I’m in a program that is teaching me some amazing coaching techniques. But like a dream, as time moves me further away from my class some of the things I learned are wafting and evaporating away. I feel a sense of urgency to practice what I learned ASAP.

Do you have an ache – a desire – that needs some exquisite nourishing attention? Do you need someone to put their finger on the just the right spot, to hold you or stimulate you according to the direction you are moving in?

I am at your service.

red line

Sex Coach NikkiHere’s my offer:

20 minute telephone sessions for $47 –
• limit 2 sessions per person
• can be used together or separately
• valid for one year
• includes a recording of the call

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20 minute video chat session for $57 –
• limit 2 sessions per person
• can be used together or separately
• valid for one year
• includes a recording of the chat

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My Masturbation Awareness

As a kid I began my masturbation as I explored my vagina in the privacy of my own room.  I experienced more and more pleasure and I first identified my orgasm at around 10 or 11 years old.  After making out with a boy who penetrated me with his finger I started experimenting with internal stimulation.  That was where my masturbation practice stayed until my mid twenties.  I experimented with vibrators and found them to be too intense and more of a distraction than helpful.  I also started exploring anal stimulation during my solo sessions once a partner tried anal sex with me during partner sex.

I almost always masturbated during partner sex – I found out through masturbation that it was only through direct clitoral stimulation that I was able to reach orgasm (or so I thought).   I would masturbate if I was tired and wanted to fall asleep quickly.  I would masturbate if I was horny.  When I began my journey as a sex educator I started to masturbate for new reasons – to know myself more deeply, to learn new things sexually and to meditate.

The masturbation meditation that I have practiced has provided some amazing insights both for myself and for those I have worked with.  Through direct hands on practice we can intimately learn our own anatomy of pleasure and how to have a deeper and more expanded experience of that pleasure.  We can work through issues we have with ourselves around sex, love, intimacy and image as lightning speed.  We reach a new level of self knowledge that allows us to communicate much more effectively with our lovers.

By having masturbation meditation as a practice I was able to learn how to improve my sex muscles.  This allowed my orgasms to become stronger.  With continued practice I was able to identify more subtle peaks, climaxes and orgasms in my body and enjoy a broader spectrum of pleasure.  I also learned how to ejaculate.

Meditation had never been a strong point in my life.  I had desire for it but it wasn’t until I joined a class that had daily masturbation meditation as part of the curriculum that I was able to have the consistency I craved.  Doing it with the teachers leading and the other students sharing experiences gave me the structure and the payoff that I needed to stick with it.  Some of them went on to keep it as a daily practice after the course. 0 I did it daily for the course which was 2 months long and after that sporadically.

That 2 month experience changed my sex for the better.  I found not only through direct personal experience but also through the experiences of my classmates that deep and profound progress could be made in the areas of overcoming sexual dysfunction, increasing sexual pleasure, smoothing emotions and opening the spirit.  That is why I have made it one of the bedrocks of my sex education programs.  The power of sexual healing in real and we all hold it in our own hands.

As Masturbation Awareness Month approaches I will be sharing more about how you can get these same benefits in your life.

Click Here to find out about the upcoming 30 Day Self Pleasure Program

 

 

 

Bondage And Sensation Play Session Recap From Sex Coach Nikki

Adding sensation play to love making sessions can increase the intensity of your time together. Bondage and blindfolding will increase a partner’s vulnerability and help them to be focused on the sensations in their body. Make sure to keep it fun and interesting using a variety of objects and types of touch.  If you’re interested in learning how to incorporate this just ask me, Sex Coach Nikki.  Also, feel free to check out www.NikkisLessons.com.

Below is the transcript in case you’d rather read it:)

 

here’s a recap from a session with a
friend
focused on sensation play basically
it was all focused on sensation play
and focused on the pleasure
side the spectrum so
we didn’t use any safe word nothing like
that
we just agreed that if there was
something happening that he didn’t love
that I would stop and
we would we would talk about it.
That never happened because I go very
slow
and I was able to just be in tune with
him
I definitely did stretch his boundaries so
that was
a huge pleasure so I’m going to
now show you some of the things I used and
let you see what you think so here we are
in my session room after my
session here I am
(laughing)
this is the bed we were on
and first thing I did was I
tied him up gentlyin my restraints and
we used the velcro straps
put him onto the edges the
bed
so just loosely bound
very comfortable spread eagle and I
had
the blindfold on him and
you know this is someone who normally
is entirely
in a highlevel of
stress very much ahead take charge
kind of person
so for him to give up the
control is big deal it’s really big
deal
and I felt honored that he would do it in
and it was great
it’s really good to take away the site
because it just made him that much more
vulnerable an outofcontrol
and more focused on sensations in his
body
so is it made it more intense so some
of the things I used
we started out soft with
the
feather duster here and then we went
on to this belt I ran this belt
over him over his body first soft then I took it and
I gave him little taps for the sensation of
the impact
and I took this it’s a little bit more
serious
belt stiffer and again I ran it over his
body
and then just with the tip did
some impact play so that was nice
name use this flogger know this flogger
very soft its suede and
when you just set down there’s no pain to
it
mean I did some brushing
then we got a little bit more
on the impact side of things with this
now this is actually some metal on the
and of this flogger and I did some brushing
slow and fast and then some little impact on his
nipples and genitals
its really intense when all that was
done
I got out the vibrator
and it’s not plugged in right now so you can’t hear the
vibration but between that and the lube
I got on top of him
and while he was working
to pleasure me I
was playing with him with a vibrator
and it was really nice because he was
totally you know outta control and
and basically experienced
an orgasm of a type that he’s never felt
before
because of his situation where he was
spread eagle
it was like he
couldn’t work he couldn’t make it happen
when that orgasm came it was
completely
the kind of orgasm where he was
letting go he couldn’t
clinch his muscles he couldn’t bear down
he can’t work harder to make it happen
and he actually
he came uncontrollably with a huge huge
amount
of ejaculate it was very hot
and I think because of the type to
orgasm it was he didn’t feel
you know spent and tired afterward and
actually
wasn’t done done and I was able to then
get the massage oil
and I’ve been using olive
oil and I’ve been using the lemon
also it’s very refreshing and smells good it
feels good
and I was able to just massage his
entire thighs groin
and we even played a little bit more
after that
yeah very nice
very nice and I just had to share with
you
alright well I hope you enjoy this and
let me know if you have any questions I’d
be happy to answer them

 

Masturbation Coaching For Slow Sex

When trying something new as a couple it’s ideal for both to get coaching together.  Also, the habits of each persons solo sex will effect the couple’s partner sex.

Couples Sex Coach Session For Christmas Part 3

masturbation coaching sex coaching for conservative couples Sex Coach Nikki LundbergHe lay on the bed on his back and I sat between his knees.  We talked about his masturbation habits and techniques.   He masturbates several times a week using porn.  I saw how he was touching himself while I was working with his girlfriend.  He used a strong grip and aggressive jacking motions.  I explained that not many pussies would be able to re-create that type of intense stimulation.  He would need to change his habits in order to become sensitized for the gentler feeling of vaginal penetration.  Even for anal sex where the sphincter is tighter he will need to go slowly at first and that could make his erection wane.  On top of all that they want to use condoms for birth control and since condoms can also decrease sensation he needed to get his cock more sensitive to subtle stimulation.

Using my hand and lube I gently massaged his cock somewhat simulating the way a pussy would feel.  He was not able to become fully erect because the lack of stimulation – both visual and physical.  That’s the other thing about having the habit of using pornography to masturbate – partner sex is usually not as visually sensational.  A person may have no problem becoming aroused and climaxing with porn but with their partner they may be unable to and this is why.  I explained to him that not only does he need to become more sensitive to gentler stimulation but he also needs to become more in touch with his body and physical stimulation in general so he won’t be reliant upon visual stimulation.  I asked him if he had ever done PC muscle exercises and he said no.  I explained that with strong pelvic floor muscles he could consciously pump more blood into his dick and his erection would also be stronger and thicker.

In light of all this information I suggested he enroll in my 30 day self pleasure program which outlines a routine for becoming more sensate focused and strengthening the PC muscles.

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To find out about the 30 Day Self Pleasure Program visit http://www.nikkilundberg.com/30-day-self-pleasure-program/