Are you stressed out because you or your partner don’t have enough time for true intimacy and connection? As a sex coach I hear about it all the time from people who attend my classes – their sex is great, when they get to have it. They make the time to do something special together here and there (like go to my class) but they never make the time to practice what they learned in the class. I’ve found that time management tools can work just as well for having an abundant sex life as they do for being productive in business.
Cultivate your mindset so you can have more sexy time.
The first thing to change is your mindset. There is a prayer I often say when I’m trying something new, “Please help me set aside everything I know and everything I think I know so that I may have an open mind for a new experience.” The more you repeat ‘I don’t have time’ the more you won’t have time. Let that thought go and think instead ‘how can I find time?’. Then your brain will go to work finding time do have erotic practices and sex.
Get tools to help you make time for your inner sexy beast.
Next, you need tools. The thinking that got you into this situation will not get you out of it. Below is a sign up box to get a chapter of my book for free that has lots of ideas about how to make more time in your life – not only for sex but for your entire quality of life. Just think – with better time management habits you could become more focused and productive, finally have a way to do things you’ve been putting off, and even be more available for friends and family when they need you.
Be easy on your sexy self.
Making changes is never easy, even when they are good ones. Know that by reading articles like this and checking new things out means you are on the right path and chances are you are doing more than most. Keep that momentum going and sign up for the free chapter. You will get some other tools and goodies as well to guide you on your path of erotic exploration. If after reading it and using the other tools I send you things are still tough then definitely consider going to couples counseling , a sex therapist or using a sex coach to support you.
Romance is the most tender part of many people’s lives and often the most difficult to talk about. This is where we can feel most vulnerable – not only personally but also as a unit with our loves (both family and romantic). We feel like we have so much judgement on ourselves and others – usually negative judgement – it’s easiest to ignore any issues or problems. People also share about this area the least because we don’t want it to negatively affect people we are with.
I have valuable and powerful experiences with relationships and polyamory that I can share. I often draw on my own life experiences when I’m coaching rather than theory. I also work well with people who are seeing therapists for couples counseling. Working in a triad (you, me and your therapist) is a powerful approach for better communication in your relationship.
Here is a personal example: I’m talking with my boyfriend about the possibility of dating other men and how that would look. I recognize my programming around relationships all supports monogamy. Monogamy is like the default and the way of least resistance – easy to fall into and not think. However, it’s not honest for me to try to make a monogamous relationship work – to make it conform to meet my needs. It’s important to have integrity with myself and live in a way that supports me and those around me as much as possible. Just because I identify as polyamorous doesn’t mean that in practice I am honoring that part of myself.
When I work with people I help them identify their beliefs and programing and to consider if those beliefs are serving them. I guide them to look at behaviors and reactions that come from running on auto-pilot and look for ways to be more awake, aware and conscious. This is how I support people to make decisions from a place of love vs. a place of unconsciousness.
Send me an email if you would like to talk about working through some of your beliefs and programming so you can make decisions that keep you in integrity with yourself.
Connection and wanting to feel connected are high on everyone’s list. These are also potential benefits of mindful masturbation!
How does this happen?
When you create a mindful masturbation practice (with or without masturbation coaching) you begin to sensitize yourself to more subtle physical stimulation. Part of sensitizing yourself is improving your attention (both the quality of your attention as well as the quantity or span). This sensitivity to subtle sensations and improved attention shows up in all areas of your life. You will be more likely to pick up on subtle cues and clues from those around you to know what they are trying to communicate and how they are feeling.
If you are interested in working with a sex coach online or a sex coach in Las Vegas you should set up an exploratory session with Sex Coach Nikki. Exploratory sessions are free. Email her at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com or text her at 702.674.6606 to schedule a time for an initial chat.
Although Nikki is not a licensed sex therapist working with her is very therapeutic and could have many benefits for your sex life and your sexual health. She coaches in person, over the phone and on skype. Masturbation coaching is her favorite tool! Masturbation done mindfully and with purpose can help improve libido, give you control over premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation, lead to becoming multi-orgasmic, ease pain during sex (for both genders) as well as make your solo sex life more satisfying and give you the capacity to feel more connected to the people around you.
Guys – Are you having a hard time getting it up or keeping it up in a group sex situation? If so this is totally normal and something you can work through.
As a sex coach and swinger I know that for many people the thought or desire to be in a group sex situation can be very erotic. The challenge is that we usually don’t have many situations like this in our real life so we can be surprised how challenging it is to actually take advantage of these situations when they arise. I have many people come to my classes extremely excited about the group practice time only to be frustrated because it doesn’t work out they way they thought.
It is possible to work through this. Most things we do are habitual and if you have a habit of having sex in one or two ways it may be difficult to enjoy sex in other ways or circumstances. In order to work through this you need to practice getting to know your body better and following erotic energy more than using a set pattern that you know will work to bring you to climax. That set pattern will not work under all circumstances whereas following the erotic energy will.
Because erotic energy is subtle and body based many of us need to practice sensing it in order to have access to it. This is where I come in as a sex coach.
I work with you to become more mindful in your solo sex or partner sex activities.
I will witness you in solo or partner sex if that seems to be beneficial to reaching your sexological goals.
I’m able to accompany you to swinger clubs to coach you in real time to feel the flow of erotic energy in a group setting.
To be clear – I do not masturbate or have sex with you. I do not touch you in any of these circumstances. I guide you verbally in ways that will help you to key in to the flow of erotic energy. Through exercises and homework practices I teach you to become more and more sensitive to the subtle sensations that feel so so good.
Email or text me to set up a time to talk about working with me so you can enjoy group sex situations to their fullest!
P.S. I work with people from around the world as an online sex coach. With the telephone and skype there are few limitations. For people in Las Vegas I’m happy to provide in person sex coaching. Also a disclaimer – although working with me can be very therapeutic I am not a sex therapist or marriage counselor. If there are issues beyond my area of expertise I will require that you seek treatment from the appropriate professionals in order to get the most out of our work together.
To bridge the gap between the masculine “how” and the feminine “what”. I’ve suggested this tool to several clients over the last couple weeks with great success.
Many of us are verbally abusive or violent with our partners and we don’t even realize it. We dominate, manipulate, and give guilt trips in order to communicate how we feel. We can use passive aggressiveness, aggressive aggressiveness, sarcasm, stonewalling and more to try to convey when we are upset.
Usually, this causes the other person to become defensive, and we all know the best defense is a good offense. So they strike back at us, verbally, and the situation escalates. If this was happening with physical violence we would never tolerate it. Since it’s verbal though many of us turn a blind eye.
I don’t agree with everything taught in Non Violent Communication but I think a lot of it is useful. Often times people have a really hard time getting vulnerable and sharing what is really going on. It may have been so long that there is barely any trust left with their partner. This is a feminine and messy and can be really hard to reach. The structure in the Non Violent Communication gives a masculine container to use to express our emotions and wild feminine vulnerability.
If you are having a difficult time expressing feelings and being vulnerable definitely check this site out for some resources.
Have you ever wondered about how to do a really deep clean inside for anal play? Well, in this video I am going to talk about one way to do a deeper Enema or a higher Enema. I am sex coach Nikki and we are here in the bathroom and I’m going to show you one way, I know there is probably other ways and this is the thing, there is a lot of controversy around high Enemas, whether they are really necessary, whether they are good for you or bad for you and what I have to say is that I like to do it when I’m going to be with one of my partners because they are very specific. They have a very sensitive nose, they don’t want any waste or mess because it totally turns them off and puts them out of the mood.
So, I have to do more than the basic little fleet Enema, I have to do the entire – anything that can be coming out in the next few couple of hours basically cleaning up higher in to my gut. So, this is how I figured out how to do it, I’m sure other people have other ways maybe even better ways. But basically what I do is – we have this, the shower head so, you know, if you have this type of shower at home it’s worthy investment if you’re doing for this purpose. And you unscrew this part, okay I’m trying to be down in here, and then there is a little washer, so you want to be careful not to lose the washer which is right there, okay. So, then the first part is you are going to make sure that the water is lukewarm so you don’t wanted to be cold because you don’t want your muscles to have contractions and seize up. But you don’t want to get too hot because you can burn easily you are dealing with very sensitive tissue.
And you put the pressure on to just a steady pressure not a hard pressure and you can put it up to your anus and you can kind of control the flow even with your anus. So, you don’t want to put too hard but also hard enough to go in and then once you are full to the point where you feel like you need to evacuate then you can evacuate. Now, this can be done in couple of ways, personally I prefer to get out and use a toilet because I – that’s my preference but I know other people who don’t care and they will just go straight in the tub and wash it down the drain. It won’t hurt the plumbing as long as the opening can handle, you know, some volume. And you just keep doing that until what comes out is clear.
So, what happens is it pass the anus is the rectum. So, the rectum is what holds the fecal matter right before it comes out of the anus. Then there is another – there is a twist in your, like right in here there is a twist, well if you can see that and it goes to the left and there is a – that’s where fecal matter get stored in your large intestine. So, your large intestine go starts here, goes to the left, goes around up and across and down, okay so that’s all large intestine right there.
So, as you are playing – when you do the fleet Enema like I said in my other video you put it in and let it out like maybe three times or so. Once that’s clear that’s good to go. But if you’re doing extended play or you have a sensitive partner like I do then you will need to put more water so that whatever is like in this area here, the large intestine can also be stimulated to come down and be passed out and cleansed out. So, once that starts coming out clear then I do a couple of things first of all and wait because of course water when it’s up here might take time to work its way backed down and also I play with myself. So, this is also a very pleasurable process if you like anal stimulation and I play with myself and I make sure like there is nothing that’s going to be wanting to come out once it gets like I start moving my body and enjoying that. So, I’ll be videotaping that also for my Nikki’s Lessons website but I’ll just be putting on, you know, the PG stuff here on YouTube.
Alright, yeah that’s it and then once you are thinking you are done you want to check with a toy and play with it and see and if you feel like you’re having problems another thing to do is once you, one of the times when you’re full of water is to squat down when you bear down. And that can press even more out and then another thing that I found helpful is actually soaping up my finger and putting my finger inside and cleaning it up inside in the pelvic floor with my finger and I can actually feel the muscles working and I can see like, like some backed up water that gets like toward the tailbone side will come out when I do that.
So, I know what kind of goes [Soundbite of laughing] – so it’s only preparation for an intense amazing anal sex. So, if I think of anything else that I could share here in YouTube than I will definitely continue this video, otherwise make it a sexy day.
The “Art Of Anal Pleasure” class was AMAZING. We had a full house and 2 amazing demonstration models. One was a gentleman who was a very experienced anal player who got to have his limits stretched by having an audience view his play. The second was a beautiful mature woman who on the outside seemed so sweet and innocent but once she got naked and I had my strap-on in place she was voracious! I was able to demonstrate all the anal positions I know with her. Everyone learned something new and a good time was had by all. I look forward to Anal August:)
All male therapists at this spa:)
I went to Bali for the end of April to attend a women’s retreat. It was transformational. Without the hustle and bustle of everyday life I was able to feel into some deep desires. Several came up. Here are some:
to work with more people as a sex coach over the phone and over skype
to work with more women in a healing capacity – helping with painful sex and numbness
to partner up with other professionals so I can have company when I’m working
to have more fun in my business
I’m so happy to be back home. I love love love so many things here in Vegas – my family, my business… I definitely missed it all.
Did you know that there are not any sex toy stores in Bali, Indonesia? I did not until I was looking for one. I was going to indulge in buying a new sex toy – part of the the point of the retreat was self care so I wanted to make sure to take care of myself sexually as well – and no one could help me. I finally found out that it wasn’t legal in Bally.
So when we had a free day I sought out a happy ending massage:) Actually, I’d already gotten a few massages (they are only $15 an hour there) but none of the girls would go there with me. I was finally able to get some relief when I went to an all male therapist place. I had this 25 year old island boy and he was very good at taking direction:) I felt MUCH better after that.
Happy Masturbation Month!!!
Yup, May is masturbation month. It’s something I love personally and professionally. Professionally it’s one of the most important tools I use in my sex coaching. There are many things you can incorporate into masturbation that will have a therapeutic benefit to either overcome sexual dysfunction or expand a person’s experience of pleasure. I’m truly enjoying the work I do with people that includes masturbation coaching. It creates a deep connection very quickly and that helps us move through issues powerfully and completely.
Email Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com to more information on sex coaching and masturbation coaching.
Delayed ejaculation is also known as retarded ejaculation or impaired ejaculation. This is whenever is it taking you longer than you would like to ejaculate and you are frustrated. You may also be getting tired or sore from sex or masturbation before you ejaculate. Some people constantly experience their partners frustration since they haven’t cum yet and they are tired or sore.
There are many possible causes for delayed ejaculation both physical and mental.
My approach is to work with you to review your sex history and together uncover beliefs and thoughts that might be affecting you. Optionally I witness your masturbation practice in a way that releases shame and can show me where you might make some changes in your physical practice.
You will experience more pleasure from your body, have improved confidence and experience deeper satisfaction by the time we are finished working together.
Email me to set up a time to talk so we can see if we would be a good fit Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com
There are a TON of benefits to be had from masturbation and you can exponentially increase how many you experience by practicing mindful masturbation. My favorite benefit is stress relief. Our daily lives are filled with stress from many sources and with masturbation you can use erotic energy to move the stress through and out of your body.
For more information about mindful masturbation and the masturbation coaching I offer send me an email at Nikki@NikkiLundberg.com Let me know what you’re interests are and we can schedule a time for a quick chat to see if we would be a good fit for working together
I invite you to celebrate masturbation month with me by trying something new and letting me know how it works out. If you are interested in the therapeutic benefits even better. I love sexual healing! While I am not a licensed therapist my methods are very therapeutic. I truly enjoy being a masturbation coach because I get to co-create with my clients and be with them on the journey as they experience rapid improvement. The point is not that people need to learn how to masturbate – it’s that they can use certain masturbation skills and techniques to overcome common sexual dysfunction and to expand their experience of pleasure.
The hardest part of “coming out” was to acknowledge and accept that I am not monogamous to myself. I felt a lot of judgment for myself because of the stories/programming/conditioning I had around what monogamy and non-monogamy meant. Their meaning didn’t match up to my definition of self and that meant I was going to be out of integrity with myself – and for me that is like being in purgatory. I have to be right with myself first or nothing else works.
Here are the characteristics that came with monogamy according to my conditioning: a person who is monogamous is caring, loyal, loving, dependable, reliable, humble, trustworthy. They are able to put the needs of the many before the needs of the individual and therefore are also more generous, fair and civil minded than others. These characteristics would also manifest in every other area of their life so that a monogamous person will also have a great work ethic, contribute to society, always take care of their own family and so on and so forth.
On the other hand, I had the belief that the characteristics of a non-monogamous person: dishonest, selfish, self centered, careless, driven by lust, couldn’t care about family or bonds. They would put their own needs ahead of anyone else’s at whatever cost to the other people as long as they were satisfied. These people were not to be trusted or relied upon under any circumstances. They would suck others into their deceitful manipulative lifestyle any chance they got.
So you can see how I had a hard time accepting being non-monogamous. I did my best to practice the values of the monogamous person. A part of me was dying inside because I wasn’t being true to myself. I couldn’t reconcile the differences between how I felt inside (non-monogamous) and the kind of life I wanted to live (positive and generative). It is only through experiencing acceptance, tolerance, love and approval from others and myself that I have been able to see that these definitions have nothing to do with reality. They have to do with social norms, control, repression, and shame.